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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Just a nobody Offline
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Unhappy One hour. - December 9th 2009, 04:25 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is a little longer than most of my posts, not that anyone would stay around, but whatever...



My mom was doing so good, I don't understand. My mom and my grandpa were fighting for their life together. It was just a coincidence that they were diagnosed with IT on the same day, and I don't even know what to call the fact that they passed on the same day.


One hour in between.



And I feel angry, sad...and I feel the most intense emotions I've never felt...ever. There's an empty place in my heart now, that can't be filled. To make things worse? The last thing I said to my mom was, "I hate you." We got in a huge argument, and I got too angry, and I shouted something I will never be able to take back now.


Ever.


And now, all the arguments we got into, all the emotional violence...well, she parted life crying.




And now it breaks my heart.



She was crying, from my hateful words, so she left and went to my grandpa's. Then a couple of hours later she left. That's the last time she saw her own father. She came home, slept, and my dad and I went to the store for a tire replacement. My dad dropped me off at home afterwards, then he left to visit my aunt.

I went inside, and I went to apologize to my mom.


I knew immediatly. Just by looking at her.


She's gone.



I still don't understand...why?



They found my grandpa sitting in a chair an hour later after a 911 emergency call.

His disease had spred into his brain and spinal cord.

My mom had the same disease, it had spread to her heart.


I can't stop crying. I feel dead now. I only have my father in my house left. And just before Christmas too! I had planned to spend a significant amount of time with her, just us two. And now...it's not going to happen.

So now as I'm sitting here listening to "My Immortal" by Evanescence, I just...I feel like dying now. After all, what do I have left to live for?

I never could imagine my loved ones around me parting life from me...I never thought about it. It's inevatable, but I always thought they were like...I thought they were going to beat it.



They lost.




And so here I am. My dad told me,

"Eh, it's part of life. Sure I'm sad, but it's going to happen. Don't let it bother you too much." So now I lay here...





All alone.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."

Last edited by Just a nobody; December 9th 2009 at 06:11 PM.
   
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Re: One hour. - December 9th 2009, 05:20 PM

Reading this really really breaks my heart.
I'm so sorry your going through this right now.
I lost my dad in a car accident (i was in the car, and i almost lost my life too)
I woke up in a hospital, just to be told he was no longer with us anymore.
Months following, i lost my grandfather.
I was steps away from him, when he took his last breath.
I know the hurt and pain that comes from loosing someone you love.
I never wanted to be believe it. I never thought people would understand.
People would tell me, "I'm sorry it will be okay" But i always thought to myself NO, IT WON'T BE OKAY.
It's best to talk about things when your ready. I still struggle to this day. They were both really close to me.

I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. It's something that you don't think will really happen , until it does. Have hope. And please please stay strong.
You have a life ahead of you. They wouldn't want you to throw it away.
Please don't hesitate to talk to me if you need someone.
I know what its like. <3




   
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Re: One hour. - December 10th 2009, 07:25 PM

Damn, that just, damn. Don't let it consume you. Just because mom and gramps died doesn't mean life is over. Think about what they would want you to do if they died. That doesn't mean continue a legacy, or grow up to do what mom did.

They probably would want you to keep going.
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Re: One hour. - December 10th 2009, 08:21 PM

Thank you Angelina.

And Senken.0, easy for you to say. I don't know what your experiences are, but just telling me it's not the end of the world and think of what they want isn't...helpful. Until you get placed in this position, if you haven't already...I...I just think it's easier said than done, when somebody tells you, to just move on or whatever. But thank anyways.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
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Re: One hour. - December 10th 2009, 08:42 PM

Really sorry about what happend about your mother and your grandfather, your mother would have known deep in her heart that you didn't hate her, even though you said you did. I'm not sure on what else to say as i haven't really lost any one really really close to me... Huggs

If





   
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Re: One hour. - December 10th 2009, 08:42 PM

- Cont
If you need to chat to anyone, i'm here.





   
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Re: One hour. - December 10th 2009, 08:51 PM

I don't think words can describe how terrible your post makes me feel. I am so completely sorry for you, I can't even imagine how difficult things must be for you right now. Losing someone is so so so hard, and it sounds like it was a million times harder than usual for you. To be honest with you, I'm at a loss for words here, because I know that nothing anyone can say in this thread is going to take away the pain you are feeling right now.

I just want you to know that just because your grandpa and your mom may have lost their battles, they died trying to win. And I bet if they could say anything to you right now, they would ask for you to keep on trying to. You need to keep living because that is what they would have wanted, and what they still want.

You're right that it will never help to hear the words "just get over it." You can't just get over someone you love dying, it's a part of you forever. But I promise you that despite that fact, you will learn to live with your loss, and you'll learn to adapt to the changes that are now taking place in your life.

I don't know if you are religious, but I know that your mom and your grandpa are in a better place this Christmas.

I know that you're feeling alone right now, but you aren't alone at all. Not only because there are so many people that have dealt with losses like this before too, but because your mom and your grandpa are always with you. I was told when my dad passed away that he would always exist within my heart, and somehow this always made me feel better, knowing that my loved one is still close and is never going to leave me. In fact, I'm still confident that he's watching over me somewhere.

You're NOT alone, and you never will be alone. Your mom and your grandpa may have lost the battle to their disease, but that doesn't mean you're going to lose yours. You'll get through this, I can promise you that.

If you ever need to talk for whatever reason, I'm more than happy to listen. My PM box is always open.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: One hour. - December 12th 2009, 04:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Love :) View Post
Thank you Angelina.

And Senken.0, easy for you to say. I don't know what your experiences are, but just telling me it's not the end of the world and think of what they want isn't...helpful. Until you get placed in this position, if you haven't already...I...I just think it's easier said than done, when somebody tells you, to just move on or whatever. But thank anyways.
god thank you.
everyone says move on and it will be okay.
feels like it's NOT.
i hate when people tell me "it will get better"
no one understand unless they go through it.




   
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Re: One hour. - December 13th 2009, 02:42 AM

It will get better, but as for when - the time is limitless.

Death is a horrible, horrible experience to live through. And yes, I said live because we are the ones who are still here, who have to go through the process of numbness, disbelief, denial, pain, loss, loneliness, anger, rage, tears, broken hearts, etc. And it never gets easy to do, and there's no easy way out.

-hugs- for you, i just felt like you needed a giant hug after reading what your father said to you... i can't imagine what you're going through now, and it's absolutely heart-breaking to read.... And, neither, do I know what to say; because nothing I can say will take your pain away, and I certainly don't want to antagonise you in any matter, but -

I hope, some day soon, in the near future, you can find a sort of healing peace that will let you grieve without any of the guilt and self-anger that I see in this post...

*rose* stay safe, and I will keep you in my thoughts when I light a candle later today.
   
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Re: One hour. - December 13th 2009, 10:22 PM

...Somebody delete this? Please? I don't feel as if this is important/relevant to me/anybody else anymore Thank you.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
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Re: One hour. - December 14th 2009, 02:01 AM

Wow I am soo sorry yo hear about both of your losses but you cant let it eat you up.. Your mother knows that you are sorry for what you said it was the heat of the moment and you were both upset but I'm sure you didnt mean the words you said. Just remember that.


*Love is never needing to say I'm sorry..
   
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Re: One hour. - December 19th 2009, 07:02 PM

Awww that made me cry that is really truly sad. I can't imagine how you must feel, as I could not live without my mum, and can't think of what I would do. This christmas wil be so hard for you and your dad, and she does know you love her really.
   
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Re: One hour. - December 20th 2009, 12:40 AM

I hope so...thanks.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
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Re: One hour. - December 21st 2009, 11:02 AM

Hey there,

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I've never lost someone close to me before, but I can imagine that it's an incredibly hard experience to bounce back from, particularly since you lost two family members in a very short amount of time.

To me, it sounds like your dad may be grieving in his own private way. I don't know how he could not be, losing two family members also very close to him, but I feel like he's either trying to present a strong front for you, or he just hasn't actually accepted it at all. I'm a huge fan of living through things with other people, so maybe it might not be a bad idea to talk to him and just let him know that you want to help each other through this and that you're not scared of his pain and his grief, just like you don't want him to be scared of your own.

If you're not a huge fan of that idea, perhaps you might think about going to talk to someone else, such as a school counselor? I certainly don't think it will be quite the same as going through this with someone who was affected much in the same way that you were, but I still think that talking, regardless of who you're talking to (as long as they're supportive, of course), can help a great deal.

I'll be sending positive thoughts your way. Take good care of yourself. PS: I know that you posted this a little while ago:

Quote:
...Somebody delete this? Please? I don't feel as if this is important/relevant to me/anybody else anymore Thank you
..but then posted again later on in the thread. I was just wondering if you were still wanting your thread to be closed, or if you'd like it to stay open just in case others would like to reply. Your story matters, and you're very important.



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Re: One hour. - December 24th 2009, 02:51 AM

I'm so sorry for you! I'm almost crying because you lost two people on the same day. Just let your tears flow and find someones shoulder to cry on. I'll pray for you.


Never Give Up On Your Dreams No Matter How Hard Or Big They May Seem..... Someday you will reach them...
   
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