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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Name: Katie
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Forever gone - December 21st 2009, 02:48 PM

21 December 7.35 am

Mom was gone..forever..
I woke up at around 6 and we knew she would be gone soon
I was there holding her cold hands
and then...
just for a moment when I was not watching her, when my brother walked near the window, when my dad was not looking at her...

and dad called me...and i saw her lying there, breathed no more.
just before she died, I listened to the voice of her breathing.
and everytime, I wished she it would be the last one...so that she could stop all the pain and suffering...but I was also scared..I was afraid that the sound would stop.
She chose to go after the sun rose..
I know she liked sunlight.

When I looked at her, I think I saw a little smile on her face.
It was the first time in many days that I wanted her to be alive...

I had only 7 days with her, last 7 days that I took care of her.
but only for 2 days she was conscious.
the last thing she said to me was 'my good girl' and put her hands on my face
it was warm...and I closed my eyes, I tried to remember it by my heart.

before she died I thought my world would be broken, because she was and is everything in my life and I have lived for her. She was my strength, my hope, my life.
but now i am not even crying...
i don't know why. i don't know if i'm just not as sad as I should be
or it is emptiness that i am feeling,
or it has not attacked me yet.

this is just wrong, isn't it? Other will say that i am strong when they see that I do not cry
but inside I feel guilty...

I try to talk to her, I want to see her by my side.. but it does not happen.


These walls that I can't break down...

Last edited by ThatpersonIusedtobe; December 21st 2009 at 03:24 PM.
   
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Re: Forever gone - December 30th 2009, 01:31 PM

your mother's spirit will live on forever.

her physical body may be gone, but her spirit survives.


The Darker the NIGHT,
The brighter the dawn.
The longer the darkness lingers,
The more beautiful the light will come.

   
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Re: Forever gone - December 31st 2009, 09:04 AM

that was amazing and inspirational, im sorry that happened and i hope you know that she is no longer suffering, focus on that fact, focus an the fact that shes happy and you will always be her her "good girl", shes watching over you....
   
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