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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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samantha_sykes Offline
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Name: Samantha Sykes
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I'm losing it without them. - January 18th 2010, 12:24 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well...On October 28th, 2008 my biological dad died from a drug overdose. And with that, my twin brother, Ryan's world got flipped upside down and shaken out. He began heavily doing drugs. And no matter what I did, I couldn't make him stop.
I felt myself begin to crumble as the months went by.
September 20th, 2009; I got a phone call from my step-mom (my biological dad's widow wife) saying my brother was in a coma. My brother, dad, and stepmom lived in London, England due to my mother choices when she got pregnant with my brother and I. Just knowing that he was in a coma sent me spiralling downward.
I loathed myself, with everything I had. And I still do.
September 22nd, 2009; my step-mom called and said Ryan had died, they found out he wouldn't come out of the coma and she refused to put him through more pain.
She talked me through the next few weeks of my life the best she could. But she got remarried, and her new stepson's name was Ryan, just like my brother. She had convinced herself that she could replace my father and brother. Which made me hate her.
On December 23rd, 2009; my uncle died, his organs shut down after having a gullbladder removal surgery, he was a diabetic and his organs got infected. My cousin took it better then I did. She promised me it was what he wanted and that he was in a better place now.
December 28th, 2009; I got a email from my step-mom, saying she was tired and done with life and she wasn't prepared to keep going. She told me she loved me and that she wanted me to keep going as long as there was someone in the world who cared about me. And that she would make sure Ryan was okay and tell him that I love him.
I would've shrugged it off if I didn't know how very serious she was.
I got the phone call on the 29th. I spent my new years crying, cutting, and eating chocolate.
I feel like my brothers and stepmoms deaths could have been highly prevented. And that it's my fault theyre gone. I can't go a day without having to go into the bathroom at school to cry. I don't know how long I'm supposed to linger on them.
I'm going insane without having them here. I have no one to talk to. Every situation seems more intense and heartbreaking then they would to anyone else.
Ryan was the only person on the planet who really understood me. He was my best friend, my twin brother, my heart, my soul, and my reason to live. I don't know how much longer I can make it anymore.
How am I supposed to cope with this?
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: I'm losing it without them. - January 18th 2010, 05:38 PM

Sorry for what you went through. Though you are very very young you have to accept what I am about to tell you, and I don't mean to be cold.

Accept it. Accept what happened.

The pain you feel will be too unbearable unless you become strong/courageous and accept that it happened. Accept what happened and go on with life. Accepting that it happened and going on with your life doesn't mean that you are forgetting them.
   
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