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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Bite Me Offline
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Name: Tara
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Last year - January 18th 2010, 11:49 PM

It's hard for me to remember all what happened last year.... In march we went on a family vacation, and everything was fine. My dad was in remission from cancer, and everything was well. Then May came. My mom and I decided to do a dualthlon ( we ran 2 miles, biked 22 miles and ran 2 miles.) in order to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. And on our way to the meeting 2 hours from home, my dad got his results from the doctor... and they said he had relapsed and that he's got cancer again. My mom got this phone call on our drive there, and we both cried silently in the car... when we got there part of our meeting was telling the rest of our team why we were there. And it was a new wound and we both cried. We trained all summer for the dualthlon and we both completed it in great time! That was in September. In October we planned to go to Lake Tahoe. My dad drove through a blizzard for twelve hours to get to our pit stop at SLC. That night my grandma died... so we drove all the way back home. We went to her funeral... Early November, shortly after my birthday, my dad got a lot worse. He had to go into Intensive care for a whole week, and my best friend's family took care of me, and my brother and sister. After that they decided to put my dad into Hospice because he wanted to go home. We had a family meeting that night, and they set up our living room to accommodate him. They had his hospital bed by the window and his oxygen tank set up and he had a catheter. We didn't know how long this was going to be... That monday after the weekend of him coming home, my mom got a call and she told us that my uncle committed suicide... that was a really rough night and one of my other close friends came over at midnight to cry with me. Two days after that my dad passed away. It's really hard without him.. and it all happened so fast... I miss everyone so much and to think they all left within a period of about a month... Thankfully my friends are holding me above the water... I love them all so much and they really are the best for all that they have done for me. My sister is suffering from depression now, and I have been since my dad was diagnosed in 2007. My brother is doing alright, he's trying not to think about dad. My mom is doing alright too, she just started going back to work. Today is the 2 month mark for us... and school is as stressful as ever. I just hope it will get better...
   
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*Jen* Offline
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Re: Last year - January 20th 2010, 07:22 PM

Hey Tara,

I am so sorry to hear about this. You have lost many close people to you and I know just how awful it is to lose someone close. It does make a real difference to have such supportive friends that you can rely on during these difficult times. When things do get tough you have to lean on them and remember you always have us here as well. You are never in this alone.

It will get better in time. It is all still so recent but hopefully in time it will hurt less and you will begin to be able to look back and remember the happy times you spent together. Is there any teachers at school who you could chat to about how stressful you are finding school? I think if they knew what was going on they might be able to be supportive and give you some extra help with your work if you needed it.

I am always here if you want to chat. Stay strong.
   
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Re: Last year - January 28th 2010, 01:26 AM

Bad things comes in threes.
I'm really, really sorry that this happened to you. You lost three very important people. I hope that you let this bring your family together. It can pull you all apart or it can make you stronger. Death is never easy, but the feelings are mutual between all of you. You all have unique ways of dealing with this. I'd bet that your brother is suffering a lot trying to ignore it. Make yourself avalable to him because maybe he'll come to you with his pain and you can heal together.
Pain is funny that way. You can't make someone feel better without dredging up old hurts of your own. It's nearly impossible. But then you can fix each other and be even stronger.

The pain won't go away, but it will dull and then you can be happy. You won't forget, but it'll become a part of you that keeps you strong.

Good luck.


And no matter what my heart [</3] says
I have to let you walk away
maybe someday

I can't fight for you anymore
But it's too hard to watch you fall.
I can't fight for you anymore
But watching you go breaks my heart
I can't fight for you anymore
But I want to.
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Last year - January 29th 2010, 10:55 PM

Hey there ForgottenGirl. Sorry about what you went through.
There really is not much to say except the following. I don't want to sound mean, but if any of your relatives hasn't accepted the loss, they need to. You all should do your best to go through this together. Because now is one of the times you need each other most.
   
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Spellbound Offline
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Re: Last year - January 29th 2010, 11:07 PM

Aw, honey, I'm so sorry for your losses. I know it is such a difficult time for you right now, it's the hardest thing in the world when you lose those who are close to you. It will get easier to deal with as time goes on. You and your family really need to be there for each other at a time like this, you just need someone to lean on. It will make you stronger. When anyone close to you passes, you never really get over it, but you can be happy again. Just give it time. Do the things that made you happy before, and you'll eventually find joy again. I promise. Hang in there and be strong(:



Last edited by Spellbound; January 29th 2010 at 11:08 PM. Reason: Font color.
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emma01 Offline
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Re: Last year - January 30th 2010, 03:27 AM

Hi Tara, im so sorry to hear about that You've had it really rough. Its not nice to lose family members, let alone losing 3. And all close together as well
I hope you and your family are coping but i know you and your sister have depression, which is sad but very understanding
   
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