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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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silentmuffin Offline
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Grief over someone I barely knew? - January 31st 2009, 10:06 PM

My parents were really close friends with another couple for most of their lives and they ended up moving into houses right next door to each other. So I grew up with our neighbors' sons and I was pretty good friends with them for a while, but not since I was like 13. And I never really knew their mom all that well, but she was pretty visible in my life. She worked at my elementary school, and she watched my brother and me sometimes in the summer while my parents were at work. She just died from cancer about a month ago, and it's really hit me hard for some reason I can't understand.

I cried for a few days after I found out and I couldn't go anywhere near the casket at the viewing because I knew I would break down and I didn't want people to think I was just being dramatic because I was never really close to her. It's just that I see her car parked next door every day and I realize she's not there, and I can't seem to get over it. I think about it everyday and it makes it harder to just live life knowing she fought for so long and now she's gone and she was just a few months away from seeing her youngest son graduate. I don't know why it bothers me personally so much and I don't want to feel like I'm just using their situation for my own sympathy. I feel like it shouldn't affect me this much. I wasn't this upset when some of my own relatives died. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to get myself to not think about it when I have to see their house and her car and her family every day.

Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
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Re: Grief over someone I barely knew? - February 2nd 2009, 02:53 AM

I'm sorry about your loss. Death is hard, really really really! hard. Maybe she wasn't on your top 10 more influential people but it seems to me like she was apart of your life. Losing someone who you knew, even for a breif period of time can be devastating. Death is one of those things that are different from person to person. It also seems like you can put yourself in other peoples shoes. You understand how hard it must have been for her to try and try to defeat the cancer. Sometimes putting yourself in other peoples shoes can be so helpful but other times it can cause you to experience feelings that are hard to explain.
I doubt anyone would think you were being dramatic for being hurt over a death.
Hold your head up and be strong, but its REALLY okay to break down every now and then. You lost someone and your emotions are understandable.
If you ever need to talk I'm here, I've lost a lot of people in my life so I understand how your feeling.
I hope you are doing better. *hugs*
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eunoia Offline
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Re: Grief over someone I barely knew? - February 2nd 2009, 06:30 PM


I don't think there's a right and wrong time to feel grief over the death of someone. You say you hardly knew her, but she was a constant in your life just the same--she was your neighbor, mother to you friends, and she worked in your school.

Life is about changing, but sometimes change is hard. I know how difficult it is to accept and cope with change, and this is a pretty big one. Don't feel like your emotions are invalid simply because you did not know her all that well--each life is precious, and I think your grief for her loss is a testament to just that.

Another thing to remember is that when someone we know dies, we are faced with the reality that nothing is eternal. It reminds us of our own families, and how fragile they are, as well as the fragility of ourselves.

Let me know if you need to talk, Lyndsay. I'm always here for support or advice.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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