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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Lace
Age: 28
Gender: Female

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he meant a lot... - February 2nd 2009, 10:38 PM

wow...i haven't written one of these in a while...its really long ik and im sorry...just needed to get it out i guess...
ya know when you have someone who means so much to you? like no matter how much they upset you you always go back to them? and when you try to push them away they just get closer? i had someone like that once...we were so close...and we trusted each other and it really takes a lot for me to trust people...at the moment i only trust one person...
he and i met when i was in cheerleading practice...and i was running up the bleaches and i tripped and fell off the side of the bleachers...and he caught me...sound like it was from off a Disney movie? yeah i thought so too...and things were good between us. it was my first relationship that didnít go all to hell...he took care of me a lot. Things were rough at my house and i had to move out...and him and his family welcomed me with open arms...and he watched over me...tried to stop my cutting with the help of one of our friends...and tried to stop my...suicidal tendencies...as they have been called lastly...
i got upset with him...and i donít even remember why now...but we were going to try to work things out and i called him to come over...he never showed up.........
Kevin died because i called him...to fix the problem i started...he died trying to help me...he was out on snowy roads when the NY DOT send out a warning that no one should be on the roads b/c they were so bad...and i made him come over...
he was in a coma and we all hoped he would recover but he never did...and he passed away....
ever since that day i have not been accepted at my school b/c everyone believes i killed him...star basketball player supposed to do a lot for the team this year....and he cant now...and hes gone...and its my fault. a lot of closer friends tell me its not my fault, but ive also lost tons of friends because of this..rumors were created and now i have to transfer schools...i know we should have just talked over the phone and i know it was stupid of me to ask him to come over but i needed him...and i didnít care...and ik that that makes me a horrible person...and im trying to cope with it and im sure one day ill forget..but im not sure ill ever be able to forgive myself...
im really sorry ik this was long and im not even sure what i want to hear ppl say...i guess i just needed to talk about him and talk about it and just...let it out...so...thanks
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Darrenboy! Offline
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Re: he meant a lot... - February 5th 2009, 03:50 AM

hey lace.

FIRSTLY, it is NOT in any way your fault..because you needed support. I am very sure you didnt want this to happen... and i know he knows it. just remember that the TRUTH is what counts and people can say whatever they want, but the truth is that you're not at fault. thats what i believe, and thats DEFINITELY without a doubt, true.

besides that, its important that you talk more to your closer friends about it because they understand you and know how to give emotional support in order to help your situation. The most important thing right now is to have people listen and help you feel better whenever you're down.

There are also self-help books that you can get in order to help you deal with what you're feeling right now.. always remember that losing a loved one is hard to deal with, but you can get through this.

in case you need people to listen to you, we're always here to help

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Re: he meant a lot... - February 13th 2009, 12:48 AM

Sweetie, it's not your fault. These things, however horrible, do happen, and just because you were there doesn't mean you're at fault. Mkay? You will move on, it will be hard, and probably take a long while, but you can do it, I know you. You're the person I go to whenever I need someone. You're so strong. I believe in you hon. I'm here for you. Always.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: he meant a lot... - February 13th 2009, 03:38 PM

You, shouldn't think that it's your fault, because it's not it was just a very bad accident. There was no way for you to have known something like that was going to happen when you talked to him. You needed him and wanted support.

Just think that he moved on to a better place now, and is resting peacefully.
And as long as you know the truth you should ignore the rumors, because those people don't really know.

Just listen to your closer friends who care about you.

I'm sorry about your loss and I hope you stay strong and get through this painful situation.
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