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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JackOffJill Offline
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Unhappy How do you move on? - May 2nd 2010, 04:32 AM

I feel so stupid....it has been 6 years since my friend Christina Long was killed but i have not been able to get passed it. She was 13 years old when she met a 32 year old man in his car at the mall. She apparently had met him before. But this time, he ended up strangling her with the seat belt. He then dumped her body out in a ditch. I can not move on and forget what happened. I can not get passed it.
But what i hate about myself the most about the situation is that u would have thought that I would have learned from her tragic death. But I havnt. I am putting my life at risk by doing the same things she did. And after i do it i always feel guilty because I feel like Im not honoring her death since i didnt learn from it.
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Re: How do you move on? - May 2nd 2010, 01:47 PM

Hey,

Firstly, you shouldn’t feel stupid about not feeling that you have got past it. Losing someone is one of the hardest things that anyone can ever have to deal with and it must be even harder for you because it was do sudden. The thing is that everyone takes different lengths of time before they feel that they are ready to start to move on after they lose someone and there is no right or wrong time for this to happen.

I think that one of the best things that you could do is to talk to someone about how you’re feeling. What you are going through is completely normal but it’s important that you don’t bottle things up because things can begin to get overwhelming. Another thing that you might find helpful is writing down a list of memories you have with your friend and collecting some things together that remind you of her. If you keep this in a safe place you will know that you will always have a part of her and will always be able to look at that if you need to but you won’t have to think about it all the time. You can maybe set aside a time when you can allow yourself to think about her and all the things that are upsetting you about what happened, if that makes any sense?

I think that you have learned from what has happened because you sound like you are cautious and aware of what could possibly happen. I do think that it is important that you do everything you can to ensure you’re safe if you are going to put yourself in that position, make sure people know where you are and things like that. I don’t think that I would put myself in that position at all but that is up to you.

Take care and if you want to talk PM me,
Vicky



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Re: How do you move on? - May 2nd 2010, 02:30 PM

Hey. I'm in a similar situation ~ it was the sixth anniversary of someone I'd known who died tragically this weekend, and I felt a bit guilty for being upset, so I know a bit of how you feel.
I agree with everything Vicky said. Please don't feel stupid for still being upset ~ she was your friend, and you can't just get over something like that easily. Have you thought about maybe talknig to someone about it...?? It can seriously help so much and sometimes it just feels really good to get it all out of you.
And don't feel like you're not honouring her death!! I'm sure it would be worse if you were afraid to live your life while it's there ~ taking risks doesn't mean you haven't learnt from her death.
Sorry this wasn't a very good reply, but I just kind of related to your post, and I really hope you're ok. I'm so sorry that happened to you
xxxx


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Re: How do you move on? - May 2nd 2010, 09:14 PM

thank you both very much. i dont know why i felt stupid for still being upset about how my friend died. but your both right, i have the right to be upset about it and all.
i am planning on talking to my therapist about it. im a little nervous because i have a hard time opening up to my therapist...
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Re: How do you move on? - May 3rd 2010, 01:30 PM

That's really good (: And it can be really hard to talk about that kind if stuff, but I hope you can ~ once you start it can get a lot easier. Best of luck xx


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
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Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
   
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Re: How do you move on? - May 4th 2010, 12:12 AM

Hi,

Please don't feel stupid for feeling sad about your friend's death, afterall you obviously loved her and it was a tragic way she died.

There is no average amount of time people are supposed to stop grieving after- we're all different! My mum died 10 years ago now and every now and again I cry about it like when I see something sad on TV or when Im drinking usually- so please don't feel stupid about it because I certainly don't.

It's natural to miss someone.
What do you mean about putting yourself in the same position as your friend? Are you meeting people off the internet or older men or something? If so, you need to make sure that you are not putting yourself in any danger and let people know where you are.

Hope things get easier over time- they have for me.

Remember- it's okay to grieve!! Even if you did for 100 years it's fine


x<3x

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Re: How do you move on? - May 5th 2010, 05:26 AM

Im putting myself into the same situation that my friend put herself in. I have met up with 3 people off the internet. There are a lot more guys who want to meet up but I havnt met them. I basically know that what im doing is what got her killed but I cant stop. I know why I do it but that isnt helping me stop.
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Re: How do you move on? - May 7th 2010, 03:39 AM

being in the same situation i know how it feels to not want to let go, and wanting to hold onto them. grieving is different for everyone, and it can take you a while to grieve. one of my favorite lines is "while you'll never get it over it, you'll get used to it." and it's true, you won't probably ever be able to fully recover from this, but you can become used to the pain. it doesn't seem to make sense, but it does still at the same time. it's okay to have days of sadness and wanting to see her again, but at the same time it's okay to have fun and smile. losing a loved one doesn't mean losing all of you, only a part of you. and you can do the things she did in her life, just with extra caution. not everyone has the same fate.
   
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