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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
megan17 Offline
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Unhappy I MISS U - May 20th 2010, 10:03 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

In January 2007 my uncle was diagnose wit HIV after 2 yrs of being in and out of hospitals, seein many different doctor who could not correctly diagnose him he was finally given an answer. this is the first time i have told any1 outside my family wat he was actually sick wit. After discovering wat was the cause of all his sickness i began to see him slowly give up on life. his will to live began to disappear. the first 4 months of 2007 where hard for me as my cousin died in a car accident and my uncle failin health began to be more and more noticeable as each month passed and a bit unbearable for me to deal wit. i would cry nearly every nite.

i would spend every weekend by him to and doin anything he ask cause when i wanted sumthing he was the one i use to turn too. then one day i stopped i stopped carin and i stopped go cause i could not deal wit it anymore i began to pretend that nuting was wrong and even when i went i wouldn't do anything for him. i remember he asked to make him sumthing to eat and i refused. i behave like this for the nex 3 months and as October rolled around i could not pretend anymore because his health was worst then ever, they doctors were goin operate on him so he could not eat for one day but it took several days to decide whether to do the surgery or not so he had nut eaten in those days and because of this he was to weak to do the surgery.

i finally sum up the courage went to the hospital to for the first time it was a Sunday the 14th of October. i walked in and saw a frame of wat once was my lively, outgoing, happy-go-lucky uncle laying on the bed and i could not believe it. i just stood there for several minutes and didn't say anyting and all of a sudden i began to cry i could not control myself. i looked at my uncle and and i saw the pain in his eyes as he watch. i knew it was not because the pain he was feelin but the pain i was feelin. my step dad took me outside my uncle and my mom tlk and he regained sum hope he told her that everything would be better and he would be home sum soon. i left the hospital the Sunday evenin and i told him i would be bac soon.

on the Monday the 15th of October 2007 i was in skool tlkin to my friends around 12:30 i felt a chill run down my spine and i picked up the fone to call my uncle but a teacher called me at the same time so i didn't get to do it. that evening my mom, stepfather and my aunt picked me up from skool when i enter the car i felt that sumting was wrong. i told my mom i didn't want to go to lessons that day and she was ok wit itand then i knew for sure that sumting was wrong. i asked wat happen and over and over again but no one would answer everyone just began to cry and then i knew it but still i wouldn't believe it till sum1 said it. And my stepfather turn around and said those dreaded word your uncle died i still did not believe so i asked again and he repeat it i just began to ball i cried and cried my aunt held unto to tight but the pain just didn't stop. when i reached by my aunts i sat on the chair then i saw my youngest aunt just get up and walkin inside i followed her. she sat on her bed and began to cry and i held unto to her it was the first time that i saw her cry everyting after that was a big blur. days after that we went bac to the hospital to get tings in order the nurse that treated him told us that she believe that my uncle was misdiagnose she believe that he had a stomach cancer instead but we will neva know now

I blame self for his death. i believe that if i made him that thing to eat he would have had the enough energy to stay alive longer. i hate myself for not being there for him not givin him that will that he needed. i really do hate myself for that. And most of all for not tellin him that i loved him. my uncle was my major support system ever since i was a baby. he was the one i could tlk to bout anything and he understood me the best. he was always the first person dat would call when the term ended to get my grade. when i was actin up he was the only one i would listen to. my uncle was like a dad to me he treated me better than my own father.

it's been over 2 yrs since his death and i'm still grieving. i don't think this pain will ever go away. i know i should be over it by now but i can't i really do missin him and i wish that he was here now. i wish i could tell him all the thing i didn't get to say and show him how far have come wit skool.

btw my uncle died at 12:28 that day.


Last edited by megan17; May 20th 2010 at 10:16 PM.
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Re: I MISS U - May 22nd 2010, 12:20 AM


First of all I want to say sorry for your loss =( it seems like you were really close to your uncle and loved him a lot.

Second of all, you shouldn't be/ not be over him by now- everyone takes different time periods for grieving there's no time limit on it and it's prefectly normal to be still missing someone you loved for a long time. My mum died about 10 years ago and I still think about her and get sad sometimes, same thing with my nana who died about 3 years ago. You will always miss him but it does get better trust me. Over time you should be able to cope a bit better with it all.

It is in no way your fault. I'm sure your uncle knows you loved him and just had a hard time accepting it all thats it. Its perfectly understandable. Once my Mum asked me to pass her pills to her when she was in pain and I refused I don't know why, I suppose I was only ten but I just wanted her to be able to do it for herself & I've hated myself ever since for it.

But he will not have hated you for that, trust me he would have understood, just think of how many good times you must have had together.

If you want him to know you love him just say it to him, I'm sure he's listening and I'm sure he read your post and he does know you love him.

If you ever want to talk I'm here. Hope things get better for you over time.


~Happy to help *
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I MISS U - May 22nd 2010, 10:34 PM

I'm really sorry about your uncle. My dad died a few years ago- I think I know some of what you're feeling. He was an alcoholic and probably would have lived much longer if it hadn't been for that- and I've blamed myself for his death too. I blamed myself for causing him stress and for not being able to stop him from drinking. I feel guilty about things in the past I did that hurt him and things I didn't do that would have helped him.
It helps me to think that he's beyond all those little things now, and he knows above all I LOVED HIM, which I bet is how your uncle feels. He knows you love him.
Grief is so hard and hits us in so many different ways. After my dad died, I stopped sleeping in my room and took a bunch of blankets and slept on the floor in his study. I still do that when I really miss him. Some days are worse than others and I don't think I'll ever stop hurting. It's hard, but I'm learning (slowly) to live with the pain. I don't expect it to go away, but I have hope that I will someday be able to live with it.
Have you tried writing letters to your uncle? I do that with my dad sometimes. I write letters and then I build a fire and burn them, watching the smoke and imagine it reaching my dad. Some I keep in a notebook. It helps sometimes.
Let me know if you need to talk.

Last edited by Owlmaid; May 22nd 2010 at 10:36 PM. Reason: I left a sentence out.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I MISS U - May 23rd 2010, 10:06 PM

Im really sorry about the way you feel, and i know exactly what its like. Someone really close to me left and I've been feeling lonely ever since. It will be all right though. ITS THEIR FAULT. THEY MISDIAGNOSED HIM, NOT YOU. If THEY knew what they were doing, THEY couldve saved him. I know you feel sad but this is not your fault.
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