My brother has died of AIDS.

[saxyphone]

On October 23, 2010 at 5:32 AM, my brother Alex died of AIDS. I'm sorry for not posting this sooner, but I was busy yesterday with family coming in and all. I just... I can't even believe this happened. He's had a privacy issue his whole life. I suspected he was gay for a while, but I never imagined that he would keep away having such a disease from me. Even my family knew and they wouldn't tell me. I wish I knew. I wish someone would have had enough decency to tell me. Now, I won't ever be able to tell my big brother I love him, nor will I ever be able to give him a hug again. Please god, bring him back.

[luvflamingos]

Nicole, I am very sorry for your loss. It must be incredibly hard on you right now. I bet he knows that you loved him very much. It may be the reason your family was protecting you.

[CanadaCraig]

Dear Nicole!!

I am truly very sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you.

I appreciate why you're hurt. I would be too. And I don't just mean because of the loss of your brother but also because you were left out of the loop and not told of his condition. But rest assured - your brother knew that you loved him. And who knows - maybe HE asked that his condition be kept from you. Maybe HE wanted someone in this world who would look at him and NOT see his condition. No matter what the truth is - he loved you.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

[Saphire]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Nicole.

Just remember, telling someone you love them is not the only way to show your love. Your brother knew you loved him whether or not you told him, sometimes these things don't even to be expressed through words.

I know you're angry about not being told about this, but maybe CanadaCraig is right. Maybe there needed to be one person who could see him for him and not for his condition.

This is obviously a very hard time for you. I know everyone always says "don't worry it will get better in time." and speaking from experience, those people are never lying, it just takes a while to realise this.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, please PM or VM me x

[.Brittany.]

It is so hard to lose someone, especially someone from your immediate family. I know nothing I can say will help, just know we are all here for you if you need any of us. Keep strong.

[*Jen*]

I am so sorry to hear about this Nicole. I really don't have any useful words right now. I wish there was something I could say to lessen all this hurt you must feel right now. But just remember you are not in this alone. You have everyone here to help you get through this. Stay strong.

[ChaosControl]

Nicole, I'm so sorry. I don't think I can put enough virtual hugs on here, but here goes.

Your brother would have known that you loved him. Remember that, because that is what is most important. You loved him through a hard time.
It must be such a shock, not being told, but perhaps he wanted you to remember him as a happy healthy person, rather than someone with a disease.
Take care, Nicole. I hope your suffering eases over time. x

[TakeTheLeap]

Hey Nicole,

I'm so sorry for your loss! It's heartbreaking to lose anyone close to you, especially your brother. I know it hurts to be kept out of a loop, but I have a feeling that your family kept it from you so you wouldn't have to suffer - it hurts more constantly thinking about it, and constantly wondering if/when something will happen. Your brother probably wanted you to remember him as the happy, healthy young kid you knew and loved.

I know it's rough, but now is the time to smile. You know your brother will be with you always, loving and protecting you. He knows you love him, even if the expression of love wasn't verbal. You are blessed to have known and loved him. Just remember that he's watching over you, now and always.

[Jacksonian]

Originally Posted by saxyphone

On October 23, 2010 at 5:32 AM, my brother Alex died of AIDS. I'm sorry for not posting this sooner, but I was busy yesterday with family coming in and all. I just... I can't even believe this happened. He's had a privacy issue his whole life. I suspected he was gay for a while, but I never imagined that he would keep away having such a disease from me. Even my family knew and they wouldn't tell me. I wish I knew. I wish someone would have had enough decency to tell me. Now, I won't ever be able to tell my big brother I love him, nor will I ever be able to give him a hug again. Please god, bring him back.

You are young and some things will/are be too hard for you to handle in your age. I don't think this was done out of indecency but out of mercy to protect you from seeing him go through pain emotionally. Unfortunately, time can't be reversed, i'm sorry.

[Release9]

Probably all the sorrys in the world won't express how sad I am for you Nicole.
I can't even imagine how much pain you've been going through.

Your big brother probably loved you loads...and he might have not wanted you to know on purpose, seeing how much it might have hurt you.

Oh....I cry for you lots

*100 million hugs*

[saxyphone]

I just got on and looked at the responses, and thanks so much everyone. Your support has really been so helpful. I'm really glad you all care.

[WillO'Wisp]

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Just remember, nobody ever really dies. They live on inside of you, they walk beside you in spirit always. They are always watching you, and looking out for you, even if you can't see them there anymore. I also believe when we pass on one day, we'll see all the people we lost again. That always helps me go on when I miss someone who died.