My boyfriend.

[xXKristoferXx]

it's been only 7 months since my boyfriend commited suicide. And as corny as it may sound, he was the one for me. Everyday i still think of him. i blame myself for his death. he was supposed to have a movie night with me but the day before he asked if he could go to his friends house, i wasnt gonna say no we een eachother everyday so i understood. the next day i got a call from his mom. she was screaming and calling me all sorts o fhorrible names. i hung up, i didnt know what else to do. she used to treat me like family there nd i was so confused. a few hours later she called again, much calmer now, and told me he over-dosed. that it was suicide. that it was my fault. Ever since then i've been cutting myself and thinking about killing myself. again as corny as it sounds, i dont want to live without him. I've been trying to stop cutting but it seems like second nature. he used to do it and i want to be exactly like how he'd want me. But, i know he wouldnt want me to cut. i just miss him so much, it's like a physical pain that i cannot get over. i've tried dating other guys but i wasnt really into it. it felt like i was in a daze up till this month when i finally realized he was dead, he wasnt coming back.

sorry it's so long.. /:

[Amember]

7 months ago at the age of 14/15... Sorry to sound rude, but he should of thought twice and stopped being so narrow minded. What gets on my nerves the most is young teens who think it's the end of the world.."Oh no I gotta kill myself".. Pfft...

Again, I apologise for my rudeness but some times being blunt is required as long as it's not done in a suicidal manner that makes things worse. Okay, first off.. You stop of physical harm, now. I don't care how hard it may be, it's not the way to stop your grieving, in fact it'll cause more pain than ease; you even said he wouldn't want you to cut, more reason to drop the sharp equipment.

Secondly, As hard as it may be for you to realise he will never come back.. You truly may have not felt what the power of a family member loss is like. I think you should start taking a breather and stop thinking of negative thoughts, sure it may be hard for you and you may just give in but seriously, you're only 15 and already thinking suicidal thoughts. HELLO?! Think of all the awesome stuff is out in the world, I thought my life was bad when my ex cheated on me, but I never went suicidal. I thought life was hard having a mum who has been fighting cancer for 10 years, I never once self harmed. Sure, I was upset and I cried but it's NEVER worth the blade or suicide.. NEVER.

I think after you've read this take it as how ever you want, but my suggestion for you is to relax, stop all self harm and think what life will be without thinking of the negative things. Honestly, there's more to life than self harm.

Um, again.. I apologise for how I may have been rude at the start of my message is was uncalled for but I'm not going to remove it. If you're brave enough to cut, you're brave enough to face the facts. I would just prefer you to realise that, and to stop self harm. I'm kind at heart, so don't worry, I will be more lighter next time.

[xXKristoferXx]

actually i think i needed the rudeness. but honestly he isnt the reason i cut. i've been cutting for two years now, it's more of an addiction then just an act. if you know what i mean. also, im trying to get help, but my parents dont care about me so i have no way of getting the help i need. which is one of the reasons i came here. and he was older then me, he was 16 and going through a rough time. im not saying your wrong or that i shouldnt stop cutting cus i know that you are right. i need to stop and he shouldn't have been thinking about it.
and im suicidal for many different reasons. but again, there's no way i can get the help i need.
thank you though. for being blunt. everyone usually goes around the gruesome truth, but you didnt. thanks.

[Amember]

Brill, my message completely deleted itself.. That just totally made me growl. Okay, time to try re-type my message for you.

I have my times where I just want to be so rude and just go "OMFGWTF".. Like I did in my last message, kinda. Though to a certain degree sometimes it's not required but it's good you understood, as long as you didn't do anything silly. I understand, well.. I can say I understand but to be perfectly honest all the things you've mentioned I've never experienced but I'd like to say I do understand you and would personally try to give as much possible advice as hell would offer.

Firstly, you have school so you could try get help there, not friends, but school advice centre, or what ever they may offer. If you're incapable of getting advice yourself for whatever reason you may deem, then at least do something else to motivate yourself away from self harming. I know for a fact I will never self harm, because it just doesn't make sense. I do know however, that when I listen to loud music, it really just chill me out because I love it. Sure, it may not be the answer for you, but at least find something else to stop you from causing further physical pain to yourself.

Hm, 16 is probably more better than 14/15 but wouldn't change my opinion on how stupid I think he is for what he did, still young. As for your parents, I can't stand strict parents as it is, but parents that don't give a damn.. That's just a whole new level of "wtfness".

Anyways, I can always be understanding and always have ears wide open, as well as eyes to listen, so if you ever want to talk outside of this thread, I'm more than welcome to be ears and eyes open.