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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sakikizu Offline
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My mother and my grandfather. - February 26th 2009, 12:13 AM

February 10th of this year, my grandfather passed away at 86 years old. He had been mysteriously losing blood over the course of the year he was in an assisted living home. He died of cardiac arrest resulting from anemia.

Five days later, February 15th, my mom followed at 48 years old. She had been battling breast AND cervical cancer that spread to her kidneys and caused them to shut down.

Two deaths in one week is almost more than I can handle. Not only do I lose my grandfather, whom I was very close to, but I also lose my mom -- my best friend. Its been a week and a half and I haven't even attempted to go back to school. I wouldn't be able to keep it together in front of my friends and teachers. My house feels so empty now that she's gone. My dad and I can't sleep at night because of everything that has happened.

I'm going to graduate from high school in less than 4 months, and I'm scared that I'll be transitioning into a new life without my mom. I love my dad more than anything, but there will never be anyone like my mom. I miss her so much.
Two weeks ago, we thought that she was coming home from the hospital... but she didn't.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mother and my grandfather. - February 26th 2009, 04:12 AM

Lee Jackson,

I wish it weren't true, but I don't even know where to begin. I want to reach out and touch you, to let you know you aren't alone, but words aren't magic and I can't fix this for you, and for that I am sorry.

I wish I knew what to say. Losing someone you love is so hard. To lose two people, two people you are so close to, in a week... it's no wonder you haven't gone to school, that you aren't sleeping.

I guess there is no right place to start. When I lost my great grandfather (around the same age) I was heartbroken. I loved him so deeply, but I never let myself cry. Cry. Because you need to, because it's okay, because you can. Cherish the past you had with him and try to be at peace, knowing he lived a long and fulfilling life. I think at the end of our lives, the only thing most of us hope for is that we leave someone behind, to remember us, who cared. To have someone at your side the last few days of your life is more than we can know, until it happens to us.

Your mom... my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would do if I lost my mother. I'd be lost, heartbroken, I can't even think about it without beginning to panic. Nothing I can say will make her loss easier to cope with. Just know you're not alone. Don't let yourself be alone.

Graduating high school is hard enough. You're about to enter a period of uncertainty in your life--I don't know what I'd have done, if I didn't have my mom here during this time in my life. Who would I have called, 2AM, crying, that would answer the phone? You're going to need your dad and your friends now, more than ever, and don't ever feel like you cannot go to them. I'll also be here, even though I don't know you, if you ever need to talk.

Graduation is scary. Your future is up in the air and it's hard to even know who you are. But in my life I've discovered that dreams can change the world. In the next few years you'll be forced to grow up. You will live as an adult and be faced with everything you thought you had prepared for. Me telling you it will be hard will not help you to prepare for it. You will be challenged, in ways you cannot anticipate, but without juggling the expectations of the name you carry or the people who have known you for years. You will find a freedom you may have never known existed--the freedom to explore, to fail, and to explore again and it will help you to become a more authentic, compassionate, empathetic and driven version of the person you are today. Just don't stop dreaming. Because now is your chance to rediscover and nurture your dreams, without interference. Just remember who you were as a child and a teenager. Remember who you were, right at THIS moment, and always, without fail, incorporate your purest ambitions--your childhood dreams--into the life you lead, tomorrow.

Make your mother and your grandfather proud. I believe they're watching over you. And when you meet them again, at the end of your life, you will have so many thousands of wonderful stories to tell. They cannot be with you anymore, but they are in you. And they can be in your life forever. The most splendid thing we can do, for our lost loved ones, is to remember them for all of the good they brought to our lives, and then to live on in ways that would make them proud to look down upon us and say "I was a part of molding this wonderful life."

Your entire life is ahead of you. Spend it discovering. Spend it free. And don't go it alone.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mother and my grandfather. - February 26th 2009, 05:44 AM

Hey hun,

Let me tell you something first- you are not alone in this, not in any way. When my uncle died a few years back, nobody thought they'd be able to go on any more. But within two weeks, his father had died too. And then a couple of weeks later, so did my great aunt and then another great aunt. I am so sorry for what has happened to you but I promise that you can get through it.

You don't need to go to school just yet, but try not to shut yourself away for too long by yourself. Your friends are going to want to help you. Let them help you. Lean on them. It's what friends are for. Cry to them and let them know how you are feeling and they will help you and support you. What about your other family? Do you have other family nearby? They will be understanding how you are feeling, and they can help you too. When you are ready, go to school. Try to in the new few weeks at least a couple of times. Even if it's just for an hour or two a day. Your teachers should know by now what is going on, and they will be able to give you the time and space that you need to get back into your schooling. But don't give up on the year- finish it and finish it as best as you can. Make your Mum and grandad proud.

Do not give up. Your Mum and your grandad died, don't let yourself die too. Keep on living, be strong and brave and you will get through it. Hold on to their memories and use it to push through life. It will get better, I promise. Day by day, little by little, you will start to feel better and someday, you will be able to be happy again. I know it may seem like it's a while off, but you will. You will remember them forever and you will probably think about them every single day for a long long time. Hold on to their memories and the good things about them- the fun you had together and all the things you got up to. The things they dreamt for you and the things they wanted you to do with your life. They would not want you to give up.

If you want to, you could see a grief counsellor. It's always good to see somebody, because you can talk to them about how you're feeling and what's going on and they will be able to support you and give you all the help you need. I would highly recommend doing this, if you're not already. They will be able to show you how to rebuild your life.

Your life after graduation will now be different from the way you imagined it, and your mum won't be there with you in person, but she will be in spirit. You can take her with you wherever you go and whatever you do, just carry her in your heart. She would want to be there. It will be scary making that transition from high school to wherever else you will go to, but I know that you can do it.

Hold on tight. It's going to be bumpy for a while but I know you can make it.

All the best,

PM me if you want to

Ever mind the Rule of Three: Three times what thou givest returns to thee: This lesson well, thou must learn: Thee only gets what thou dost earn.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mother and my grandfather. - February 27th 2009, 07:22 AM

oh this is very sad for you. i also love my mom very much. but dn't think you are alone your dad also with you. i understand you problem but this is the chain of nature whos come in the earth they must goes out. you can try best for your new life. your mother memories also with you. after some years you will be happy in your life because day by day you can able to live new life. Best of luck for your future.
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Re: My mother and my grandfather. - March 7th 2009, 03:27 AM

Hey hun,

I'm so sorry, it is so unfair. There is nothing anyone can say to make this better. It will hurt and you will always miss them. You love them and they love you still, wherever they are. The only thing I can say is cherish the time you had with them. And I really do believe the people we lose are there with us always. So not only will your mom and your grandfather be with you but so will your father and family and friends and everyone that loves you. I'm so sorry!

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Re: My mother and my grandfather. - March 7th 2009, 04:41 AM

aww. that's so sad. but you're probably going to be greaving for awhile at least i would be. i don't know what more to say other than give you a hug.

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind and if you have a positive outcome you have a positive income and just to have more positivity and just to kind of laugh it off. ~ Miley Cyrus

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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My mother and my grandfather. - March 7th 2009, 07:30 AM

Im so sorrry the only advice i can give you is to say keep string and try to go back to school soon.


"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

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