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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Briana Offline
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rip grandma - March 2nd 2009, 07:57 PM

I feel weird for posting 2 threads in one day....the first part of my day was okay until...

My dad came in to the school to tell me my grandma died.

I have no idea how to react to this. She use to always call me rude names and verbally hurt me since I was young. Half of me is relieved (I know that is bad to say) and the other half is sad for the rest of my family. She hurt me so much in my life I don't know what to feel towards this.

Sorry if this is not good to say....


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Re: rip grandma - March 2nd 2009, 08:58 PM

Hi Briana!!

I hope you're OK.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. I understand what you're going through. When my dad died - about 15 years ago - I was the only one who cried at his funeral. But I didn't cry because my dad died - I cried because I knew that I was never going to have the kind of dad that I always wanted and needed - someone I could count on to be there for me. His death was also the death of my hopes and dreams of having a great dad. Up until the day he died - I kept hoping and praying that he would change. He didn't. It was a sad day for me - but also a confusing one - for I wasn't sure how I felt - or how I should have felt. Like your Grandma - my dad was often verbally abusive - seemingly going out of his way to make me feel 'less than'. From what you said in your message - your grandma was like that too. So how should you feel? I say - feel sorry that she died and was unable or unwilling to take advantage of the opportunity to be a good person - to be someone who was kind and loving. She pushed people away with her words and lost so much by doing so. Feel sorry for her for what she lost. And vow not to follow in her footsteps. Life is far too short to be mean-spirited.

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Re: rip grandma - March 3rd 2009, 06:50 PM

Bri,

It seems like you're torn between feeling upset over the loss of your grandma and feeling relieved that she cannot hurt you anymore. I think it is important for you to hear this, right now: it is okay to feel conflicted.

On the one hand, she was your grandma--a member of your family, one of your parent's parent. She was possibly a constant presence in your life, and now she's gone. On the other hand, she was less than kind to you, it seems, and I want you to know that it is okay to feel relieved that she cannot hurt you anymore.

I remember when a girl from my school passed away. She had been mean to me, in the past, and a part of me was so glad that she couldn't do that anymore--but I felt terrible for feeling that way, and terrible anyways, over the loss of a peer. You aren't alone in what you're going through.

Try to be aware of your family's feelings, during this time, but also don't ignore your own. Let me know if you need to talk, ever.



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Briana Offline
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Re: rip grandma - March 3rd 2009, 11:58 PM

Thank You Craig and Jessie.

I am trying to just be there for everyone else in my family. At first I wasn't going to really help with the Services. But then decided to write and read off a poem.

The thing that I am hating at the moment is that even though she was so rude and disrespectful to me I was kind of the same to her. Just after my whole life of being called a bunch of names and everything hurting I don't think I could respond to her in a nice way. The past few years I haven't even talked to her. I would go and visit her but nto talking. So, I just feel kind of bad.

She is happy now. I am relieved in a way. And I think it is just less stress for the whole family.


"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"In that moment, I swear, we were Infinite."
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and a We in Wellness."
   
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Anna Skye Offline
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Re: rip grandma - March 4th 2009, 07:26 PM

Hey Briana,

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you're feeling right now. You don't have to be sad when somebody dies, even if you're related to them. If she hurt you, then she hurt you, and you don't have to feel a sense of loss for somebody who you didn't feel attached to.
But I think it's really good that you're helping your family, because I'm sure your mom or dad (whoever had her as a mother) is feeling extremely upset and heartbroken right now. At the heart of it all, she was their mom, you know? Just be your kind and loving self, and that's all you should do :]

peace and love


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