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in november 2010 one of my best friends killed himself. i didnt know him as well as i wanted to because he lived so far away, but i loved him. he was 18 when he killed himself. i miss him and i just wish he could have told somebody about his feelings before he did it. i constantly read what he wrote to me in his suicide note and it always makes me cry. i even talk to him sometimes. just imagining hes talking to me, thats how much i miss him. he was amazing, i just wish he could have truly seen how amazing he was
Re: I miss him so much... -
March 17th 2011, 10:24 AM
I know it's really hard to deal with death of a loved one. I know what it's like. I lost my cousin a while ago. He was what one would call, my "idol". I looked up to him for everything. He was a version of God in my eyes. It was almost5 or 6 years ago. I was 14, I think. He knew me like no one else. He was 18 too. For the most part, it really wasn't suicide, but for a long time, I thought I was the cause for his death. Certain things that I did, a string of events, led to his passing. Even today it's like, I can see him, and I can here him say things to me.
He wrote alot of letters to me. I still have them all. Preserved. The only thing I have left of him.
He shouldn't have taken his life, but there seemed to be no one to help him, and so it happened. I'm sorry it did.
It's never easy losing someone. And it hurts so bad you wish you could go back in time and change things, or at least have spent more time or something like that. It's hard to get over. I'm not exactly over it all. But my heart feels better these days. What's most important is that you honour him and his time when he was alive. Keep his memory alive. He lived his time on this earth. Be strong, he would want that for you. Grieving is an important part of someone's death. So grieve. You need to. You want to. Just stay strong. You'll find strength as time goes along.
You could also do your best to give your help to all those people who feel the way he did, so that atleast you're giving them the help he couldn't get and preventing suicides, also, preventing other people feeling the way you are right now, because I know you know the feeling and it's horrible. You could prevent such feelings. If you need to talk to anyone, I'm here. <3
~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.
"And so I grew from colt to stallion
As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."
Re: I miss him so much... -
March 17th 2011, 11:06 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. As what Kaveri just before me said, grieving is hard. He was someone who you really cared for, and now he is no longer with us. So it is only natural for you to feel sad about this. I have lost many friends, and family members. So it isn't easy to somehow come into acceptance. But just put it this way, if he were still living, would he want you to be depressed, and upset all the time? No he wouldn't. He is no longer here, but that doesn't mean you can't still remember him. Keep all the happy thoughts you have of him. If you have to write about dealing with his death, then do it. If you want to draw pictures, you can also do that. Draw pictures of him. Or write about the thoughts you have of him. As what Kaveri said, you can be an advocate against suicide. So nobody else that you love will lose the battle against suicide. Educate people, and let them know suicide isn't the answer. Suicide takes lives, it is sad. But reasons and situations like this, when it is someone who we truly love who commits suicide, is when we decide to take action for it. Once again I'm very sorry for you loss. If you need to talk, we are always open for you. Don't be afraid to ask.
You've had a landscaper and a house keeper since you were born
The sunshine always kept you warm.