What do you do?

[Gymnophoria]

I seriously never thought I'd post in this forum. But okay, here goes.
Back in November, my Papa died. He'd had Alzheimer's for years, he'd been diabetic since I was about 8 or 9 and probably about a year ago now I found out he had cancer. It was either Leukaemia or Bowel cancer. They never found out for sure because either way they couldn't do anything about it and putting him through the tests to confirm one or the other would just be unnecessary distress for him.
When I found out about the cancer I made my mind up not to outlive him by more than a few weeks at most. I couldn't handle thinking about losing him. He's been my best friend practically since the day I was born. We were really close.
Thing is, though. It wasn't the cancer that killed him. It was really sudden and no one saw it coming. I got up one Sunday morning to find my dad leaving the house, he told me that my Papa was in hospital, it looked bad and it didn't look like he'd survive it this time. Less than an hour later my parents came home. I can't get the image out of my head. Mum just started crying, shook her head and hugged me. I bit down on my lip and cried. My brother started sobbing while my dad held him. It's so clear like it was yesterday.
I still don't know how I managed to get through that. It was honestly the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I'm still not even close to being over it. The problem is, I keep dreaming about him.
He just pops up in my dreams and sometimes it's like nothing ever happened. Other times I'm the only one that can see him and everyone else knows he's gone. Most of the time I'm crying when I wake up, or start soon after. I really miss him and can't deal with dreaming about him so much yet.
Does anyone else dream about someone they've lost a lot? How do you deal with it? I really don't want to dream about him when I'm with my girlfriend again, it was all I could do not to break down last time.
Any advice would be great.

[Reverie.]

Hey Nat.

I'm so sorry you lost him, I know it's tough dealing with death of any kind, but with someone so close it is that much worse. I have drempt about two of the people I've lost, but I've always concidered it a mesage from them. I guess that's because I feel I'm able to be contacted by them through senses other than sight or hearing though. The dreams I have do upset me, as they obviously willl do because they're about people who mean alot to you, but they make me smile too. This could be because of why I believe I had them, but I always feel a bit warm after having them. I think of it as a memory, as I cannot see them now, so my dreams act like a memory with them being there.

I know it's hard to think of death in any way but negetive, but at some point you need to accept that he's gone, and remember him for the good points rather than thefact he's gone. It's hard, I know, and crying is healthy especially since it's still quite fresh in your memory, but it gets easier, I promise you. I lost my nan back in 2007, and although we weren't extremly close, it hit me hard because I thought she'd eventually get better. Death was never an option for me, I had myself convinced she'd be okay. When she died, it hit me like a tonne of bricks and I wished on every star that it was a mistake and that she was okay. In time though, you find it easier to carry on without them. People never die completly, the memories keep them alive.

PM me if you want to talk, and once again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Chin up. <3