Non-PG13 (Strong Language): I'm Fucking Angry!

[LostTeen011]

My grandma passed away in April. She had cancer for 7 years and she developed a brain tumor probably early this year. We didn't find out until March and three weeks later she was gone. She was my only true friend in the world and now she is gone. The pain still cuts deep, I cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about her and I constantly think about her everyday. This is not the point of this thread.

Yesterday I got on my friends facebook account and saw a friend of ours in her news feed. Our friend wrote on one of our schoolmates wall saying "I'm sorry.....we would always talk about our mothers' strength...." Instantly I remember both of their mothers had cancer, so I knew her mother had passed away. I go to our schoolmates profile to see the rest of what my friend wrote. As I scroll through our schoolmates wall I was taken a back by all the love, support and heartfelt message left by other people, but in the back of mind all I can think about is how no one showed this type of sympathy when my grandma passed. I know I barely have friends, but their were people who asked me why I was out of school for a week and a half. Instead of showing thei condolences, they want to practically brush me off. When my I got back to school my algebra teacher, who I dislike with a passion, talked with me alone asking what happened to my grandma. Actually she said "I got the email saying someone, your mother passed?" I began to tell her the story. My grandma was 72 when she died and I was extremely uncomfortable because I feel like she was too young. The nurse who came to my house and called for my grandma to be taken to the hospital a few days before she died assured me my grandmother lived a full, long life. I started to accept this reasoning until my teacher asked me how old my grandma was. When I told her she exclaimed, "Oh she was young!" Thanks a lot for making me feel better bitch. Next I went to my art class where I have 3 art buddies I associate with during class. One of my friends came in and ran over to me asking me where have I been with a huge smile. I was hoping she wouldn't ask me and just guess my grandmother died since I told her she was sick two weeks before. I told her the story and she just stood there smiling. She then walked over to me and gave me a shitty ass hug. Really?!? What is a fucking hug going to help? (I know it was a awkward position for her and she didn't know what to say, but it bothers me how she just stood there smiling.) Next some annonying girl in my band class who only talks to me becasue she wants to use my phone EVERY FUCKING DAY no matter where we are comes over and asks me where have I been only to work her way into a conversation, so it doesn't seem like she's a selfish whore who's only using me for my phone. I tell her the story and then she sayd she's sorry....one second lated she says smiling, "You still shoulda came to school." and walks away giggling. What the fuck would provoke you to say something like that you ugly ass troll. I wanted to slap the shit out of her with my fucking fist. Last rude comment of the day I received was at lunch with the 2 girls I sit with who are suppose to be my friends. I can't stand either of them. One talks only about herself constantly, cutting people off to talk about her and thinks she knows every fucking thing in the got damn universe. The other is the most stupidest person I have ever met, literally she's a fucking idiot and they both make a big deal out of everything. So, we were at lunch and I just said I don't know how I was going to get all my make-up work done. Then, the idiot starts babbling on about she feels sorry about all the work I have and then tells me I ONLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN TWO DAYS OFF AT LEAST AND CAME BACK TO SCHOOL, BECAUSE IT WASN'T A SMART MOVE TO MISS A WEEK OF SCHOOL. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!! THE WOMEN WHO RAISED ME JUST DIES AND YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE JUST PRETENDED TO BE FINE AND NOT BREAK DOWN AND COME TO SCHOOL. HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE!!!!!!!!!!!! After that I had enough and I needed to go home. I went to the head guidance counsuler at my school and told her what happen since I confided in her about what I was going through a month before my grandmother died. She told me she was sorry and suggested I talk to one of the counsulers from Hospice, the care under which my grandmother had.

I cannot begin to describe my frustration with Hospice. My grandmother stopped walking, so that's why we took her to the hospital and found out about her brain tumor. She then decided she wanted no more chemotherapy because the cancer was still spreading so she decided to go under Hospice care. What I am angry about with them is what happened after that happened. My mother works form noon to midnight four days a week. I go to school from morning until the afternoon. So, those four days a week it was just me taking care of my grandmother. It started to become difficult for my mother and me taking care of her, so my grandmother and my mother expressed to her social worker about putting her in a nursing home. The social worker said we have to wait until a bed opens up, but in the meantime we will be provided with a nurse. Oh, but not a HOSPICE nurse, we get an early twenty year old nusre from care advanage who's not even trained to administer medicine and only works on the weekdays from 11am-6pm!!!!!!!!!!! All she did was sit around and watch fucking MTV music videos and just came to peek at my grandmother from time to time. So, yeah, as the tumor started to grow larger and started to impair my grandmother's mobile functions and caused seizures guess who was giving her medicine....That's right....ME! I had to watch and worry over my grandmother before they took her to the Hospice hospital after I kept repeatedly calling after the medicine did nothing for her. Oh and magically the social worker possibly found a bed for her a day before she went into the hospital. Soooo no I DO NOT WISH TO TALK TO THESE SCUMBAG PEOPLE EVER!

The point of this thread was to express my feelings about what has happended. I can't even begin to explain how much I hate people in this world. They care about no one except themselves narcissictic dipshits! I hope you all lead miserable live and fuck yourselves.

[Gidig]

Hey-

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Losing someone so close to us, is so horrible it can't be expressed in words and it hurts.

I'm sorry your friends weren't more supportive, or really supportive at all. My friends act the same way about everything and it's annoying and so unhelpful. Are you comfortable enough with any of them to tell them how you're feeling about it? If they're really your friends, they'll then try to be supportive after you clearly express your need for it. Some people just don't catch on to how hurt others are. While I don't want to make excuses for your friends, the other possibility is they don't know how to react, may feel bad for asking and think you want to change the subject, or weren't sure how close to your Grandmother you are. I know when I was in school, people would assume when a Grandmother passed away that they weren't close with them or something like that. But that still doesn't mean your friends shouldn't ask how you are.

Have you considered going to a therapist? They tend to be more beneficial than school counselors. They're specifically trained to deal with things like death and grieving which can be a different experience for everyone. And I don't think talking to the Hospice nurses after they treated your family like that, would be helpful to talk to either.
You should also look in to hospitals near you, they may have a support group for things like that. I know the hospital near me does and it's really helpful for a lot of people I know.

Good luck, I hope things start going better for you. =)
Maria.

[LostTeen011]

Originally Posted by Gidig

Are you comfortable enough with any of them to tell them how you're feeling about it? If they're really your friends, they'll then try to be supportive after you clearly express your need for it.

Have you considered going to a therapist? They tend to be more beneficial than school counselors. They're specifically trained to deal with things like death and grieving which can be a different experience for everyone. And I don't think talking to the Hospice nurses after they treated your family like that, would be helpful to talk to either.

Well the friends I were talking about aren't really friends, but associates. We don't hang outside of school or talk over the phone, they're just people I talk to keep me from going insane from lack of a social life. They don't always treat me like friends should anyways (like ignoring me when I have things to say), so they will never get bumped up to being friends.

As for seeing a therapist my mother won't take time out to do that. Even if I talk to her about the reason why I resent Hospice she won't care. She's going to tell me that we don't have money for therapists and that the Hospice counsulers weren't the actually people that neglected my grandmother proper care and they're the only option we pretty much have.

[Veronica1986]

OMG I'm so sorry. Those people are asses, and you can get through without them. I'm here for ya