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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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A single PM can change your life. - January 6th 2009, 04:02 AM

Taken from my blog.

Where do I begin? Off and on I've been into a game called PSO; anyone who knows of it gets a gold star. It's awesome. Last spring I discovered a place where I could play online on my PC for free, and last summer I joined their forums and became a part of that community.

In early September I was browsing one of the subforums and found a post by a user called Allanine Charlene that answered a new player's questions in a very thoughtful and helpful way. (I also noticed that her sig contained a picture of a really pretty girl. Heh.) It was these two factors that led me to PM her and attempt to start a conversation with her. The attempt worked; we talked for a little bit via PM, which led to us meeting up in-game, which led to MSN.

This girl, Charlene, changed my life. Almost immediately I discovered that she had a profound talent for understanding others and helping them out. She always knew exactly the right thing to say; her words would pierce whatever haze of uncertainty had clouded your thoughts and snuggle up right in the core of your being, astonishing you with their power and truth. She always strove to understand the people around her, so as to help them better, but also because she had a natural desire to understand everything she possibly could. And she succeeded just about all of the time. I once said to Sarah that if she had joined TH and began to give out advice, she would be able to match anyone there for sheer compassion, understanding and wisdom. Anyone there. That is not a slight against anybody on TH; that is just a comparison so people can see just how incredible she was.

Soon after we met I decided that she was trustworthy and I let her take my head apart. She listened to me, she analyzed me, she thought about me and eventually gave me answers to questions that nobody else had EVER been able to answer before. She gave me the tools I needed to expand on my beliefs about life and to know myself better, something that she said I very desperately needed. It took a couple of months to make excellent progress in those areas, but we managed to do it. She taught me many things, including a desire to understand things- that part of her must have rubbed off on me.

In addition to being very wise, Charlene was an unstoppable incarnation of positive energy and optimism. Things would get her down, yes; she was only human. Yet her core belief about herself was "I am Charlene, and I can do anything." And she could. Her biggest dream, related to the game we both played and its community, was to create a place where new players would be accepted and welcome, and could be open about their, well, noobishness. She collected items specifically to give away to others, purely out of the generosity of her heart. In doing so she set examples that others began to follow, and eventually her dream became a reality: she single-handedly influenced many people to sympathize with her efforts and contribute. She wanted it enough, and she accomplished it. That's just who she was. She wasn't perfect; she had flaws, of course. But unlike almost anyone I've ever met, those flaws were reduced to near-nonexistence when compared to the strengths she carried inside her.

About a month ago Charlene came down with a case of pneumonia, mostly due to the cold weather. It led to bacterial blood poisoning and she died on the morning of December 28th. She had known that it was going to kill her, and she was online Saturday night to say goodbye. Even through the incredible weakness that her body was suffering, she smiled at me when she told me she would be watching over me. That particular detail just about made me cry on its own. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

I've written this out because I wanted to write something in Charlene's memory. PSO music is always going to remind me of Charlene, as will PSO itself. Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve will always make me think of her- she showed me that song around when we first met and said it described her fairly well, which it does. I have my memories of her, and I suppose I wanted a place to share those memories with others.

I really miss you, Charlene, and I hope that you're happy, wherever you are, just like you were in life. Rest in peace.
   
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January 6th 2009, 04:00 PM

I'm sorry, but you know remember the fun times and just know that you may see her again some day.
   
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January 6th 2009, 04:05 PM

That was really beautifully written. She seems like a great person. I wish I could have met her. I am glad you wrote this about her, it means a lot. I hope you are okay, I am sure she is resting peacefully wherever she is. I am sure she will be looking downa dna watching over you. Remember the good times, like Emily said.

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January 6th 2009, 04:14 PM

Charlene sounds like an incredible person and I'm sure she's looking down on you as she said. It's good that you got a chance to say good bye to her.
I'm sorry for your loss.
   
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January 6th 2009, 08:09 PM

Jered, I already told you that I'd read this in chat, but thought I'd continue a bit here.

Charlene does indeed sound like a wonderful person, and I'm sure she would have made a great person on TeenHelp. It's a pity most of us (none of us?) ever got to meet her like you did.
I'm sorry that she died - at the very least, you were able to say goodbye, and that's a great gift in itself.
   
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January 6th 2009, 08:18 PM

I am sorry but I have no words for that, but I really wanted to reply so you know I've read it and heard what your saying. Reading that brought tears to my eyes. It's clear how special she was to you and so many others, if you need anything just give me a shout, okay? Take care <3
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 7th 2009, 05:52 AM

Wow, that was lovely. Charlene sound like a very special person and I think she probably touched many people. Its so cruel that the nice, good people are taken too early. I'm glad that you met her as it sounds like she meant a lot to you and will have a positive impact on you forever. Well done for writing something in her memory, its nice that she has continued to be in people's minds that would never have known about her before. I hope your ok and you find the strength to hopefully pass on her good work by seeing the good in people and helping others. Take care x
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 7th 2009, 04:26 PM

Wow, this story really touched me, and as i can see, many other members too. I'm sure she would be proud of you, and i am too, for sharing her kindness with us. I'm truely and deeply touched.Take care
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 7th 2009, 06:53 PM

Jered, I am so sorry for your loss. It is clear that you cared very much about Charlene. It is also very clear that she was a wonderful, wonderful person.

I've read this thread a few times and have tried to think of exactly what to say, but I think you've said it all, yourself. You described her so elegantly, so I'll just leave you with this: live in a way that would make her proud.

Let me know if you need to talk, ever, about this or anything else.



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I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
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I told you to be kind
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 9th 2009, 10:08 PM

Aww this is reallly sad but really sweet at the same time. It must have been so heart breaking and I'm sorry for your lost. You're in an amazing situation to have some one watching over you.


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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 9th 2009, 10:17 PM

Aw Jered,I am so sorry. Your story really touched me as well. Charlene sounds amazing.

My favorite part of your story where was you said that she used to collect items to give to people. That inspired me to start doing that.

*hug* If you ever need someone to talk too,i'm here.


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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 11th 2009, 08:27 AM

She sounds like an amazing person.
I'm sure she's watching over you Jared.
Stay strong, x


You are the one, the one who lies next to me,
Whispers "hello, I missed you quite terribly"


   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 11th 2009, 11:02 AM

Honestly? That made me cry. It was so real. I'm sorry for your loss. But its clear she had an amazing life xxx


   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 11th 2009, 11:46 AM

I'm sorry for your loss, she sounded like an amazing person and your lucky to have met someone like that in your life.
It sounds like she was such an important person in your life, hold on to the memories.
Hope you're ok
x
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 11th 2009, 11:53 AM

About 20% cases of blood poisoning from Pneumonia die, but it really has so much do with when the patient started treatment and how ill the patient is by the time diagnosis is complete.

It's sad but these things happen and you need to be able to take what ever good you can from this situation. Your experiances, taught you how to be you said, as a result she will always be with you if she influenced you that much because you will still do and think the way she taught you and helped you develop into.

So even though she is gone, you will always have memories.
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 11th 2009, 02:47 PM

That was beautifully written. Don't let her spirit die, keep it alive by being as caring and understanding and curious as she once was. Good luck and I am so sorry for your loss.




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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 11th 2009, 11:59 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's great that you got to say goodbye, that's a rare and special gift Charlene sounds like she was an absolutely amazing person. I wish I'd had the opportunity to know her.

As everyone else has said, that was beautifully written, it was really a great tribute to her. I'm crying now.

If you ever need anything, I'm only a PM away, k?

~Cody
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 12th 2009, 04:16 AM

Okay, I've got to say something by this point. You guys have written incredibly awesome replies. Everybody praising Charlene's memory, or at least, the image I created with my words... it's amazing. Thanks to every single person who took the time to post and share their thoughts with me.

I suppose... I haven't been thinking much of Charlene lately, not after the first week or so. Thinking of her and accepting that she's gone is still hard, and if I dwell on it too much it hurts. But sometimes I'll have random flashes where it's not difficult to imagine her standing there next to me, watching me do whatever I'm doing, and smiling. I don't care if that sounds crazy; it's what goes through my head. =P

Jessie, your statement of "live in a way that would make her proud" is especially important to me. Thank you.
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 12th 2009, 04:25 AM

Aww hun im so sorry you lost her, It must have been so hard for you. She is there watching over you she sounded so lovely and your post is soo sweet, she sounds liek she was a part of you the way you explained so lovingly as to how amazing she was. I am praying for you that you will remember her wise words of love and encouragment but now she can still be with you just not on the computer. Your post is so sad that i actually cried while reading it. I think it might help you remember her even better if you were to write some poems about her or write down all the things she did for you.
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 12th 2009, 10:23 AM

You're so welcome, Jered.

Please remember that I'm always here to talk.



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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 12th 2009, 02:57 PM

That was such a touching story. I'm really sorry for your loss. But I'm glad you got to have such a great friendship. :]
   
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Re: A single PM can change your life. - January 12th 2009, 06:31 PM

Though I never had the pleasure of meeting her, I would venture to guess that Charlene would be honored to read what you've written about her here. I would have liked to have known her.
It's amazing how often our lives can cross each other by mere seconds and yet still touch each other so deeply. She sounds like an incredible person; I'm sorry for your loss.



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