Grandfather Gone Without Warning

[BethanyAnn]

How can someone be here oneday and gone the next... My moms father just died in his sleep, she is hurt really bad.. I mean I wasn't really close to the guy but I have memories with him and I stayed with him a lot when I was little and you get a phone call saying he died in his sleep... Why do these things happen.. I am mainly concerned about my mother she is already a weak person, how do I help her, I mean I have watched my best friend die but I can only imagine loosing a parent...

[dipka]

That's how life work's, sometimes you can know well in advanced when someone is expected to die, othertimes people just die suddenly, with no sign's or warning's that they will do so.
Both situation's are equailly hard to deal with, both slowly, since you want to ensure that you are left with happy memories, but at the same time the person must be very ill for you to know they will die. People dieying suddenly is just as hard to deal with though, since you have no time to prepare, or say any final word's.. It's all just over so quickly.

I think that the best thing you can do to help you'r mum is to let her do what she needs. For example if she need's to cry, then let her.. perhapse offer her a tissue, or a hug but those are the tears that she need's to help her through, dont make her feel bad about it.

Anothing thing you should tell her is that you ARE more than willing to talk about it and offer her thing's she can do to help, when she is ready to, make sure she is fully aware that your offer is there. Since all you want to do is what's best for her.

Later on (as more time has passed) when she has begun to accept that he has really died. You should surgest that she does thing's such as creating a memory box. Gather any pictures or objects that he had/gave her all together in a special place such as a box, keep this as the box of him. Also include any drawing's/or anything written wich she want's to say/think. She should/may want to keep this private since most people would do, but just let her know that again she can talk to you if she want's to.

Finally, continue to live life with the attitide: "he wouldent want me to ..... he wanted to(do himself)/wanted me to ...... since he cannot do this now I must do so instead"
And: "You cannot change the past, it's already happend, but the future is whatever you make of it, make sure it end's up how you want"
Or: "I didend lose him you see, not really no, because he's up here *point's to head* as is everything that you will ever remember about him, and no-one can ever take that away from you, ever" (Quoted then modofied from the film 'Goodnight Mr Tom')

And, I am allways here if their is anything I can do to help, please let me know
Dipka