Death is a horrible thing

[StrawberrySwing]

Hey,

I know this may not necessarily be a problem anymore, although i need to live with a constant reminder, but I thought it was in my best interest to share to everyone what I had to go through within 1 year of my life, the worst year of my life, and hope that someone who is looking for a little help can gain something from this.

This all happened last year, back in March 2010, I went on MSN and seen that my Best Friend was online when she said that she was at Uni and that she wouldnt be online very much so I took the oppertunity to speak to her and asked her why she was online, how she was etc, and she replied "haven't you seen the news lately?" and I replied No, because i dont pay much attention to the news really, and she said that it was surprising how i hadnt found out. I asked her what it was, and i will never forget her words for as long as i will live. She replied saying that Her mother was murdered by her Father, and that her father had ran off with another woman. At first i thought it was a joke although i never said that to her but within about a minute i just burst into floods of tears, I couldnt believe it. She had to be sent home from uni, and deal with the police, she was still in shock at the time, she hadnt clicked onto the whole thing yet but what really got me was that she was only 18 at the time... and nobody at that age should go through something like that. I knew what her life was like, how her dad used to treat her mum and things, i didnt think it would be possible but it was. My best friend had to go multiple court cases to get her dad in prison, obviously we were all hoping he was innocent but he wasnt, he pleaded guilty on three accounts, attempted murder, murder and fraud. He is now in prison for 13 years, 3 for assualting a security guard at the court house and 10 for murder. My friend doesnt have her parents anymore... and everyday i feel so unbelievably bad for her and surprised she hasnt resorted to any suicidal attempts unlike some others who just cant handle it. That was only just one part of my year.

The next part was back in October. At this point I had been going out with my Boyfriend for about a year and a half, and hadnt spoke a word to my parents about it. I was scared because not only did I meet him for the first time online, through a very close friend who lived near him, but also because he lived about an hour and a half away from where i stayed, in a different part of scotland altogether.
I heard the day after i came back from a holiday that My boyfriends gran died, he was totally in shock and needed me there for him, so therefore i had to speak to my parents about me having a boyfriend that lived so far away, they were fine with it but they didnt understand why i hadnt told them. But i was glad they thought it was fine. I went up to see my boyfriend, i was invited to the funeral although i hadnt met the woman, i was still there for the family, who i had met already as well.
I spent a couple of days at my boyfriends flat and then went home again, spoke to him online frequently, only to be brought down again a week later.
It was Sunday afternoon, the week after the funeral, I was in my bed, and i woke up at lunch time, which i always did on a sunday, dont know why, but i was in the middle of getting up when the phone rang, my dad shouted up to me and said "DAWN, its your boyfriend on the phone!" My heart stopped, I didnt know why he phoned the house as he has NEVER phoned the house before in his life... My sister gave me the phone and i asked "why are you calling the house?!" in a mad tone, which i really regret doing now, and he replied that he was really sorry and that he should have waited for me to phone first and things and i could hear him cry, which only made me think what the hell was wrong, I heard the phone being passed to his younger sister, only for her to tell me that her mum had passed away in her sleep. I dropped to the floor... I had never felt so unbelievably bad in my entire life. She was a wonderful woman, heart full of gold, and i couldnt stop thinking about the fact i had spoken to her the night before, she said she wasnt feeling well and that she hadnt for a few days she thought it was the flu... i felt terrible, knowing that i wasnt there for them, i could not stop crying, i couldnt eat lunch, all i wanted to do was go up there and see my boyfriend, comfort him, letting him know i was there for him.
there had to be an autopsy for the cause of death, which we found out she had blood clots in her veins causing her to have a heart attack. I managed to get up a couple of days after, My boyfriend that night wasnt online for long and decided to drink and grieve whilst watching a film which was totally fine, what ever he wanted.
He had to take time off work and when i arrived at the train station to see himi burst into tears as did he... i wish i was there when he was told about his mum, he wishes that too, but the one thing that got me the most was when he told me that he was glad i got to meet her before she died... she was wonderful, almost like a second mother.

Death has proven to be sensitive to me, only because i have lost so many people in the past, not just this past year, but years previous, both grandfathers in fact, i have hated how bad things have been and i wish death never has to happen, but we all have to go at some point... i just wish it was caused by old age rather than cancer, or heart attacks, strokes, murder.
Things do look up though, you can move on, you do have other people to fall back on, that 1 person you love or knew, you will always remember them, whether they were funny or lovable, boring or sad all the time... you cant live your life on regrets, that is one thing i have learned, you have to find something that will pick your life up, whether that something is a thought or a person, you need it to help you a bit, I dont know anyone who has nobody to look out for them, but on sites like these there are always people, me for example, i'm always there to help others, something i want to get into for work purposes.

So to anyone who has gone through a death, my sympathy goes out to you all. I know how it feels.

[PSY]

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. =( My heart goes out to you, your boyfriend, his family, and your friend as well.

I am moving this to the Death and Grieving forum, and I hope the members there will benefit greatly from your story. =)