Triggering: Moms gone

[Kira-Kira]

my mom died my real mom she was horrible to me the past years but she wasnt wen i was 8 she loved me and now she is gone but i just feel so numb nothing like i already lost her so makes no difference just minus the harrasing calls but deep down i wanted her to call to hear her voice and imagine she was saying something different that she would change and come back and fight to have coustdy over me but she never did and i feel i failed and i cant take anything i said to her back i cant go back and try to help her stop the drugs i cant go back and take back wat i said or what she said i cant its over she gone and i dont know how to feel i know how i should feel but i dont i feel numb and i hate it that way and now she will never hold me in her arms again she will never get better because she is gone gone forever and i dont want her to be i wannt her back

[Reverie.]

Hey Coco,

I'm so sorry this is happening and your finding a lack of emotion surrounding the situation. Somethins you have to remember about death though, is that different people respond differently, and this may simply be your way of responding. The fact you say you feel 'numb' yet still want her back, could be that you didn't have a mother daughter connection that you could have had, and since that was the case, many memories and bonds that you could have had aren't there. Due to this, you may not have an emotional attachment, or not as much as otherwise, and find it hard to feel particularly upset.

Of course you'll want her back. No matter what you've been through with or without her, she was your mother and so we still naturally love them no matter what happens and what you tell yourself. You may even feel that if you had more time you'd do things differently, but now you can't change that. It will be hard but now you've got to move it on. Obviously, it's a death and so the wound never really heals as such, but it doesn't mean you can't keep going. Death is something that everyone experiences at some point, and if we all let it stop us, then life would be pointless. Be strong, because you can be.

PM me if you ever need to talk and I'll be happy to help or listen. I hope you find yourself okay again soon.
Take care,
Hollie.