Triggering (Grieving): 4 years on.

[Reverie.]

Hey guys.

So 4 years ago I lost my great nan. She'd been ill for a while and gone in for an operation to do with her bowel I think. She was making a good recovery. She'd managed to sit up in a chair and everything. I was kind of convinced she'd make it. I mean, I had moments (especially one night) when I got so worried I had sleepless nights over it. But generally I thought she'd be home and we'd be over there every friday night like we used to be. But ont he 10th April 2007, we were told that my mum and nan were given the choice to turn off the life support machine, and let her go peacefully, or put her back into intensive care. She'd gotten worse. They chose to let her go. She died exactly 5 years and a day after her husband, who had died in 2002 of a brain tumour.

When I heard she'd passed, I went hot, then cold then numb. I didn't cry because I wanted to look strong. I held it all in. But just lately, 4 years on, I've been thinking of her a lot more. I've been thinking about how much I miss her, and how much I wish she'd come back. I've got regrets of not going to see her all the times I could when she was alive and well in her flat. I'll remember certain ways she's say things. I just think back to random times at her flat, where we'd have yogurt for dinner because we were young, or when we'd watch 'The Magic of the Far Away Tree' over and over again. After 4 years of me being accepting of the fact she'd gone, I'm starting to grieve more again. It's mianly at night, I'll just think of her, and I'll be sad and just wish more than anything I could see her again.

I guess what I'm asking is if there's any ways I can stop this. She's at peace now, I know this. She's with my grandad, and she'd be happy for that. Sometimes I'll get a quick scent of her front room and I'll smile. So it's not always hard but for the times when it is, is there anything I can do to not feel upset about it? Is it normal to still feel like this after 4 years of not feeling like this?

Thanks.
Hollie.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

I have this problem as well during a certain time of year during which I lost a unit mate at camp. It will be four years in June and still I get upset about March April May and June about the subject on and off. You are NOT alone.

[screwdriverneedsgas]

=(

just remember that your nan would love you to smile and be happpy.... and remember that your nan's smile is your smile as well.

Hollie... please be strong. You are a nice person.. and you deserve to be happy !

[Dark Horse]

I had the same problem with my gran. She died when I was very little, and I only really started thinking and crying about her around this year. I talked to my mom about it, and it did feel better knowing that she knew I was having a tough time with it. Maybe talk to a parent, cousin or aunt/uncle about how you're feeling? Or just a close friend. It helped me! So sorry about your great nan, I hope you feel better, remember it does get better with time pm me if you wanna talk..

[Reverie.]

Thanks guys. ^^