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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tara. Offline
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My dad died. - March 26th 2009, 07:41 AM

I found out today that my dad died. It's really surprising, but not unexpected. He was in bad shape, his health was only getting worse. My uncle came over today and said the police contacted him - the police found him in his apartment, they think he'd been dead for a few days before they found him. I don't know any of the details. It still hasn't sunk in. The last time I talked to him was on Friday. We didn't say much, I told him I was busy and that was about all. I wasn't really busy, he had been drinking so I didn't want to talk to him. I'm trying really hard not to cry about it, we weren't as close as him and my sister were so it doesn't feel right. I'm sad and upset about it, but it doesn't seem real. The service will probably be on Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it because there will be a massive amount of people. He was the kind of person that didn't know a stranger. I'm scared to be in the crowd of people and not cry. I don't want people to think I'm heartless or anything, but I don't want anyone to see me cry either.


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Re: My dad died. - March 26th 2009, 08:09 AM

Hey, I'm sooo sorry! *hug*
But don't think you can't cry! It's perfectly fine to cry, cry all you want, it's good for you! Let your feelings out, don't hold them in!
Again, I'm really sorry!


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad died. - March 26th 2009, 12:17 PM

Tara,

First order of business- *giant hug*
I'm sure you're shocked and scared and very upset about this, but you don't have to put up a front, dear! IT'S OKAY TO CRY. Your dad just died, people will understand, your sister included. He wasn't any less your father than hers, and you're just as allowed to be upset as she is. You can let it out. It's healthy, I promise <3
I'm so so sorry dear :[ I'm here if you need to talk!

peace and love
Anna


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Re: My dad died. - March 26th 2009, 10:24 PM

Hey there Tara. I'm sorry for your loss. <3

There's nothing wrong at all with feeling the way you feel, whether your initial reaction is to be shocked and scared or absolutely devastated, regardless of how close you may have been to your father. Just because your sister was closer, just because you didn't feel like talking to him due to the fact he'd been drinking, he was still your father, and that fact alone makes this a significant loss for which you're allowed to cry and scream and shout as much as you like. Your emotions are valid, Tara, and more than that, they're justified, so don't tell yourself you're wrong for any of these feelings.

As for what's going to happen at service, you're allowed to cry there, too. There's nothing wrong with crying, and people aren't going to look at you funny or see you as weak. They may sympathise, some may even empathise, but they aren't going to pity you. Instead, they're going to understand you, and many of them will probably be crying too. It's also better to express your emotions as you feel them (in a healthy way, of course) as opposed to stuffing them up inside. And if you can't cry or you really, really, really don't want to? That's fine, too. You want to know how I dealt with the death of my grandmother (we were incredibly close)? I laughed. You want to know what else? People didn't think I was heartless, and they aren't going to think you're heartless if you don't cry. So try not to fret about it, okay?

xo Claire




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Re: My dad died. - March 28th 2009, 08:11 AM

Hey tara.

I know this is really hard on you with all this happening, but actually it's OKAY to cry in these kind of things. You might cry because you LOVE your dad, and nothing can change that. It's understandable to cry..

and yeah, they're going to understand you. You're his DAUGHTER! It's obvious that you loved him deeply ..

so you know, this is one of those moments..where showing your feelings.. is actually a very touching thing. Because you know, that's one true sign that you're really a loving daughter who loves your dad that's never gonna change.

ready to talk, always. Especially if there's anything up.


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Re: My dad died. - April 2nd 2009, 04:49 AM

Well the service was a disaster. The family was divided into two sides, literally in the hall way of the church. Me and my sister were both pretty dissappointed with the way things went. The next day I let my uncle (who organized everything) know how we felt about it. He apologized and said it wasn't his intentions. I'm not sure how to take it, but I've decided that my dad wouldn't want things to be like this. I'm letting go of all the crap my uncles have done, but that doesn't me I'm forgetting it. Yesterday I organized for everyone to go to the cemetary just as a way to say goodbye tp my dad and tell stories. It went ok. It wasn't as stressful as the service was and I think everyone left the cemetary feeling good. I think my family still as a long way to go, but I'm starting to see that there is hope for us. I just wish my dad didn't have to die for us to come together. Maybe things really do happen for a reason.


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Re: My dad died. - April 2nd 2009, 02:35 PM

Tara,
First off, I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your dad. I know it's hard losing a family member but I can't even imagine what it would be like for me to lose my dad. I don't even want to think about it. So I can tell that you are being extremely strong and for that I admire you. I'm sorry the service went badly but it sounds like the meeting and goodbye at the cemetery was nice. I think, sometimes, things do happen for a reason even though we can't always tell what that reason is yet. My family was sort of divided on my mom's side for a long time and when my grandpa passed we all came together and just.. forgot about the drama between us and things are good between us all again. It's sad that your dad passed but maybe this is a way for him to live on in your family; as the one who brought your family back together. Hold on to your family through this hard time and stay strong.
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