What to get for my friend?

[iamverybeautiful]

My friend recently lost his dad. I feel so bad. I wish I could make everything better. I went to the funeral and my friends and I got him flowers, cards, etc. However, tomorrow we will be going to his house and I want to give him something personal and special (from me) but I don't know what. The thing is that right before his dad passed away, I had started getting feelings for him and seeing him in a different way. (I have a slight hunch that he might feel the same). Of course, I'm not going to try anything since this is such a difficult time but I want to give him something special to let him know that I'm here for him. Seeing his face during the funeral just completely broke my heart. I've had difficulty sleeping since the father passed away, knowing that he is going through this....

[Chris.]

Yeah - its very hard seeing a friend or relative go through such heartache.

You obviously want to do something from the heart (so maybe buying something isn't the best option). Maybe you can make something (if you are a good cook) and bring it to him. It sounds simple, but if you bring him cookies and he will realize he has a good friend and is thinking about him. Maybe you can also make him a homemade card - include pictures of him and you and events that maybe have happen (funny events). Make him smile and to comfort him is the goal - and you just being there will comfort him, and the card and maybe a dessert may make him smile. Just let him know you are there for him - and he'll remember you being the one who stayed with him through a rough time period in his life.


Best wishes,
Chris

[Audacious]

Hey there.

Chris is right, maybe something homemade would be more meaningful than something you buy. During times when families are grieving, it's hard to cook or eat or do anything you're supposed to do. I remember getting a fruit basket when my parent died, and that was more helpful than any bunch of flowers...especially since the fruit was all dipped in chocolate !
Maybe something baked or even a caserole or something would be helpful.
Bottom line is that as long as it's from your heart, I'm sure he's going to appreciate it.

You might even want to just let him know that you are there for him, and that he can call you or talk to you whenever he needs...then FOLLOW UP with that offer. The worst thing somebody can do is offer help, and then when the person calls needing help, you say "I don't have time, but I'll call you later." Ask him what he needs or what he wants and let him know that you are going to do what you can to help him with this.

Good luck !

[Iris. ♥]

The above posters are definitely right. Things from the heart mean the most to people, especially when something traumatic has happened. Just think about what would mean a lot to your friend and run with that. Even being there for him to lean on would be a HUGE thing. I know, it seems simple. But, I'm sure he could really use someone like that right now. When my dad had a stroke, my best friend and her mom picked me up once a week and took me out to do something fun, just to remind me how to have fun again. It was so sweet and it meant a lot to me. Just dig deep. You'll figure something out.

[Soliloquy]

Hi there,

First off, it's incredibly thoughtful and sweet of you to want to do something for your friend and his family. They are going through a very difficult time, and I'm sure your kind words and thoughts mean a lot to them right now.

The other posters had some fantastic ideas! I especially like the idea about bringing them some food to eat. I know that at the moment, my sister's friend's mom is undergoing treatment for cancer and my mom has been bringing her dinners to help out. Grief can really take a toll on people, and they may find it difficult to get up and engage in everyday activities like cooking. I'm sure that would really help!

Maybe you also want to add a personal touch to send along with your dinner if you choose to go that route. What are you good at? Are you artistic? Do you draw? Write? Take photographs? I like to write, so often when something significant happens and I want to show my support for someone, I'll send a piece of my writing in addition to everything else I may send, that I feel captures the emotional strain of the time and also encourages hopefulness. Something like this adds that personal touch and lets your friend know that you're thinking of him and are there to support him.

If you don't feel you're particularly artistic, never fear! You can still do something very sweet and thoughtful for him. Maybe you could take a nice picture of his dad, one that he likes or that means a lot to him, and frame it for him. But knowing your friend is important too. If you think getting a picture of his dad would hurt him too much right now, consider your other options. There are plenty out there!

Both Jennifer and Sammi are quite right: Just being there for your friend through this very difficult time will go a long way. Make it known that you're there if he needs to talk and serve as a shoulder to cry on if he needs it. Sometimes, it's simply helpful to know that someone else is there and cares about you after an event like this. However, I also want you to take care of yourself through this. Find someone whom you can talk to about how this is affecting you, as I know it is absolutely heart-wrenching to see someone so dear to you suffering like this.

I hope this helps! I am very sorry that you have to go through this; loss is difficult for everyone involved. Take care now and good luck!