still cry myself to sleep.

[BrokenCountry]

it's been 5 years since i lost her and almost 5 years since i lost him.
my aunt died of cancer December 26th 3006.
she was the first person close to me that ever died. she had beat cancer 3 times before it took her life. we all thought she would beat it this time also but once the doctors told us that it had spread throughout her entire body we knew it was only a matter of time. she had said to my father the week before Christmas that she would either die that night or she would make it through 1 last Christmas. Christmas eve she was rushed to the hospital and given only hours to live. She made it until 9:20am on December 26th. i didn't know what to do when i lost her. i was a complete mess.
Tony died unexpectedly July 18th 2007.
Tony was a very close family friend who was pretty much another father to me.
he had been at our house the day before telling us he was going up to his trailer for the weekend and he would see us in a couple of days. ironicly he was talking to my father that day about his will and that he really needed to finish it and hide it. in the middle of the night we got a call saying he had died at the trailer and they didn't know why. i got woken up the next morning and told that he had died. i just collapsed into my fathers arms because i didn't know how to deal with that. after my aunt i never thought id have to go through that again and less then a year later i had to go through it all over again.
most nights i just lay in bed thinking about them and cry myself to sleep. a few times a month i still feel like i hear Tony outside my house in his backyard listening to his music on his laptop those nights, i don't sleep at all, i just cry.
i want to maybe know a way i can deal with this.
i need sleep. it's been way to many years.

[Chris.]

Unfortunately I wish I could tell you that you will never have to go through that again - but you will. Thats the life process and it sucks. We don't want to see those we love die, but we all cant live forever and sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we all move on and pass away at some point - unfortunately these people in your life passed away way to young.

'It's natural for loss to cause people to think about death to some degree. But if a loss has caused you to lose sleep or any other health related harm, it's important that you tell someone right away. Counseling with a professional therapist can help because it allows you to talk about your loss and express strong feelings. Many counselors specialize in working with teens who are struggling with loss and depression. If you'd like to talk to a therapist and you're not sure where to begin, ask an adult or school counselor. Your doctor may also be able to recommend someone.

Will I ever get over this?
Well-meaning friends and family might tell a grieving person they need to "move on" after a loss. Unfortunately, that type of advice can sometimes make people hesitant to talk about their loss or make them think they're grieving inappropriately or for too long, or that they're not normal. It can help to remember that the grieving process is very personal and individual — there's no right or wrong way to grieve. We all take our own time to heal.

It's important for grieving people not to drop out of life, though. If you don't like the idea of moving on, maybe the idea of "keeping on" seems like a better fit. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself to just keep on doing the best you can for now. If you feel sad, let yourself have your feelings and try not to run away from your emotions. But also keep on doing things you normally would such as being with friends, caring for your pet, working out, or doing your schoolwork.
Going forward and healing from grief doesn't mean forgetting about the person you lost. Getting back to enjoying your life doesn't mean you no longer miss your loved one. And how long it takes until you start to feel better isn't a measure of how much you loved the person.

With time, the loving support of family and friends, and your own positive actions, you can find ways to cope with even the deepest loss' (Written by a doctor for KidsHealth).


Ultimately - we will always remember and grieve over those we have lost - but we all have to find separate ways to cope and move on from the pain.



Best wishes,
Chris