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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Chemo9222 Offline
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Death Of Family & Friends - March 29th 2009, 01:46 PM

Hi I need help! I am losing myself & I dont know what to do?
It all started 5 years ago when I was nine.
I was coming back from school & noticed a black car infront of my house no one told me she died I had to work out that my mum died.
I have tryed to kill myself many time because I cant live without my mum because I never said goodbye & I think that she wont be proud of me.
I dont talk about it much because it hurts so much I cant go to the grave.
I blame my self that she died & I would die just to bring her back.
My dad wont allow me to go out on my own or take tablets just because he is worried that I would kill myself. My dad does not care about me if he did he would stop drinking for me. All he is doing is leading off where my mum did. Well he has been told that he has only got a few years left to live.
All that has happend in my life is death & I hate it because everyone who I love dies that is why it is so hard for me to let people in my life & trust them. I just wish that death would leave them alone & take me.
I have lost 6 family members & 2 friends in 5 years.
HELP PLEASE!!!!
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Chemo9222
xxxx
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
noise94 Offline
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Re: Death Of Family & Friends - March 29th 2009, 04:29 PM

Hey there. :]

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through all this. The death of a loved one is never easy, and it's harder when you've lost as many people as you have.

But just think about those people. Do you think they'd want you to have the same fate as them? You need to live for them now! Live the lives they can't live anymore. Be strong and show the world what you're made of!

I think your dad does care. He does. He's trying to prevent situations in which you may be tempted to hurt yourself, and that shows he's worried about you.
Parents make mistakes. He may not be perfect but I know he loves you.

Just hang in there and things will get better. I can promise you that.
   
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*Jen* Offline
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Re: Death Of Family & Friends - March 30th 2009, 03:07 PM

Hey,
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It can be so difficult to lose someone so close especially your mum. I have lost my mum too so I can relate some what to how you feel. Sometimes I just want to die as well so I can be with my mum. But I think about what my mum would have wanted for me. Your mum would want you to be happy and enjoy life as much as you can. She wouldn't want you to give up for her. I know it is sooo difficult, but honestly things will get easier in time. You could try writing a letter to your mum saying what you would have liked to say since you didn't get to say goodbye to her. Just because you can't be with your mum right now she is still watching over you and loves you very much. When the time is right maybe you will be together.

Have you spoken to your dad about how you are feeling? Perhaps you could also mention the drinking. It can be extremely difficult to stop drinking and it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you and that is why he continues to drink. He does care but everyone expresses their emotions in different ways, which sometimes can make it seem like people don't care.

I am here if you ever want to talk so you are more than welcome to PM me. Stay strong :-)
   
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Re: Death Of Family & Friends - April 1st 2009, 09:49 PM

Hey there.

I keep returning to this thread, hoping the right words will hit me. I want to offer you something, but I know that nothing I say can make this any easier, on you.

I am so, so sorry about your mum. I don't know where I'd be, today, without my mother, and so I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. I look back the the loved ones I've lost, and I think to myself "Why did you have to go?" It took me a long time to realize it was okay, to think that. That it is okay to feel hurt, to feel cheated out of a lifetime with someone you love. It is okay to feel lost.

One of my favorite sayings is "It's never too late." I really think that is true, in so many ways. It will be hard, I won't lie, but you can say goodbye to your mum. You can make peace with this loss, while cherishing her memory and keeping a piece of her alive, in you. You are of her, and so she can always live on in your heart and mind.

I do believe your dad cares about you. Alcoholism is a disease--one my own father has--and I used to blame him. But it didn't make me feel better, to do that. One thing I always, without fail, try to remember is that he wants to do right, by me and everyone he loves. But he is sick and I can neither blame him or help him. He's going to have to help himself and I pray he one day does, but until then I love him with all of my heart, anyways.

Please don't ever hesitate to contact me if you need to talk. I'm always around.



Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
   
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Re: Death Of Family & Friends - April 3rd 2009, 12:14 PM

Thank you all for writing to me
i have spoke to my dad but he still drinks
i dont know what to do please keep writing into me
   
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*Jen* Offline
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Re: Death Of Family & Friends - April 4th 2009, 06:45 PM

Hey,
Maybe you should speak to someone about your dads drinking? If you speaking to him hasn't worked then I think you need to tell someone else. I am here for you if you want to talk :-)
   
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Re: Death Of Family & Friends - April 4th 2009, 08:13 PM

Hey,

I can't even express how sorry I am that you have lost so many loved ones in such a short period of time. I know what it feels like to not be able to say good bye to a parent before they pass on. The emptiness and intense feeling of being completely lost is hard to overcome. You just have to remind yourself that your mother knew you loved her and would give the world to be with her. I am sure she would be proud of you because you are her daughter. You can only do your very best and just hanging on in such difficult circumstances proves that you have an impressive amount of strength. I am so proud of you for hanging on even though things are hard right now. Life will get better and as time goes on the hurt lessens. It is okay to grieve, it is healthy to grieve so let yourself grieve. Your mother would want you to be happy so don't stop living just because she can't be there with you. I'm sure your dad cares about you. He is just having just as hard of a time coping as you are. Just make sure he never forgets how much you care about him and how you want to see him get better. Addiction is a hard thing to overcome and if he doesn't get better it isn't because he doesn't care. If you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to PM me. I am never to busy to listen. Hang in there and stay strong.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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