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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bjm_caa Offline
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Name: Bonnie
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Unhappy I wish it would get easier - April 3rd 2009, 04:44 AM

It's almost been 3 years since my brother committed suicide. It hasn't gotten any easier. I'm going on with my life, but I still miss him, and nobody understands what i'm going through. Everyone feels sorry for my parents because they lost a child, but what about me? I lost my big brother who I looked up to!! I was the one who found his body lying on the floor with my dad's shotgun on his bed, and blood all over the wall, but nobody seems to care about how I feel. My mom has even made the comment that she has things worse than me because she carried him in her stomach for 9 months, but I had a special relationship with him that she didn't. I miss him so much, and wish he could come back.
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MadPoet Offline
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Re: I wish it would get easier - April 3rd 2009, 11:18 AM

Hey Bonnie.
Losing someone is hard, especially since you had such a close relationship with your brother. I know that a lot of times it's hard to think that anyone could really get how you are feeling and understand. It's not fair that people play the "I have it worse than you" game when someone passes away, because it's not true. Every relationship is different in so many ways, and the pain when you lose that person in your life is different than anyone else's pain, but it's still equal. I think what you need to do is try not to worry about what your mom says, or who's going through more pain than the other. Simply try and work on overcoming the pain that you do feel. It's not easy, and it takes a long time to deal with, but I promise that it will get better. Try and remember the good times that you had with your brother. I found that it helped not to dwell on the time I could have had, but the time that I did had with the person who passed away. Your brother is still in your heart, and he has never completely left your life. He's still there, in so many ways. You're sure to get through this, Bonnie It might be hard, but it will become easier. Just give it some time, even when it seems like you can't give it anymore time than you already have. Things will improve.

Take care of yourself. x





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Re: I wish it would get easier - April 4th 2009, 09:23 AM

Bonnie..

i know you're going through a lot, but there're a few things you have to know..

firstly, your brother NEVER truly left . those who care for you, and love you, truly madly deeply, NEVER truly leave our heart. The meories of being with him happily and all those moments, will last eternally . This bond will be impossible to break, because it is something so special, nothing, not even death can take away

and you know, he is probably looking both from a special place high up above, and from your heart, blessing your every move So he has never left, actually.

and you know, your brother LOVES you deeply, and you know it

remember we're always your friends, always ready to listen


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: I wish it would get easier - April 4th 2009, 09:58 AM

Hey Bonnie!
Darrenboy is right. You're brother never left you. He's still in that very special place in your heart.
You did have an amazing bond with your brother, and it is unique. It is unfair that people don't think that he wasn't as important to you as he was to them. But think about it.
Losing a child for mother (and father) is very disheartening. And especially if it's suicide, they feel responsible for it. They feel they did not do their job...
Both you and your parents had a special bond with your brother. It is different and you can't compare who had the strongest bond.
If it helps you could try to comfort your parents when they feel bad. In turn they will slowly start understanding how you felt about your brother.
Talk to them. I'm sure things will get better.
And another reminder, your brother never left you. Look into your heart and there he will be, waiting for you! I promise!
I do hope I helped, even a bit!!
Take care
Hugs
Natalie


~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

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As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."




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Re: I wish it would get easier - April 5th 2009, 07:09 PM

losing someone is so hard trust me i no i just lost my friend to suicide and it is so hard to get through to people that your hurting and need advice, but keep telling people your story and eventually someone will listen you should try talking to a counselor it really helps i cant explain why but it does
   
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soul Offline
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Re: I wish it would get easier - April 6th 2009, 12:54 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry for you loss. I hurts to lose anyone and you really can't compare two peoples grief. It hurts to lose a brother, a son, a friend, or anyone close. Your mother is most likely just upset so she is lashing out at the closest target. When people are under a lot of stress they don't say the smartest things and they certainly don't mean those things. Everyones grief is different so it is impossible to compare how much you miss your brother verses how much she misses him. The fact of the matter is your both hurting and thats the important thing. Losing someone to suicide is never easy. I lost my dad to suicide a few years ago too. So far it hasn't gotten much easier for me but that doesn't mean it never will. I want to remind you that what happened is in no way your fault. Your bother choose this for himself and he obviously wasn't thinking straight. He is still with you always in memory and spirit. Keep that spirit alive by living out your life to the fullest. He wouldn't want his death to hold you back from achieving everything you want. You can be happy again. The hurt never goes away but it does dull with time, acceptance, and support. We are here to support you through this. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me anytime. Since I lost someone under similar circumstances I know how it feels. I am never to busy to listen and I'll try to help you as best I can. Hang in there and don't give up hope. Take care.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Last edited by soul; April 7th 2009 at 07:36 PM.
   
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