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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Redeemer Offline
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It's ruining everything. - April 8th 2009, 03:16 AM

This is more like harrassment than bullying, but I guess they're pretty similar in some ways. There's a background story, just bear with me guys.

I used to live with a girl who was my best friend. She helped me through hard times and looked after me when I was sick. I'll call her "M". M and I were close for around 2 years, so we moved in together. She got a boyfriend, I'll call him "C". He was nice, we got along pretty well, but after a while be began being quite inappropriate towards me. He would smack my bum every now and then or comment on the size of my breasts. It was really embarrassing.
When I broke up with my boyfriend at that time, I stayed with C because my ex was being an ass (we lived in the same student accommodation), plus M was there too. The first night I slept at C's, I woke up to find one of his hands down my pants and the other fondling my breast. He didn't know I was awake, and I felt too sick to move so I rolled over and pretended I was still sleeping. The next morning he locked me in his room while M went to an exam and tried to make me have sex with him. He wouldn't stop until I cried.

So time passed, I didn't tell M because I was ashamed. C said I was more attractive than her, and I couldn't look M in the face. I ended up blurting it out about a month later, and she accepted it. Turned out he'd also cheated on her with 2 other girls. I never went to the police because I've been through this sort of thing before, and it took over a year before he got put into jail and I'm at Uni - I don't have time for that plus the emotional draining.

So I moved out last November. I met another girl a couple of months ago and she told me she was moving in there, so I warned her about M's boyfriend, my words being "he can't keep his hands to himself". Ever since, I've been getting texts from M saying there are people after me wanting to hurt me and general insults. She said I was "spreading shit about C", so I reminded her I was warning with the truth as she well knew, but she's suddenly went into denial about it. She thinks nothing happened.
I went to the police, and they were quick to give her a verbal warning, and now she's started it again only a few weeks later, but this time she has someone else against me. I'll call him JP.

JP and I used to be friends, but we fell out because he was really rude and forgot his place as guest in my flat, plus he was really controlling about how I and the rest of my flatmates lived. Nobody else liked him, just me, until that day.
JP and M are close friends, and now both are sending me texts containing cruel insults regarding snippets of my life that only JP knew. He's even trying to turn my boyfriend against me, and I'm scared it's working. It sounds like M could be all talk, but she attacked one of my ex's with a katana she bought off eBay, and it got her into serious trouble with the police. She's quite unstable.

The rest of my friends are ready to help me, but I feel that they won't be able to. I have more friends than both M and JP put together, but they're causing so much trouble and I don't know what to do. It's all so dramatic, I'm tired of the whole thing.

I really hate to say this as I'm quite a proud person, but I need help. I've started hurting myself again and I don't know what to do. Please, somebody, tell me what to do.


You can't hold it too tight
These matters of security
You don't have to be wound so tight
Smoking on the balcony
But it's that sleaze in a park
You women you have no self-control,
The angels remark outside
You were known for insatiable means
I don't know a thing

Last edited by Redeemer; April 8th 2009 at 04:03 AM. Reason: Addition
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's ruining everything. - April 8th 2009, 04:45 AM

First, I want to say that they're not close, they are the same thing. Secondly, I'm going to break your post into parts, and use it from there, it's easier for me, and easier for you.

M and you, in the beginning, seemed like you were really, really close. Did any red flags go up when he was being inappropriate to you? Touchy feely things like that usually are signs that more is bound to come. Just remember that nothing of this is your fault, no matter how many people make it seem such.

By you not telling M, I'd imagine there were plenty of things going through your mind along the lines of losing M, and nothing short of punching C right where it counts and more.

M is in denial for one reason or another. Perhaps they could be for the fact of she doesn't want to believe she's in love with an abuser? Telling you something, though..She'll find out the hard way. Perhaps you could try to talk to her about it for now? Try to reason and warn her? If It doesn't go well, then, really, you've done everything you can.

The problem with people is that they're impressionable by what it is they hear too much. They believe everything and anything they've ever heard about someone else, whether it's true or not, and that disgusts me to no end.

For now, though..perhaps I should leave this with some advice:

Talk to M. Knock some sense into her. If she doesn't listen, you've done all you can do. The rest will fall into place.

Best of luck.

-Casper.



||I knew when I looked in his eyes ||
||That he was gonna be
trouble for me ||


PM||VM

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's ruining everything. - April 8th 2009, 04:59 AM

I did get annoyed at the touchy-feely side of C, but I didn't think for a moment he'd want to do anything more to me. He sometimes said that he couldn't stop looking at my chest because of the top I was wearing, or wanted to touch my bum because I was wearing a skirt. I guess I should have seen something coming. God... I'm a complete tool.

As with M... I know what she'll do if I try to talk to her. Make a scene. I've seen it before, and besides - she said the next time she sees me I'm "in serious trouble". It's not her I'm scared of - she knows people I knew, and apparently they're after me at her request. M herself is a wimp by herself, without a weapon I mean. She's quite large and slow, so I'm not worried about that, and I'm sure she won't take her katana outside.
So the only thing she'll do is make a scene, but the thing is, she's always with the people that can do harm. And I'm quite small myself, I couldn't defend myself if I tried. She's in denial about everything that happened, and C just has to cry to get on her good side again, I've seen that too. Ah, it's all so complicated.


You can't hold it too tight
These matters of security
You don't have to be wound so tight
Smoking on the balcony
But it's that sleaze in a park
You women you have no self-control,
The angels remark outside
You were known for insatiable means
I don't know a thing
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Re: It's ruining everything. - April 9th 2009, 09:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redeemer View Post
I used to live with a girl who was my best friend. She helped me through hard times and looked after me when I was sick. I'll call her "M". M and I were close for around 2 years, so we moved in together. She got a boyfriend, I'll call him "C". He was nice, we got along pretty well, but after a while be began being quite inappropriate towards me. He would smack my bum every now and then or comment on the size of my breasts. It was really embarrassing.
When I broke up with my boyfriend at that time, I stayed with C because my ex was being an ass (we lived in the same student accommodation), plus M was there too. The first night I slept at C's, I woke up to find one of his hands down my pants and the other fondling my breast. He didn't know I was awake, and I felt too sick to move so I rolled over and pretended I was still sleeping. The next morning he locked me in his room while M went to an exam and tried to make me have sex with him. He wouldn't stop until I cried.

So time passed, I didn't tell M because I was ashamed. C said I was more attractive than her, and I couldn't look M in the face. I ended up blurting it out about a month later, and she accepted it. Turned out he'd also cheated on her with 2 other girls. I never went to the police because I've been through this sort of thing before, and it took over a year before he got put into jail and I'm at Uni - I don't have time for that plus the emotional draining.

So I moved out last November. I met another girl a couple of months ago and she told me she was moving in there, so I warned her about M's boyfriend, my words being "he can't keep his hands to himself". Ever since, I've been getting texts from M saying there are people after me wanting to hurt me and general insults. She said I was "spreading shit about C", so I reminded her I was warning with the truth as she well knew, but she's suddenly went into denial about it. She thinks nothing happened.
I went to the police, and they were quick to give her a verbal warning, and now she's started it again only a few weeks later, but this time she has someone else against me. I'll call him JP.

JP and I used to be friends, but we fell out because he was really rude and forgot his place as guest in my flat, plus he was really controlling about how I and the rest of my flatmates lived. Nobody else liked him, just me, until that day.
JP and M are close friends, and now both are sending me texts containing cruel insults regarding snippets of my life that only JP knew. He's even trying to turn my boyfriend against me, and I'm scared it's working. It sounds like M could be all talk, but she attacked one of my ex's with a katana she bought off eBay, and it got her into serious trouble with the police. She's quite unstable.

The rest of my friends are ready to help me, but I feel that they won't be able to. I have more friends than both M and JP put together, but they're causing so much trouble and I don't know what to do. It's all so dramatic, I'm tired of the whole thing.
Quote:
I've been getting texts from M saying there are people after me wanting to hurt me and general insults
Are you getting people after you or is M?

As for the insults, they're silly text messages, nothing more. Either block their number, ignore the texts or keep a nice detailed record and bring them to the police for harrassment charges. Hopefully you haven't responded to the texts with harsh responses. If you have, then bringing them to the police can be more of a toss-up as to where it will go.

As for the denial by M, it could easily be that she liked C. I see no other reason for her denying that. So, when you say she accepted when you told her that C sexually assaulted you, it may have been acceptance and later she denied it for whatever reasons I'm not going to list out, or she didn't fully accept them. You cannot know for sure, you can know what she displays but unless you interrogate her, even then, you may not know for certain.

This seems to be more or less a plan, or rather a method in progress, of destroying you. It could be related to what you posted here or it could be something completely different. As great at profiling as I am and as great and experienced as I am with manipulating and crushing others, knowing so little about you and the surrounding events from your view only makes it hard to figure out other possible motives for them.

I am not sure as to what their intentions would be exactly, however, the more you resist doing something, the more it will continue. Do not try to manipulate them, or at least not M. If they haven't physically attacked you yet but have to ones around you, my assumption is they (M mostly and possibly but to a lesser degree, C) want you to experience the damage you caused them on their relationship. If you haven't already, warn your boyfriend and tell him what's going on.

It's late, I'm tired but if you want more insight or possibly more profiling, PM me, although the more information, the better it can get.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Redeemer Offline
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Re: It's ruining everything. - April 14th 2009, 01:15 AM

C was, and has been for ages, M's boyfriend. And M is sending people after me, correct.
But it doesn't matter anymore, because I'm tired.


You can't hold it too tight
These matters of security
You don't have to be wound so tight
Smoking on the balcony
But it's that sleaze in a park
You women you have no self-control,
The angels remark outside
You were known for insatiable means
I don't know a thing
  Send a message via MSN to Redeemer  
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