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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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punkinpie Offline
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Name: arden.
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Red face i need a little help. - December 7th 2012, 11:36 PM

i'm looking for some advice, so sorry if this isn't the place i should be making this thread! hehe. but it all intertwines with bullying and stuff, so hopefully it's okay.

anyway, i'm going to open up a bit! when i was about five-years-old, my few-months-old sister and i were taken care of by this babysitter while my parents went off to work. i remember the babysitter had a son and a husband, but he worked so he wasn't around very often. i was only told a few years ago that that babysitter bottle-fed my infant sister beer, but i have no clue how she acted with my sister. she certainly wasn't all that pleasant with me. always making sure i felt unwelcomed and that i was just a pain in the ass to have around. but on top of the mother herself putting me down, i took beatings, insults and was sexually abused more times than not by the son, austin. well, i'm not sure if it would be considered sexual abuse since he was only a few years older than myself? i'm not sure. my counselor at school said it was, so i'll just go with that.
i'll admit, the beatings weren't too bad, and i always tried to play it off like i enjoyed them, so i probably just made it seem like i wanted them. and i wanted to seem tough because i wanted him to be my friend! i was a little kid, so despite the fact that he was a total douchebag, i still wanted someone to play with, haha. but most times, he had two other friends over - a girl, and a short boy, but he was about austin's age. oh, and they were all around 10-12 years old, if i remember correctly. so, they'd all gang up on me on everything: the insults, beatings, touching, etcetc. but one time i specifically remember vividly was when they almost drowned me; they were in one of those big pools that you can just buy at walmart or something and put water in it, and i wanted to get in with them, but they never really enjoyed my company (obviously). so once i got in, they started splashing me to the point i had to close my eyes just so water wouldn't get in them. but then i turned around to wipe my face, and austin came up behind me and dunked me under the water. he held me under for a good while and i fought him to let me up, trying to punch at his stomach and claw at his hands/arms. but then his friends came over and were helping him. and by then i was just freaking the fuck out, and you know how they say if you freak out under water, you lose more air, ha ha haaaa, well it's true. and i couldn't (and still can't to this day) open my eyes under water, so it was pitch black while i fought for these kids to let me up for air. but then they let go and bolted out of the pool, and when i came up, already beginning to cry, i saw the mother/babysitter standing in the door way giggling and shit, and then closed the door after they all got inside.

PHEW, wow, okay, i didn't mean to put so much, sorry. but that was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. i've been bullied throughout my whole life, but it has never been as bad as the shit that went on in my childhood. it's bizarre, in my opinion.

so, i'll be eighteen this coming up monday, and these things have haunted me forever, and i believe they have a huge part in the reason why i act the way i do today, why i'm scared of the things i'm scared of, why i self-harm, why i'm just ME. and it tears me apart that the worst thing in my life has shaped a huge part of me. but anyway, i would love to tell my mom and dad about this stuff (they don't know anything about this stuff - they only know about the babysitter feeding my sister beer), before i continue with my life as a registered adult. but i have absolutely no idea how to bring it up. even when i'm talking regularly to close friends, who i trust with my life, and i start talking about this stuff, i start trembling and get red in the face, and sweating haha, it's not pretty! and i feel like if i tried to tell my parents, i'd cry and ugh, i just have no idea.

has anyone been in this situation? and if so, do you have any tips on how i could even begin to bring it up? my dad's a kind of awkward and sarcastic dude, so i'm scared he's just going to try to play it off as a joke or something. i think my mom would be better to work with, considering she and i have gotten a more friend-like bond going on, and we only ever talk over the phone.

so yeah, thanks so much for taking the time to read - i hope i can get some help!
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Re: i need a little help. - December 8th 2012, 08:54 PM

I know where youre coming from. Your experience with almost being drowned resonated with me, because a couple of years ago my brother pinned me to the wall and started suffocating me, all the while yelling at me and punching me in the face.

On a nightly basis, they'd throw lamps or soccer balls (etc) at me at 3 am in the morning so I'd wake up. Also, they would stack matresses on me and/or flip my matresses while I was sleeping. Thus, I started sleeping poorly and less frequently because I didn't want 50 matresses stacked on me -.-

And I've been bullied a lot in elementary and middle school - when my stepbrother spread rumors about me or pushed me down into a stream, and I didn't even try to make friends in high school.

Now for my advice. The only thing I'd suggest is to stop self-harming and don't get into any relationships (especially romantic ones) until you give yourself some time away from these kind of people and just start catching a breath. You'll only make yourself more miserable if you jump the gun into an unhealthy relationship. Right now I don't really have any good friends, but it's cool because nowadays I feel better than I ever have. I did develop depression, OCD, and hypogonadism, but I guess the main thing that straightened everything out for me was medication, excercise and music. Don't self-harm!

I don't really trust anybody, but at least I feel safer and more content. I truly don't see the need for friends, but if you want to go for good friends, first try to feel better about yourself and know that these things are not your fault.

Last edited by Talinn; December 8th 2012 at 09:17 PM.
   
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punkinpie Offline
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Re: i need a little help. - December 8th 2012, 09:26 PM

it's funny that you tell me not to be with anyone until i'm away and feel better with myself, 'cause i was just talking to someone the other day about how it'd be better if i did get with someone. not romantically, but just to have that company. i've managed to isolate myself fairly well, especially since i've dropped out of high school and don't do much outside of my bedroom, except occasional GED prep classes. but when i was in school the past few years, i wasn't bullied or anything and i was able to make lots of good friends. i have a few really close, loyal friends right now, and they help a lot. so i guess not getting into relationships only works for some people. i want to be social, and i am social, i just don't know how to be social among my peers.

but that sucks you had to deal with your own brother doing shit to you. i'm sorry. did you ever tell your parents or some adult about your brother?

and as for the self-harm, it's the only thing i got, aside from hanging out with people away from my house. i don't plan to always self-harm - i don't even do it that often - but i until i have an alternative that actually WORKS, i'm going to self-harm.

thanks for the advice, though!
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Re: i need a little help. - December 9th 2012, 02:51 AM

Hmm ya, I should've considered that I'm waay more introverted than most people. A half-an hour of talking is exhausting - I could be alone for weeks before I would need to talk to someone.

When my parents tried to 'parent' my brother, he destroyed the door to get his computer back (he'd been playing it for almost 16 hours a day). So they laid back because they were afraid of more violence, I tink.

For me, I always found school more supportive than friends. That probably sounds crazy! But I've typically done really well in school and knew my teachers better than anyone else in the school. I've stayed at high school until 8 pm or so plenty of times, just because I've felt better there than at home. But I just turned 18 and I'm now a sophmore in College (studying biochemistry for pharmacy major) - now it costs money ._.

Whatever works, I suppose =P
   
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