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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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why is it so hard to prove? Or am I exaggerating? - May 31st 2013, 06:28 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey guys,
I'm not sure if this goes here or in another thread, so feel free to move it
So recently, I've been having memories of past experiences come back and I pretty much have all these emotions I've stuffed in the closet for a long time. It's also making things that seem small and petty to others, something I find triggering. It's also part of the reason I feel depressed.

One thing that just happened a few minutes ago made me feel really upset. I'm not sure if this counts as bullying or not, but it makes me feel so bad inside I even left the room. But that doesn't mean I could ignore it, even if I try.

This is just one incident in particular:

Dad finishes shopping and calls to ask someone to help him carry the bags upstairs.
My sister L is the one talking to him on the phone, asks me to go downstairs and I agree.
I come back and we're putting unloading, putting food in fridge etc
Sister L tells me to put the yogurt on the table. I tell her we don't need to open a new one because we have one already opened. She says no, that one is spoiled.
I told her I didn't know that, and I ate from it. She said really? ewwww, you ate from it?

The thing is, just two days ago I was eating the same yogurt and suspected it tasted a little off and I said I think it's spoiled. But then sister L and dad said things that made me feel guilty and they know I don't like wasting food. They also said that they ate from it and it was fine. Also sister L was saying "you always do that. It's fresh and you think it's rotten. Maybe there's something wrong with your taste buds" Sister KT and KI were agreeing with her. Feeling ashamed I just ate it anyway and didn't follow my instincts. Also the yogurt was put into a bowl and the container it came with stayed in the fridge, so it didn't occur to me to check the expiration date for some reason

So she figured out it was rotten between two days ago and now and she didn't get rid of it? That goes for the whole family really, if anyone knew they shouldn't let others eat from it. But she left it in the fridge and didn't tell anyone.

Now she tells me ewww, and she also denies what happened two days ago when she said she ate from it as well and told me to quit being picky and wasting food.

I don't say anything more on that topic.
A few minutes later she says something about her teacher being in a good mood for once. As she tells the story she says something along the lines of "stupid freshman"
I don't know, maybe I'm sensitive? I told her, it's not nice to call people stupid, especially because she doesn't even know these freshman. All she knows is that there are a group of freshman that her teacher (the one who was in a good mood today) teaches and it's likely told her class about them. she says but that's the truth. They really are stupid. I didn't say anything after that.

After that, a little while later, we continue setting the table. We give small talk here and there. Then she yells loud enough for dad to hear, who is in the kitchen. She says, "Daddy, Susan is bullying me". Sister KI is on her laptop and laughing about that and says to sister L that she's hilarious. L is encouraged to say more and says "Susan is bothering me!" Both burst out laughing. I say, but that's not even true. L says, I know, that's why it's funny. He believes me, and I'm the one lying.
She says this so that my dad doesn't hear, but I could. The last thing I said was that, it's not fair, I'm being blamed for something I didn't do. She says it's freedom of speech, she can say anything she wants as loud as she wants to.


This time, dad didn't punish me. But I thought about all the times he did. I'm sick of this. I've spoken to my dad about feeling picked on and he won't believe me. He thinks I like to cause trouble, or he tells me to stop fighting.

This morning I've been writing down all the memories that are catching up with me in a journal. I SH for a while because of this. I needed someone to tell me my pain is real, and I'm not making it up.

I have so many incidents similar to this. On one hand I'm aware of my feelings but on the other hand I keep doubting myself. I tell myself, if no one believes me, maybe I'm the one to blame. All 3 sisters and my dad has done similar things, each in their own way but often perpetuating each others'.


It's hard to address now, because it's been happening over years, coupled with school bullying. The difference between school bullying and this, is that the school bullying was clearly bullying most of the time. Here, it's so hard to prove. The evidence can be interpreted in different ways. I feel damaged by both but I feel like I could heal from the school bullying. But this one is so strange. I could feel it happening, I sense it but from an outsider it looks like a normal conflict. I don't know. I'm stuck here. I do believe it's more than healthy conflict. It's been happening for a while and meh can't explain. I could provide more examples, taken from my journal if that makes more sense.
What do you think?

edit: Just a few clarifications:
I'm 19, my sisters are ages 15, 17 and 24. Sister L is 17 almost 18, so she's pretty close to my age.
I also got sick yesterday from something I ate, it's possible the yogurt. I don't know for sure, and no one knows about me being sick because I didn't tell anyone. But it hurt especially when she said eww because I got sick.

Last edited by Not_here; May 31st 2013 at 06:55 PM.
   
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Re: why is it so hard to prove? Or am I exaggerating? - June 1st 2013, 04:35 AM

That stinks. The only advice I can think to tell you is to just let it roll off you. When they attack, don't let it get to you. Let it go. Be the better person, sort-of-speak. Some people manipulate others for their own benefit. The world is screwed up. So don't absorb it.

I'm not sure if this is sibling rivalry or bullying. Perhaps both. I've been through incidences like yours with my sisters (not quite as extreme however) and it drives me mad, so I understand up to an extent.

But one day, you may just miss them. Don't say any harsh things to them that you'll regret. It may haunt you later. Make amends. Something is obviously up in your house...
I hope you all get on better terms with each other.
God bless.
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"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: why is it so hard to prove? Or am I exaggerating? - June 1st 2013, 05:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Collies R Us View Post
That stinks. The only advice I can think to tell you is to just let it roll off you. When they attack, don't let it get to you. Let it go. Be the better person, sort-of-speak. Some people manipulate others for their own benefit. The world is screwed up. So don't absorb it.

I'm not sure if this is sibling rivalry or bullying. Perhaps both. I've been through incidences like yours with my sisters (not quite as extreme however) and it drives me mad, so I understand up to an extent.

But one day, you may just miss them. Don't say any harsh things to them that you'll regret. It may haunt you later. Make amends. Something is obviously up in your house...
I hope you all get on better terms with each other.
God bless.
- Collies R Us
thank you for the reply. I try to let it roll off me, but I don't know I guess I'm not good at it. Today she brought up "rooster haircut". which is how she describes my hair. I try to laugh it off at first, but she's been going on and on for almost a year about it. The thing is, I cut my hair when I'm upset, and that's why it's uneven in the first place, so when she says it and everyone laughs with her it hurts because I'm trying to stop cutting my hair. Another thing is when is that my dad started calling me "flipflop" last summer, because he said I had mood swings. They said I have bipolar. Sometimes they call me insane, crazy and psychopath, though that has stopped recently(I'm still afraid it will start again though) What if I really do have some form of bipolar or another mood disorder? I'm afraid that I'll be even more mistreated by them if I find out. I'm currently working on activating my insurance card, so I can eventually see a therapist. For now I'll continue writing things down I guess.

Last edited by Not_here; June 1st 2013 at 06:17 PM.
   
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