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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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CrystalJade Offline
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Age: 26
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Location: Washington

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A Message to My Tormentors. - June 1st 2013, 07:54 AM

I can't put this on my facebook but I have to let it out so I'm putting it on here.

Do you remember me? Possibly we had a class together, maybe you sat near me, or maybe you just saw me during passing period. It doesn't matter because this is for you my abusers, my tormentors, the people that made me despise who I am. I want the truth to be known.

In sixth grade a particular group of girls, you know who you are, trapped me in the locker room and made fun of me because I was more developed than you were. Then when I tried to leave you tripped me and made fun of me more. This was the first step in a long line of things that made me hate myself and get on a destructive path. You are at just as much fault as anyone else.

All throughout middle school you, my bullies, made fun of me because of my weight and how much money my family had. Because of constantly being ridiculed because of my weight I started to skip meals in the seventh grade, I was 14 at the time. I just wanted to be liked and not be torn down.

Now on to high school. All throughout high school I was made fun of because of my weight, I was called names, people spread rumors that I was pregnant or slept around a lot, and they said my breasts were implants. I was 15. I started to self harm at this age because of all the things being thrown at me. This is when I started counting calories and limiting myself to 1000 calories a day. I would count every little thing from a slice of an apple to even a spoonful of ice cream. This took over my life. Then somewhere along the line I realized I hated myself just as much if not more than you did. I despised what I saw in the mirror, I saw nothing beautiful about it, there was nothing I liked, I wanted to die.

Tenth grade, I started to drink, do drugs, even tried to kill myself. All the while I was still self harming and not eating or I was engulfed in counting calories. I would skip school or come to school high and drunk. I would pop pills and I didn't care about anything. After all, I was a fat, ugly, nobody; even to myself. Eleventh grade came and I began to make myself throw up whenever I ate. I would even run 3 miles each morning and go all day without eating or just having my 1000 calories. My life was nothing but counting calories, making up excuses for why I wasn't eating, etc. I became very irritable and sickly looking but people started to cool it on calling me fat, the only one left saying that was myself.

Now senior year. You invited me to a party, there was drugs and alcohol. You got me drunk and roofied me then let one of your friends have their way with me. I had to deal with that now on top of everything else. Why did you do this? Only you know and one day you'll have to answer for it. This tore me down when I was beginning to feel some kind of self-esteem.

You will never know what it's like to hate yourself and not be able to stand what you see in the mirror, or to sit in the shower and cry because all you had was hate for who you were. You will never have to know what it feels like to have to force yourself to eat in order to stay okay or to force yourself to not go and throw it up. I will suffer with these urges for the rest of my fucking life and why? Because I grew to hate myself from your hatred.

Now maybe if you knew a little about me you would have been nicer. When I was five my brother and his friend started molesting me until I was seven. My sister caught my brother in the act and forced me to tell my mother. It has never been spoke of since, they don't even know I remember. My sister moved away to a different state when I was eight. My mother was verbally and mentally abusive and my brother was physically abusive until he moved out. You know my poor parents? Yeah, well they make just as much as your rich parents, the only difference is my brother sucked them dry. He was born with more birth defects than you can even think of and the treatments to keep him alive were very expensive. My mom would leave my dad every few months and force me to go with her. We would go live with her parents and each morning they would interrogate me and try to get me to say my dad sexually abused me, it wasn't true. My mother moved out when I was 16 and told everyone that I was a whore and my dad was abusive (not true). I had no contact with her for two years. Your actions didn't help with my past.

Words do hurt, you're words almost killed me and developed a lifelong problem for me. I still hate myself most of the time, I hardly ever feel beautiful, but every once in a while I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see a beautiful woman staring back at me. So fuck you for what you did to me. I hope it eats away at you for the rest of your life. So fuck you, I will never forgive you because the damage can't be taken back.

Oh, and to all the teachers and principals that let this happen; fuck you too, you're just as much at fault.
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Catharsis. Offline
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Re: A Message to My Tormentors. - June 1st 2013, 09:29 AM

Wow, well, first of all, I want to say that I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. That sounds horrible. But you told your story very well, and it's admirable in it's own right that you were able to share this with us. I can never bring myself to talk about the bullying I was subjected to in the past. You're clearly a very brave and strong person to have pulled through all this, and I really admire you.

Take care.
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