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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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S3nDyrella Offline
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Angry What can I do? - January 12th 2014, 03:12 AM

Hello everyone
My girlfriend lives in another city about 4 hours away we've been together for a year and 8 months now, I know all her friends and the people she hangs out with, shes 20. She does not drink or smoke or anything, in fact, she will get mad at me if I try to, saying that she strongly feels that these are bad habits. However, recently shes become really close with one of her friends, out of the blue. her friend parties hard, drinks, smokes, does drugs and all these things that my girlfriend would never agree to do. and just like that she started drinking and smoking occasionally ( you might think that theres no harm of it being occasional, but trust me when I say she is VERY much strongly against all that, like she gets into a fight with me if i ever mention doing this as if she would not ever do them herself in a million years)
One day, we were talking about this and she blurted out -well, theres a difference of you wanting to do these things because you actually want to and wanting to do them so you can blend in with your friends-
I dont know whether she realizes it or not, but its obvious that its all because of social pressure.
On an entirely different note, I do not think her new friend is a good, true friend. Like she would just hang out with my girlfriend for fun or when she needs something, but other than that, they do not have anything much in common. there have been a few situations where she had been rude to my girlfriend but my girlfriend does not realize it because apparently, she seems to believe that the girl is her new best friend. I tried hinting about that a few times, but she would get upset and assume that i'm just jealous.

She is coming to visit in a few days, is there anything i can tell her? is there a specific way to talk to her about it? especially the smoking and drinking and such, because I know for a fact she is doing it just because she wants to feel accepted among her friends.
   
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Re: What can I do? - January 12th 2014, 06:06 PM

To me, it looks like your girlfriend is acting like a normal 20 year old. Drinking is okay once in awhile. She might of tried it once and ended up liking it.

I suggest you two just sit down and talk, see what changed her mind. It could of been her friends, but it could be a part of her growing up too.

I don't smoke, but I do drink once in awhile with friends. There isn't anything wrong with that. Everyone does it once in awhile.

Just be honest to her, bring up that she was so against it and now she isn't, just ask her why, what changed; Don't cause a fight about it.

It's really the only thing you can do, don't hint around, just come out and be honest with her. Also knowing how a lot of girls are with there friends, I wouldn't go, telling them that she isn't really her friend, or anything. That's something she should figure out herself. You might think she isn't a good friend, but a lot of friends treat each other different than most friends would, all friendships are different.

I hope everything turns out okay.
Good luck
-Kayla
   
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Re: What can I do? - January 15th 2014, 05:14 AM

Your girlfriend sounds completely normal to me. Even when you're 20, you're still growing up and being open to new experiences. She may have broadened her horizons and decided to give something new a try, which she ended up liking. Unless she's becoming addicted to any of these things then I don't see the problem.

It's only normal that even someone who smokes wouldn't want their loved ones to do the same thing. She's probably concerned about you especially if you're not old enough to legally smoke. She may also be afraid that you'd become hooked and have a hard time quitting.

As to her friend, I don't see why her friend is so bad. Her friend sounds like any other person that age and unless your friend is being hurt, maybe what is rude to you really doesn't bother your girlfriend or the other girl. The only problem would be if the other girl is treating your girlfriend like a doormat and taking advantage of her but it doesn't sound like the case here, at least not from what you said.

If this is bothering you so much you could try talking to your girlfriend. Don't get irrationally upset and make sure you don't sound like you're accusing her. Try to keep the conversation a mature, calm one. You're trying to communicate, not to start a fight. You could tell her you feel the need to understand her own point of view because you're confused. Ask her about why she's so strongly against smoking and drinking but is doing that herself, if she's ok or if she's not feeling well, and make sure she knows that she can count on you. Try to understand her side and to explain yours calmly so that she can understand it as well.
   
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