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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ihea Offline
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Sibling Bullying? - March 16th 2014, 12:37 AM

My sister is 10 years old, and I'm 15. She's definitely the favorite one, because my parents let her do a lot more things and she gets away for most of the bad things she does and I get pinned for it. When I was younger I used to really love her but around the time she turned three was when she started becoming really bratty and my parents focused much more on her than me. And it would be understandable, considering she's the youngest, but it's never changed. I remember all the way back in fourth grade I used to cry myself to sleep for weeks because I felt so unloved, and the feeling has remained six years later.

I know a lot of 10 year olds get bratty, but my sister has surpassed that. There's too many things to even begin explaining, so I'll just try to cut to the chase. Basically, she has that inflated 10 year old ego where she thinks she's good at anything and everything, and if you try telling her she's not she flips around and starts tearing at you.

Sometimes my mom puts me in charge of her because she goes to bed or leaves the house or something. When I ask my sister nicely to do something, she won't listen to me. She'll straight out ignore me and if I keep asking she'll get very aggravated and say, "I know," or "You're not the boss of me." This has escalated most times, and it ends up with her literally screaming or throwing things at me. She'll go to her room or the bathroom and slam the door and won't let me in, and she'll yell at me if I try knocking and getting her to come out. Once I was in bed and I asked her to turn the light out because she was standing right next to it, and she proceeded to say, "Wow, am I your slave? You are SO lazy!" And for every second I stayed in bed, she got angrier and angrier and kept calling me names. When I ignored her, she came in my room and she said, "You hate me, don't you? You want me to die and you don't care about me." When I told her no and then stopped answering her, she came up my ladder, pushed my iPod out of my hands, got in my face and said, "Tell me you don't like me," and started crying when I wouldn't.

She often flips through two personas, this one and a more sweet one. She'll say, "You're the best sister ever! I love you!" but will literally be calling me names a few moments later. She will ask me to play with her and when I refuse she'll say the whole, "You hate me" thing again, and my parents will come and scold me for not giving her attention when in all reality I've avoided playing with her for years because in the end she always gets extremely angry at me and if I stop playing with her because I honestly can't play she'll start calling me names and run off to her room.

But this isn't the bullying part. This is just to show you she literally has two extreme sides to her that she goes through and it's kind of worrisome, especially because my parents don't see anything she's doing to me.

Over the past few months, she's taken this vanity to the extreme. She literally will not stop comparing herself to me. She'll do something and say, "I bet you can't do that," and when I say I can but I don't want to do it, she'll do this really obnoxious snobby laugh and start taunting me. And it makes me so angry, and I do it, and she says I don't do it right and she keeps laughing and sometimes I get so angry I can't think and I'll grab her and tell her forcefully that I can, and she'll run off crying and tell our mom that I hurt her and I'll get in trouble. She constantly baits me like this. My mom tells me to stop listening, but my sister gets worse and worse when I try to ignore her.

For example, my sister thinks she's a really good singer (she's really not). I'll do or say something she doesn't like, and she'll say, "At least I'm a good singer." I'll be confused as to what that had to do with the conversation, and she'll say, "I've heard you before. You're awful. I'm going to be a famous singer one day, and nobody will like you."

And sometimes these things will come out of the blue. She'll stop in front of mirrors and say, "I'm so pretty! Look how cute I am!" and then she'll see me in the reflection and she'll scrunch up her nose and say, "Ugh, look at you. You're so ugly. You'll never be as pretty as me." Another example of this is when we were watching home videos, and she was infatuated with herself on screen, and she'd say, "Look at me, I'm the cutest baby in the world! Hayden, you're so much uglier than me. You were an ugly baby."

I rarely leave my room because I really dislike being with my family because they all make fun of me. When I do go out there though, I usually watch a movie with my dad. Sometimes I sit on his lap, and when my sister comes out she'll see and get insanely jealous. She'll come over and physically push me out of the way and sit down, throwing her legs over me and obstructing my view, and when I try to push them out of the way she'll kick me. My dad will tell us to stop, but I can't see and I'm forced to move to the other side of the couch so by then I'm done and I stand up and leave. My sister always has this smug smile on her face when I do that.

When I'm watching something that she doesn't like, she comes over, yanks the remote control away from me, and turns it off. My mom was around one time when I was watching Swing Time, and I was watching it out there because I like the living room TV. I only watch old movies, which my sister despises, but she was in her room so I was okay. She comes out while I'm only like 30 minutes in, gives this loud groan when she sees it, says “I'm not watching this!”, and comes over to me and asks for the remote. I tell her no, and she tries prying my fingers off the remote and when I wouldn't do that she goes to the DVD player and turns it off and takes my disc out. My mom happened to see her do that so she got in trouble that one time, which made my sister yell, “You always take her side!” and run off. To add on to that, today she broke our computer mouse because I was listening to the Beatles and she felt the need to grab the mouse away from me and turn it off because she hates them.

But then she'll be sweet about what I watch and turn Jeopardy! on for me to watch everyday, which is confusing.

She used to date this boy, and when she was dating him, she would constantly tell me, “I have a boyfriend, you don't. No boys like you. You're ugly and annoying.” I mean, I don't even want a boyfriend because I'm an aromantic asexual. But she would just come and whisper to me that I'm ugly and tell me how much better she is than me and I don't know why.

I have an odd way of playing around with her, I suppose. She would say something like “Oh, there's a flower,” and I'll be stupid and say, “You're a flower” and then it would just escalate to this point where we were genuinely fighting each other. I also would sometimes just play around and push her down on the couch or do a slow-mo punch thing and barely even touch her. But now it's like I'll be standing in my house and she'll jump on me and start hitting me and push me down and kick me and I have to yell at her to stop and she'll almost break my glasses and in self defense I have to hit back so I usually end up getting in trouble.

And I don't know, it's gotten progressively worse. She tries to brush it off with, “I'm kidding” or “Hayden hit me/called me [name],” the latter of which is usually a lie. But the line between kidding with each other and being serious is a giant blur now and I honestly can't tell which one is which. I already have a hard time with understanding people's emotions and motives and I can't decipher it here. This seems serious to me, and maybe it's not, but I genuinely do not know. She's left bruises on me before, and she thinks it's okay to insult me and call me names and my parents don't do anything about it. I don't know if this is typical for 10 year olds or not, but I'm worried about her behavior because of how extreme she is when it comes to switching moods and, well, she's physically and verbally assaulting me.

Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know. Can I please, please get some help? I have no one to go to right now and I don't know what to make of this situation.
   
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Re: Sibling Bullying? - March 19th 2014, 08:07 AM

Hi, let me first say this, you are not alone. Everything you've written is pretty much my life story. No lie. You aren't overreacting at all. My brother is exactly the same. My parents always took his side because he was the youngest and I always got into trouble. He would also go from one extreme to the other so you wake up in the morning and you're not sure which version you're gonna get! He's either really nice or really mean. And, when he's mean it's emotionally draining for me and really lowers my self-esteem. Normally what I would do is proceed with my life, I try to not to let these things get to me too much because I have more important things to worry about like school etc. But, one day, things got too much and I broke down and I knew that something had to change. I couldn't keep living like this. So, I sat down with my parents and told them how I felt about my brother. Then they had a talk with him and things started to get better. My parents adopted the approach of listening to both sides of the story before taking sides. This definitely helped when my brother and I got into fights. I was glad that I had told my parents. The problem didn't go away and it still hasn't but, life is a little better. Some of the things that your sister has said to you are really hurtful so I hope you can talk to someone about this.
I'm really sorry if my advice is terrible. On the plus side, it's nice knowing that someone knows how I feel. I hope things get better!
   
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Re: Sibling Bullying? - March 19th 2014, 10:41 PM

I actually understand a lot of the things you are saying. Most kids this age are going through that, "oh I'm better than you", " I can do this and you can't", " you do this so i can too" type things.

The only think I can suggest you do is talk to your mom about it. If she has had siblings she will understand. If she doesn't do anything then try to continue to ignore her. If she says something answer her, and try to avoid these encounters. Most 10 year olds are bratty and want attention. as she grows up that will drop, but she kind of has to be shown not to do those kind of things, or she will keep doing them.

Try to work with your mom into getting her to stop, she will grow out of most of it, but the fighting is a normal sibling thing. Specially with younger siblings.

Good luck. Keep your cool so you don't get in trouble.
   
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Re: Sibling Bullying? - March 19th 2014, 10:41 PM

I actually understand a lot of the things you are saying. Most kids this age are going through that, "oh I'm better than you", " I can do this and you can't", " you do this so i can too" type things.

The only think I can suggest you do is talk to your mom about it. If she has had siblings she will understand. If she doesn't do anything then try to continue to ignore her. If she says something answer her, and try to avoid these encounters. Most 10 year olds are bratty and want attention. as she grows up that will drop, but she kind of has to be shown not to do those kind of things, or she will keep doing them.

Try to work with your mom into getting her to stop, she will grow out of most of it, but the fighting is a normal sibling thing. Specially with younger siblings.

Good luck. Keep your cool so you don't get in trouble.
   
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