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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Kalina Offline
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Exclamation HELP :( - May 17th 2014, 10:31 PM

Okay, well I'm not sure if this comes under "peer pressure and bullying" because it's about a lot of things but here goes nothing. So I have this friend. I met her at a time when we were both being bullied by the same people and kind of bonded over that. Eventually, we found a new group of friends and things were great for a long time. She has always been, loud and opinionated and everyone had accepted that. But recently a couple of us had started to feel differently. We knew that tension was building and everyone was starting to get extremely annoyed with her rude comments, how she thinks she's always right and has a strong dislike for others opinions. Things got really bad when she started holding this grudge against one of our friends. We were all so terrified to stand up to her that things just got out of hand. We got more tired of her constant comments and attitude towards us and that every time something happens she makes us apologise and acts like nothing is her fault and that she is the most innocent person on the planet. Then suddenly last week, everything blew up. It really wasn't the best timing considering that her friend had just passed away and for me, I had recently found out that an uncle had passed away, Nan had a stroke and a cousin had cancer. So when this fight happened it was such bad timing but everyone felt the same. We knew this was going to happen eventually. After months of sitting and saying nothing, it was inevitable that someone would crack. The worst part is that she twisted it on us and made us look like the bad people. She really doesn't have any idea how bad she has made us all feel in the last six months. I'm so worried about one of my closest friends because I know she might start cutting because of this as she has before and she texted me saying that our used-to-be friend doesn't want her alive and she doesn't know why she isn't dead. I'm so upset that she is feeling this way. Now we're both terrified of going back to school. After months of being intimidated by this person, we're not sure what to do. We're both still so worried about school and what our parents will think as we have been friends with her for so long. Also this awkward thing is that we already all paid for schoolies so not sure what's going to happen there. I can't possibly focus on school with this whole situation in my head! Where to go from here..?
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cynefin Offline
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Re: HELP :( - May 18th 2014, 01:15 PM

Hi there,

It seems like your "friend" doesn't want to take responsibility for her own actions. She either doesn't know what she is doing or she just doesn't want to have to take the blame. There are some people in this world who are generally like this - they have their own opinions and are unaccepting of anyone other than themselves. Unfortunately they don't see the big picture and that harms other people in their lives. Like you said, after taking it for so long one of you would eventually snap. Since she twists her words I don't think it's best to talk to her, but maybe to an adult instead. I think you should be honest with your parents so they are aware of what is going on; they might even be able to have a conversation with her parents.

For your other friend, since she is talking about cutting and death it's important to let her know that you're there for her. Self-harm is very serious and suicide is permanent; there are no second chances after someone takes their life. Encourage her to seek help for herself. You can explain to her how to keep distracted when she feels like harming herself; show her thealternatives thread if you'd like. You can recommend hotlines as well. However, if she doesn't seek help, you should speak to an adult you trust who can get her some help in time.

Going back to school might be tough, but hopefully you'll be busy with things that have to be done in the beginning of the school year.

Remember, you're not bad people.

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