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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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I'm not sure what to do. - March 6th 2015, 02:32 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so just a little back ground story here. I have three younger sisters that I raise. The Twins (both 15) and the Ellen (17). (Not using real names here for protection of the girls, just in-case.) For reasons I'd rather not explain in this, they stay with me, I make sure they get to school and just take care of their over all basic needs. With that being said, we are having a bullying issue. It's been brought to my attention that one of the twins has been bullying at school. When I found out we sat down and talked about it. I'm just not sure what else to do. She's been grounded. We've talked about it. She's been suspended from school for this before. She not only verbally bullies other, but she physically hits other kids.

I never thought I would have to worry about this one day. Ellen get's bullied on a daily basis, and I've went through hell and back with that school trying to get it to stop. It's gotten bad. At one point she was almost raped AT SCHOOL. ON SCHOOL GROUNDS. I'm just not sure how you let something like this happen at school. They want our children to feel safe and protected, but can't even guarantee their safety at school. Twin number one (The bully) has just flat out no respect for anyone while at school, including with Ellen, her own sister! She's fine with Twin number two, but even while at home she bullies Ellen.

I've tried everything I could possibly do and I just don't know how to get it through her head. I have to focus on protecting the other girls, and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've tried everything I could, and I'm just at my wits end. I'd hate to see her in Juvenile detention or something over this. I just need some advice on what to do. Please help, thanks.

(A bit more info that might help.) I've moved Ellen from that school to another because she was being bullied over the rape. I've done this twice now, because the new school she was being bullied as well. Children talk, and social media doesn't help this. It's so frustrating to try your hardest and to have this happen. I just want her to feel safe and to have a positive environment to recover.


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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 7th 2015, 02:10 AM

Hey Adelaide,

First of all, your siblings are incredibly lucky to have you! I'm sorry to hear that all of this is going on, though. I'm glad you talked Twin number one. Being there for your sisters to have open and honest conversations can be really beneficial for them. Sometimes punishments and talking don't do enough, though, and it can be hard to get the point across. How did you ground your sister? If she has electronic devices, you could take those away as I know that people so attached to them these days. Since your sister is used to seeing you it may be hard for her to see you as an authority figure rather than your sister and in that case I suggest getting someone else to talk to her such as someone at school. Perhaps you can get into contact with her principal or guidance counselor to see if they can offer you any advice. You all might be able to have a meeting or something so you're able to be more firm with your sister. She needs to know that there are consequences for her actions. If after a while you feel as though you still can't get through to her, it might just be that she'll need to experience more consequences before she realizes that it is not okay to intentionally physically or emotionally harm someone else.

People bully others for a lot of different reasons, but the bottom line is that there's some sort of unpleasant feeling causing twin number one to bully others. I think you should talk to her (or allow her guidance counselor to) to see if you can figure out how she's truly feeling. Encourage her to express her feelings in a healthy way. If she's angry, for example, she can punch a pillow or scream into it.

I can't imagine how Ellen must be feeling right now. If school continues to be tough for her, I suggest looking into homeschooling options. There are inexpensive and sometimes free online courses depending on where you live (your state has to approve of them first). Homeschooling might be better for her because she'll be able to get work done in an environment that she feels safer in. I am home schooled and have been for several years now, and I enjoy it. It's flexible and it's definitely worth looking into. If she continues to stay in public school, maybe she can create a safe place to go to. It will also help for her to have teachers and other school staff to go to if she's upset about something. Encourage her to make a positive safe place at home so she's able to take some time to herself when she needs to.

I can understand how frustrating this is for you, but you're doing amazing and I'm sure that your sisters appreciate you.


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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 7th 2015, 04:26 AM

Thank you.


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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 8th 2015, 06:11 PM

Hiya Adelaide,

It's amazing of you to be raising your sisters and I'm sorry to hear about what you are currently experiencing!
As Cassie said, you as well as grounding twin number one, you could take away devices such as her phone and computer. However, if you are going to do this, then you should set a time limit and make sure that she knows that it can be earned back.
You should trying to sit down with her and try to find out why she feels the need to bully others, then you can try and stop her from doing it by addressing the root cause. Also, you could also try talking through the consequences of bullying with twin one, this would try and make her understand the effects on what her behavior is causing to the victims of her bullying.

Make sure that you are giving Ellen support with the bullying, which I am sure that you already are. I would suggest that Ellen keeps a diary of the bullying detailing the place, time and what was said or done. This would make it easier and could act as kind of evidence if the school aren't doing anything about the bullying. You can also discuss safe places for Ellen, to go to get away from the bullying, e.g. the school library and people who she can report the bullying to.

I hope this helps.






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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 8th 2015, 10:35 PM

Thank you both for all the advice.


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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 9th 2015, 07:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathmaticiousforlife View Post
Thank you both for all the advice.
You're welcome, I hope that everything gets sorted out.






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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 9th 2015, 08:16 PM

It sounds like both the twin and Ellen are struggling and maybe even the second twin. I think that the most important thing, more than grounding and such is to really understand her motivation for bullying others, what the underlying issues are. Is she also being bullied or did she have a past of being bullied? Maybe the fact that she is being raised by you is somehow bringing up confusing things for her. Maybe she is lashing out....whatever the case is, talk to her about it and listen to what she has to say. At the same time work on making the bullying stop and there's no excuse to bullying. Cassie and Jenny gave good advice. Hope things improve.
   
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Re: I'm not sure what to do. - March 9th 2015, 10:53 PM

Thank you.


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