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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Celyn Offline
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Am I overthinking? Is it just banter? - March 9th 2015, 08:49 PM

I've been picked on before and so has my brother (20). So I know what it feels like and I know what bullying looks like.

But I'm worried about my youngest brother (15). He changed his profile picture on fb a while ago and got comments from guys in his class saying 'top shagger' etc. I thought that they were messing about because my brother has very poor hygiene (not good upbringing) and has really bad eczema/dry skin all over his face.

Today, he has been on fb and is in a group chat, and the guys are telling him to message random girls and say 'hi xxx' and my brother is a quiet guy with possible anxiety. He did it, but now he said he might go somewhere on Friday (a party, I think he muttered?) and I'm really worried that this group are bad news. He is quite impressionable and I know if someone wanted to take advantage of him or make him do something he might regret, he would just go along with it. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to stop him if it's nothing. He wont tell mum about what's going on, and he only tells me minimum information. Dad passed away, so he doesn't have a male role model, but I wonder if he would tell his brother? He doesn't even have a mobile and he doesn't even like using public transport, so it's not like he could even be 'safe'.

The thing is, is that I know I was bullied, so I guess I could be over protective, but I just got that feeling. I also know that on a deeper level, I'm worried about him and girls, given the fact that I was abused by someone his age, and none of us have had proper sex ed. I don't want him doing something he might regret or getting taken advantage of.

I just needed to write this down, so I remember things. But any advice or opinions are welcome!


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Re: Am I overthinking? Is it just banter? - March 9th 2015, 09:00 PM

Hi Holly,

This sounds like a difficult situation for you, I would suggest trying to talk to your brother about where he is going and who he is meeting with. You could try talking to him and asking him if he is being bullied, it may be useful to share some of your experiences with bullying so that if he is being bullied, he knows that someone is there who understands what he is going through.

I hope this helps, feel free to contact me if you need to talk






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Celyn Offline
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Re: Am I overthinking? Is it just banter? - March 9th 2015, 09:39 PM

Thanks Jenny.

I might try to talk to him soon, but I don't think he'll listen. Perhaps sharing my experience a bit might help him see. Wondering if sending him a message might also help, rather than him just listening to me go on. But I'll try to talk to him, somehow.


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Re: Am I overthinking? Is it just banter? - March 10th 2015, 05:52 AM

Hey Holly,

If you have a bad feeling about all of this, trust your instinct. I don't think you're being overprotective at all; you're just being a great older sister! The absence of a father figure could be hard on your brother, and he might let himself open up to your other brother. Perhaps you can talk to your older brother and share your concerns? He might have some advice of his own as what the two of you can do to help your younger brother. Talking to him, sharing your own experiences, and letting him know that you're there for him sounds like a good idea too.

Let us know how it goes.


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Celyn Offline
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Re: Am I overthinking? Is it just banter? - March 10th 2015, 09:28 PM

I talked to him last night and he re-assured me that if he did go to the party he wouldn’t be drinking, doing drugs or getting with girls.

I found a comment today that somebody posted on his status calling him a ‘smelly [insult]’ so I talked to him about the situation but he seemed to think that these people were helping him being confident online talking to girls. I said that it was an insult and I was concerned that other people found it funny, suggesting he talks to girls and then insulting him and covering it as a ‘joke’, rather than genuinely trying to help him. He said he understands that but didn’t know why the person called him that, but he seemed to be ok with me talking to him. I don’t want to push him or lecture him, because he isn’t one for listening. But I think I’m getting through to him.

I also told him that he doesn’t need to copy others to fit in, that he is a great person the way he his and that he will develop more confidence over time. I’ll keep an eye on things, but it was just heart-breaking when I saw that comment.

I haven't tried talking to his brother yet. Maybe tomorrow.


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Re: Am I overthinking? Is it just banter? - March 10th 2015, 11:36 PM

Hi Holly.

Im very happy that you are worried about your younger brother it shows that you really care and want to look out for your brother. I have had experiences very similar to this. I was in your brothers situation when I was younger in high school people use to pick on me but try and joke but really they didn't give 2 shits about me and used me as someone to mock with their friend to look cool. I do feel that your brother is that person I'm very sorry to say that you did mention in our conversation about this that those kids were the popular type? Those kids are most likely to pick on the innocent and shy people like your brother just to look cool in front of girls. I wouldn't recommend getting to involved with them as they don't seem to sound like real friends. Who on earth try to give someone confidence by posting smelly on someones profile picture? If anything that would bring someones confidence down. You said they got him to speak to a girl on Facebook did your brother want to speak to this girl or was he forced to do it? Your brother should not be doing anything he feels uncomfortable with. You made your brother sound like one of the kids that doesn't tend to mix with the popular kids according to your subscription. Most of the popular kids have groups of people who they pray on to take the piss out of. I sadly was one of those kids they prayed on at school they pretend to be your friend but in reality they are just taking the piss out of you.

Of course I don't know this they might be nicest people on the planet for all I know! It's very hard to know what these boys are like because I don't know them at all. Im just going by the details that you provided. I would suggest talking to your brother again about how he feels about these people. One thing that will be hard is to get him to have faith and trust in you because you said that he doesn't like to talk about it. I would recommend getting your older brother to talk to him perhaps that would be best. If i was in your shoes i would not let him to go this party because it sounds like trouble if he goes he could get forced to do some stupid things. Im not saying that he will but it could happen animi sure you don't want your brother to be forced in to doing some really stupid stuff as you mentioned in your thread like drugs and going far with girls. I think you should have one more chat with your brother explain to him that your really worried about these people and keep an eye on his Facebook wall to see if he gets anymore silly comments on it. The only thing you can really do is talk to him and see his point of view if he feels uncomfortable then he should not be going. Ask him does he trust these boys? If he doesn't trust them I wouldn't go. You could also ask him how long has he known these boys for?

You and your brother really need to communicate about how you both feel about the situation then hopefully you both will get an end result which you both feel comfortable with. If your brother is feeling uncomfortable with being treated like this I would recommend talking to his teacher perhaps you could book an appointment to go with him? I think a good idea would be if you go to see his teachers you could ask how those boy treat him in class and at school because you're not with him at school there might be stuff going on which you don't know about and your bother isn't telling you.

Your brother is in good hands with an amazing sister as caring as you love.
Take care Lovely.
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Last edited by bringmethehorizon♥; March 11th 2015 at 12:13 AM.
   
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