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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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How were/are you effected? - June 27th 2015, 05:29 PM

Hi guys,

I'm going to be writing an article about the effects of bullying and I would like to use some of people's personal experiences. If I have your permission to include what you say in an article that will be published on the site, please respond to me via PM. If you don't want to participate you're more than welcome to post to this thread so you can share your experiences with other people.

Tell us about your experiences with bullying and how you were/are effected.

For the purpose of this thread, I'll go first. I was bullied a lot when I was younger, but I had a lot going on in my life and I was too out of it to realize that I was actually being bullied. Things were said and done when I was older, but it got bad when I started high school. I lost a family member and was sexually assaulted just a few months before, so I was trying to deal with that while being tormented at school. I was made fun of, and followed around the school hallways. People use to make fun of me in front of the entire class and I only spoke up once. I was known as the quiet kid, so everyone became silent when I did speak up. I started failing all my classes, and I used to leave in the middle of the day, skip classes, or not show up at all. My things were stolen, I was kicked around and threatened. Security guards used to have to walk me to my classes to make sure people left me alone. I called my mom while crying in the bathroom the bathroom one day and my mom, as well as other adults feared for my safety and I was removed from school shortly afterwards. I graduate soon and I have been taking online courses.

What's your story?


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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 28th 2015, 01:30 PM

I was bullied all throughout primary school and this really knocked my confidence. It made me really nervous around people I didn't know as I was scared that I was going to be bullied again. I started to believe all the horrible things that the bully said about me which made me feel horrible about myself.

The bullying was mostly names but in year six, the bully started to steal and break my things. I kept telling the teacher and staff in the school but nothing was done about it. Finally in my last year of primary school, the school dealt with the bullying and I was able to enjoy the remainder of my time in primary school.

I hope this helps with your article, feel free to PM me if you would like to know anything else about my experience.






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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 28th 2015, 02:15 PM

I was bullied through out middle and high school. I was called names, and got shoved around a fair bit by students and teachers. I was a really really quiet kid in school, only because I was taught not to bully others. I was called horrible degrading names by the teachers and support staff. I was shoved into the showers, people threw scissors and rocks at me, I was purposely the aim for sports. I discovered self harm and I avoided school for almost 4 months before I got moved to a different school.

Feel free to PM me anytime for questions, I'd be happy to help
   
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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 28th 2015, 02:35 PM

I'm not sure if this counts as bullying, but most of my experiences in school that I remember as painful were times when I was intentionally excluded, isolated, unwanted etc. I guess technically people have the right to be friends with whom they want to be, but it felt like they had never given me a chance. They said things like "you're too smart" "I hate smart people like you" and teachers would announce my test scores to the class and say "if anyone wants to know what the right answers were ask Susan because she got a 100%" so that added to them being upset. I did tutor many of them in my free time, went to their houses and went over materials. But at school lunchtime they'd make fun of all the teachers and principals and make fun of me too. They thought I didn't understand Arabic but I actually do, and they've said some pretty judgamental things. They also talked about who they hate and I was one of them. They tended to pick on me for being quiet and anytime we entered the classroom after lunch they'd run out and say it smells horrible and run out and then giggle and say it's because of me, even though I was with them at lunch and entered the classroom at the same time they did.

They've done things like pull my homework out of my hands and copy all the answers without my permission.

The older kids made fun of me for being quiet, for my dad who isn't jewish and for my mom being in the hospital/died.
They would crowd around me and ask me very invasive questions about my home life and I would start crying. Then they'd either run away or they'd tell each other "look what you did! you made her cry" and laugh at me. They'd also wet their hands and then clap in my face so that the water goes into my eyes and I'd start crying from that, but they'd keep doing it.

There were times it was physical. Sometimes they'd trip me and I'd fall over. Once two girls saw me coming and took the sign away from view that said "caution" because it was just been mopped. They watched me slip very badly and then were laughing and brought back the sign after I brushed myself off and got up.

Sometimes they'd push me, shove me, steal my pencils or look in my backpack.

Surprisingly this was all in elementary school up to grade 8. High school was a huge school and people were more looking you up and down then outright bullying.
When I was a freshman, a group of high schoolers came to me and asked me why I was eating ices with a fork...there's nothing wrong with asking...but it was 5 or 6 of them all asking questions at the same time and it seemed condescending. But I guess it wasn't bullying...

The teachers didn't help and often made it worse. Sometimes they had good intentions but it turned out for the worse. For example if they saw that I was quiet and sitting alone, they'd make me sit next to everyone else and force us to talk to each other which would lead to them complaining and saying things like "I hate her, why do I have to be near her"


They'd say I was deaf and mute and call me retarded. A lot of namecalling pretty much.

There was one staff member, she was the preschool coordinator. I happen to have the same last name as her maiden name and she was very much like a mother figure to me. We bonded and I would often help out with the preschool kids even as young as 3rd grade I would go there and read them stories. Once I was with her and was crying a lot. She found out it was because of how some of the older kids were treating me. She asked me who they were and Ididn't want to say because I didn't want them to get into trouble. Every time a teacher got involved, the kids would hate me more so I tried avoiding that. She wouldn't let it go though. She took me to the upper grades classroom and asked me to tell her which ones it was. I wouldn't say it so she gave the entire class a speech about how bullying is wrong. I didn't hear the whole thing because I was in the hallway.

Another time I told the librarian who was also a Hebrew teacher, and we got on well together that I feel depressed because kids are making fun of me and it hurts to be hated so much. She ended up talking to the class about that too. She didn't mention my name but everyone knew it was me and were upset for 'tattle taling" because quite frankly, everyone in that class were friends except for me it seemed.

I think this is part of how my self-esteem, self-confidence gone down the drain. It was relatives too, idk if what they did counts as bullying....my cousins tended to single me out/leave me out. Even my grandma's neighbor's children would single me out. Not sure if that counts as bullying because they weren't always outright bullying. I guess it was more "mean' than 'bullying"


I think a lot of the problems I have now relate back to this, especially trouble with assertiveness, guilt and things like that.
   
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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 28th 2015, 02:38 PM

My experiences happened after I had been sexually abused. I was already quiet and felt different to others before the abuse, but afterwards my confidence went right down. It started towards the end of primary school, when I was about 10-11, this one girl in particular used to copy my work. It got to the point where I had to physically write out her work for her, before I could even do mine. It seems childish, but I was a pushover.

In high school, I had no real friends, and the girls I hung out with, made me feel bad for my appearance. It doesn't seem much, but it was everyday, and it got me down. Other people laughed at my lack of swimming abilities, chased me around the yard, threw my bag around, called me names, even inappropriately touch me. I felt like there was something wrong with me, because I didn't understand why other people could make friends and get along and I couldn't. I tried to be positive and have a good day, but most of the time I would come home in tears. I was so nervous to go to school that every morning I would feel sick. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not, but I started having panic attacks when I was 13, and they happened in school. I didn't really tell anyone what I was going through, because I didn't think it was serious enough to be classed as 'bullying'. I just thought it was me.

The last time I was bullied, I was 17-18 years old, and my ex would ask questions about my dad who was terminally ill, either asking if he was getting better, or asking if he was dead. He physically hurt me too. Then I did tell the teacher. I felt pathetic being that age having no friends, and feeling like I was 11 years old again. It also affected my choice in university too because I didn't want to move out, as I was scared I would get bullied there too. And I already decided that even though I wanted to be a teacher, I didn't want to teach high school students, because I was afraid I wouldn't be taken seriously.

Hope this helps


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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 28th 2015, 05:09 PM

I was bullied in elementary school and since then I have a hard time socializing with anyone and I am over critical about myself. This has made it hard for me to meet and have friends. Right now I have zero friends and the only person I talk to is my father.
   
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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 28th 2015, 06:24 PM

Although Secondary school was an overall Hell-ish experience, bullying only contributed so little but still hit me like a ton of bricks especially after Year 7- I suppose it's because the older kids were a little more civil when the younger kids came in.
But in Year 8 I had some boy calling me the same thing over and over again, and it got so repetitive I had angry outbursts. It wasn't until he threw an insult about my mum and stepdad when I finally snapped and punched him repeatedly. And after that he stopped and we were on more equal grounds. Yet the stuff didn't stop there, another boy called me a name because I had and still have a dangerous and uncontrollable anger. Another boy insulted me for my size but he soon shut up. The worst experience with bullying was that a girl in my tutor somehow was out for my blood, she'd always tell me to move if I was "in the way" when sitting in my tutor class. In Drama she always wanted the parts I volunteered for. I didn't do anything to her but she apparently was out for everyone's blood but it felt like I had it worse.
A few mornings in Year 9 these older boys would yell insults from the other side of a busy road as I walked to meet up with my friends, that was probably when my anxiety began to subtly surface and I'd avoid any place where I had a bad experience so my journey to school changed a bit.
The most recent bullying that happened was when I was in Year 11- last year- and these boys who were two years below us rode by on their bikes and yelled slurs to me and my friends, they also did this in school and one of their other friends threw an empty bottle at us but one afternoon one of the main boys hopped off of his bike and got right to my best friends face and insulted her. My anger was boiling and I was really close to grabbing his bike and beating him up with it. I also had thoughts of holding him against a car and threatening to beat him up if he insulted my friends and I again (I also found out he lives near me when I was walking home and I still have thoughts of going to find him and beat him up because I want revenge on people who did me wrong).

The effects of being bullied took its toll on me in the terms of making my anger worse. During Year 11 I was the angriest out of my friends, I always had cold looks on me and rarely laughed because I despised my school and wanted out. I always tried to pull sick days whenever I could because I couldn't take it anymore, I hardly told mum the reason why.
If someone caused me trouble then I would threaten to fight them- I never got in trouble because the teachers knew that these outbursts were rare and "out of character" for me because I was a good student most of the time. I was close to having a fight with someone in Year 11 because we were staying behind to finish on some work and I was beginning to panic because it was an unfamiliar situation and one boy was whining about not having something and snapping at the teacher, and I muttered too loudly under my breath that we have lives outside of school and he yelled at me, I yelled back and flipped a table that was in front of me. We had to be seperated but he kept yelling from outside the Sixth Form building when I was taken out of the classroom, when I was escorted to the back gate by an assisstant teacher who was trying to calm me down, I was physically shaking.
I'm recluse as well, wanting to stay home- and that's worsened due to my mental health- but apart from going to school I never went out because I feared for the same thing happening. I find it hard to make friends with people because of my experience in school, that's why I dropped out of College and I didn't want the same people insulting me when I breifly returned to my school's Sixth Form.
It's caused me to withdraw into myself, seeking protection in my home or from my mum because it's a major part of my comfort zone, my expreience (not just with bullying but school as a whole) has caused me to have panic attacks if I ever step foot in the direction that my school is in.




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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 29th 2015, 06:42 PM

Well, I was bullied from 5th to 10th form. It was mostly name calling, excluding me from basicly everything and making fun of everything I did.
I was attacked physicaly only once and it was the only time I hit back. They never tried again

Well as a result for years no matter where I went I was convinced that people where out to get me. I didn't and still barely trust anyone, including my parents and friends. Worst is, that I can't show negative emotions anymore, cause I'm scared they will be used against me and botteling everything up's bringing a whole bunch of problems along.
Also thanks to it I missed and still miss out on a lot of stuff. I'm to scared to go into some shops cause they remind me of my former classmates, I'm scared to go dancing, or shopping, or anything teenagers usually do.
Oh and my self esteem is non existent (though at least I managed to repair my self confidence )
Also (which may or may not be bad) when someone attacks me physicaly I snap right away. I won't ever let anyone hit me again.


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Re: How were/are you effected? - June 29th 2015, 11:51 PM

I have never had any friends before. Everyone I have been friends with turned out to bully me and use me beat me hurt me etc. I use to come home from school with marks on my arms kids would tell me that I was worthless. Because of this I have no confidence and I struggle with leaving the house and it's generally ruined my life. I'm still trying to fix it but the after effects of bullying damage the victim so much inside sometimes they never heal. I could go in to a lot more detail but it would be really long but bullying is one of the key factors which is stopping me from making friends and talking to people in life.

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Re: How were/are you effected? - July 1st 2015, 06:52 PM

I was never "severely" bullied in the way that some were. I was never hit or pushed or had people cussing me out. Honestly though, I don't think that any kind of bullying is ok.

I was bullied when I was younger. There was this boy, we'll call him JP, and he'd make fun of me all the time. Today, JP is my main "example" of what a bully is cause he would follow me around and make fun of me when I was 11 or 12 or so, and even though it was never severe it's still awful on the confidence and self-esteem. I'd come home crying a lot because of this mean little boy. Ironically, it kind of made me feel better when I eventually "grew up" and went to university while he amounted to nothing in life.

A lot of my experience in being bullied came from being excluded and subtly teased. For example, people would make fun of lisps/ speech impediments right in front of me but they never directed it right at me (I have a bit of a lisp - it's gotten much better over the years but I had to take speech therapy for a really, really long time, like 8 years or so). I had girls who, in grades 6-8, would form circles to hang out and talk during recess/lunch breaks and some how I'd always get shunted to the outside of these circles and excluded, I wasn't always invited to get togethers even though mostly everyone else was and then they'd flaunt it in front of me. The girls in my grade 6-8 class where pretty mean and catty. I got the brunt of it, and I would come home in tears practically every day, especially in grade 7 when it was really bad. By grade 8 I had a different group of friends that weren't as mean.

In high school, I was also excluded a lot. I always got the impression that no one really cared if I was there or not and I didn't know how to insert myself into the group and ingratiate myself to them.

To this day, I don't know why this happened to me because I really think that, overall, people like me. My teachers always thought I was a good kid and I always had a few good friends. I was one of those kids who was always really well liked by adults who seemed to think that I could do no wrong. I was very non-judgemental. I guess I was just different. My parents had more money than most (in my town at least), and I was different I would read Star Wars under my desk and I was outwardly geeky and, while very friendly and smart, I could also be kind of awkward. I was uncomfortable in big groups and I can be super introverted at times so it can be hard to make a lot of close friends.

To be honest, I think some kids make themselves targets. I hate to say that, but I see kids who are just horrible, they're mean to people or provoke people and then they don't get it when the other kids are cruel and bully them. I don't condone bullying, being that I was bullied I know it is a horrible experience. but some times I think certain kids just need help with social skills so they don't annoy other kids, while their bullies get taught right from wrong and to not pick on someone just cause that someone bothers them.

However, I think most kids are like myself; a kid who never did anything wrong. I was just different. I was the kid with the lisp, the boobs that bloomed early, the girl who read Star Wars books under her desk, the girl who dressed up like a Jedi and Jack Sparrow instead of a princess or a hippi for Halloween, and so on. I was different. I was smart, I liked horses, I wanted to be a vet. I was introverted and awkward in some social situations, I also have a lot of anxiety and can be sort of hyper and wired. I never did anything to provoke people, but I just had enough traits to make me "weird" that I was a target. While I said that some people kind of ask for it (even though it's ovbiously wrong to bully another person), I think most of are are just "weird" (AKA different). It is especially bad to be different when you are young. The one thing that makes you different (being tall, being a geek, being very smart) is the one thing that will make you a target... but someday it'll probably be your greatest asset.

How it affected me is debatable. I smoked weed and drank a lot more than I should have during my 1st and 2nd year of university but I was also depressed and suffering from panic disorder due to academic challenges I had in university, so I can't say it was due to being bullied. I sometimes have issues with self-esteem, especially when it comes to my weight and appearance, which is something that verges on being an eating disorder and I do think that's because I was bullied and excluded. I had a lot of people comment on my weight even though I was no more than [Edited.] lbs overweight at the tie so yeah, no good.

I think that overall I am fine. I look back and I have 2 post-secondary degrees, I have a great career ahead of me, I have great friend, I own a house with my boyfriend who I love. The people who bullied me the most haven't done half as much as me. I wish them all the best, but I also think that the years they spent dragging me down means nothing because look where I am now compared to them, like good fucking job.
I dunno, maybe this will help.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions

Last edited by cynefin; September 11th 2015 at 10:36 PM. Reason: Removing weight numbers.
   
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Re: How were/are you effected? - July 2nd 2015, 05:47 PM

Hey,

I wasn't bullied in the sense that it happened every single day and one specific person would target me. I only had a small circle of friends and I didn't relate well to that many people. In my friendship group we were all misfits but that was okay because we had each other. I've found over the years that kids are cruel and kids will try to pick on people for being different, when being different isn't necessarily a bad thing.

As an adult I have been bullied, and it made my school days seem like a walk in the park. When I started my job there was a woman who was older than me, in her mid-twenties at the time and she would ridicule me in every way possible. At the time I was working as a temp, so it made me feel like I could not speak up and I could not do anything about it. It got to the point where I was just so anxious to go to work. I would take days off sick if I felt a bit unwell, just so I didn't have to face her. I was so depressed but I felt that by quitting I would be letting people down because my dad worked hard to help me to get the job. For me it was an impossible situation and it still affects me now, I find it hard to make friendships with new people in my every day life. It makes it hard for me to trust people. It turns out the manager was aware of what was happening and didn't actually do anything to prevent it, which made me angry because it could have so easily been prevented and stopped because management was aware and they failed me.


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