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A letter to my demons. (very triggering) - August 14th 2015, 09:39 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

(names obviously changed, true stories)

Dear Katie,

I met you in kindergarten. you always had the trendy things. Feathered hair clips and pink tutus. You were really popular, pulling all your followers toward you. I was an outcast to you. Wearing my cargo pants and digging in the dirt with a toy bulldozer. You used to be such a teacher's pet. If i did one thing you didn't like, you would tell the teacher I did something really bad. I could never keep my card on green. I always ended the day on red. You said I purposely broke the sand table when I accidentally tipped it. I cleaned it up dutifully and gave my teacher the $3.49 in my piggy bank to make up for it. Still, I was never allowed to go on field trips again and I had no friends. I had you to thank. You followed me into 1st grade and stayed with me until 5th. You got everyone to tease me because I read thick, hard books like little house on the prarie and wore baggy hand me down clothes. In second grade, the problems started. I never wanted to go to school. I broke down in tears a lot. I stopped riding a bike, I was afraid of lots of things. I had you to blame. You tormented me. I stopped reading hard books and doing mensa. I lost interest in my daily activities. I was undiagnosable. The doctors said I was depressed, but therapy and the occasional medication didn't help. I had to get glasses, and I would be teased because of my big round frames (which I thought looked like Harry Potter's glasses. I stopped that year. It's your fault. In third grade, I thought I was starting to be accepted. My mom had let me get clothes from target, and I wore lots of boot cut jeans or skirts with colorful shirts. Even my trademark overalls were cute. I had made friends with the forth graders in my 3/4 hgt class. But then, you got angry. You were no longer the main source of attention. So you made sure that I wasn't allowed to play with other girls. I started playing more with some of the boys. James, Evan, and Harry were outcasts, like me. We would play frizbee on the field. Or we would sneak into the computer lab and play coolmath games. I kept playing with them in fourth grade, sometimes including my bookish friend, Jezabel, into our games. Thank you, Katie, for giving me these friends. Finally free of Katie, I blossomed into my fifth grade year. I met Tiana, Rita, and Lilly. Jezabel, them, and I would play hunger games, or superpowers, or warrior cats. I had never had that much fun. Katie would go flirt with the popular boys or cheerlead for football games. Now, I want her to know that she never hurt me. If it wasn't for her, I might not be who I am today.



Dear, Ryan, Everett, and Jackson

The first and foremost thing I remember of you is the teasing. You ripped pages from my books then told the teacher I was detroying them. You blew spitballs at my clothes and hair and whispered rude remarks when I passed by. You stuck gum in my hair and I had to cut it short. But what makes you hate me the most is that one day when you made my teacher not want to teach me anymore. We were sitting on the rug and our teacher had to get some copies. A conversation about curse words started. I happily exclaimed that I knew the word shit because my dad had said it when the car wouldn't start. Everyone rolled their eyes and taught me all the other words. Then, Jackson told me to show my teacher the middle finger because it was a "Kid word that the teacher didn't know" so I flipped her the bird when she came in. I was then dragged to the office and suspended for three weeks, even though I repeatedly told the truth. I was told to do it.



I want you all, my demons, to know that I am over you. You never hurt me, I was just hurting myself. This will come back to haunt you one day. Trust me, it will


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Re: A letter to my demons. (very triggering) - August 15th 2015, 03:42 AM

Writing letters to those who hurt you can be really beneficial, so I hope this has helped you. You're very strong for sharing these letters with us.


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Re: A letter to my demons. (very triggering) - August 26th 2015, 12:28 AM

I'm glad you can write these letters out. It shows great strength and that you've grown and healed since then.
   
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Re: A letter to my demons. (very triggering) - August 26th 2015, 01:18 AM

I am glad you wrote this and I hope it helped you. Writing letters to those who hurt you can be really beneficial. It's really brave of you for sharing these letters with us.


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Re: A letter to my demons. (very triggering) - August 26th 2015, 02:40 PM

I hope that writing these letters helped you. It was very strong and brave of you to share the letters with us.

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Re: A letter to my demons. (very triggering) - August 31st 2015, 04:25 PM

I'm glad you wrote this and I hope it helped you. If it did, keep doing it. Maybe you could think about starting a blog on here or writing in a journal? Just a thought. But writing letters is a really good idea. Remember we're here to help if you need us so don't be alone.

Jessie


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