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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Angry Had a bad day... :-/ - October 8th 2015, 02:41 PM

I wasn't sure where to put this, as it isn't as bad as depression or bullying or anxiety, just a mix of all these elements... so feel free to move this thread to a more appropriate category.

So today I had a bad day. It started off fine, I had my usual classes and saw my usual friends and usual teachers. But then this afternoon I had sports -- more specifically basketball. Now, I really enjoy basketball -- it's fun, although I'm not particularly good at it. So one boy in our class was given the task of doing the "register" (I think that's what you call it?) and when he read out my name he said "is she even in our group?" great. Thanks. So I've been here since the very beginning but apparently no one notices me. I raised my hand to signal my presence, and everything was fine. But I ended up in a team of people who I don't especially like. I was with the group of drama girls who are pretty and they sure as hell know it and show it, and with a couple of boys who I didn't know beforehand.
All through the entire game, I felt awful. I felt so out of place... I wasn't friends with anyone in my group so I just kind of stood behind pointlessly. And the other girls kind of took pity on me, and although I know they were only being nice, it made me feel all the more awkward and shy. Then, while we were playing, I was hovering around this girl to stop the balll getting to her, and she kept saying stuff like "can't you just go already?!" "oh my god, you're so annoying" and other mean stuff. I know that it must have been irritating for her to have me there, but we're playing fucking basketball. It's what I'm meant to do. And then, when I hovered near this other girl who I though might get the ball, she took my wrist and said "get out the way, go on". When I attempted to stop the ball getting into her hands again, she just said in a really condescending tone "don't even try".
All I can do is wonder... how can this girl do such a thing? She was being deliberately rude to me so that I'd leave alone, but not in a jokeful way. It was almost menacing. And she's in my class, so she knows that I'm already quite reclusive and shy, so I wonder... has she even considered what saying such things to me might make me feel? Or does she do it so much that it's just second nature now? I wonder what she'd think if she knew that it's because of people like her that I'm shy and socially anxious.
And then, walking back after class, after seeing the school band perform a couple of songs, it hit me that I am not great at anything. Even the things I do best -- drawing, writing, playing guitar, singing -- there is always someone who does it better. I feel useless and untalented, even though I know that in any wase there will always be someone better than me.

So yeah... I walked back and listened to music and cried. And that's that.


"You shall love your crooked neighbour / with your crooked heart."
   
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Re: Had a bad day... :-/ - October 8th 2015, 05:46 PM

I can relate to the last part of your post perfectly. I know how it feels to feel 'useless and untalented', as you said. The fact that someone's better than you at doing something doesn't imply that you're not good at it, you know what I mean? It's quite hard to wrap your head around this concept, really, mostly because people tend to praise the ones who are "better" and forget the "untalented". There is always going to be someone who's better than you at doing something, but that doesn't make you useless or worthless at all. Trust me, the ones who love you don't care if you're the best at something, they just think you're awesome. Try to avoid putting yourself down like that, because it makes you feel worse. Thinking positively helps a lot in these situations, you can change your mind.
As for the other problem, maybe these girls were having a bad day too? I know it doesn't excuse their behaviour, but sometimes people do not realise they're harming others when they are upset. Also, there are people who only care about winning and maybe you did one thing wrong and they assumed you can't do anything right etc so they started treating you like that (which is 100% wrong, honestly, but there's not much you can do about it).
Try not to think about it too much, keep yourself busy and distracted as long as you can, and I also think that crying is a good thing, actually? It helps you release negative feelings, so if you feel like you need to cry, do it.
Anyway, if it happens again, I'd try talking to them. I know it's scary, but they have no right to treat you like this and you need to let them know they hurt you.
I hope this helped.


MONACHOPSIS
the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
   
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Re: Had a bad day... :-/ - October 8th 2015, 09:36 PM

I'm sorry that people would be mean like that. People suck sometimes. It's not fair or right, I don't even know if I can begin to explain it. I remember when I was younger I would come home crying because of the Mean Girls at school and my mom would point out to me that many of these girls moms were also mean and catty, some of the other girls (or boys) came from bad or dysfunctional families were they dealt with it by lashing out or behaved cruelly because no one modelled better behaviour for me. It kind of helped me to understand why other kids could be so mean. Think about it, if your mom is a bitch, then logic would dictate that her moms friends are probably not so nice, so even if the dad, aunts, uncles or grandparents are kinder and more thoughtful, having one catty, gossipy, mean parent is a large part of your major role models being mean. Yes, a child can rise above the role models they've been presented in life because there will be teachers or coaches also demonstrating kindness, but some don't. If a kid thinks that being catty and mean is ok because that's what their mom demonstrates to them, it makes it easier for them to treat kids like yourself. Other kids are just mean because they're trying to fit in. I know it's not an excuse, but it kind of helps if you think about what that kids home life or personal life is like because at least it is easier to stop blaming yourself and wondering why it is that the girl would treat you that way. Yeah, it's probably cause you're different, for me it was because I read Star Wars under my desk, have a lisp, dressed up like Jack Sparrow (bearing in mind that I'm a girl) and can sometimes talk too much, for you it could be something else. It's NEVER because you did anything wrong, it's just that these kids have their own problems and will target nice girls like yourself for the one thing that sets you apart, even if that one thing is one of your greatest assets.

Also, don't let it bother you if you're not the best at anything. I used to feel like that all the time. I was never good at phys. ed. because I suck at most of those sports. I was never good at math, I had to work my ass off to get ok grades in science and even in the subjects that I was good at, such as English and art, someone else (or many someones) were always better than me. What I learned is that even if I'm not the best, it doesn't mean I am not good at anything. In fact, my love for talking (something I used to get teased for) became very valuable when I turned my energy to writing and creative communication and entered public relations. A lot of people are like me - there are a lot of things I like and that I can do, but I am not an expert at and it might just take a while to find something that you're very passionate about. I am sure there are things you're good at, even if you're not the best, even if it is just that you're good at being thoughtful or good at English or what ever. If you're constantly hoping to be the best, it'll make you feel like you're good at nothing, which is rarely and surely never true. I don't know if that helps or not though.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Had a bad day... :-/ - October 9th 2015, 01:26 PM

I can relate entirely. I won't go too much into detail as this is your thread and your space but reading this reminded me of feeling so alone as if it were only me. It seemed like I was the only one in the class treated differently even by teachers at times and it turns out most if not all classrooms have a similar dynamics. I learned that after talking to other people and there were so many "me too" upon reflection.


Sports, especially sports in high school years seems like the battleground for where bullying tends to take place. I know that's where a lot of it happened to me.

I think there are two major options to choose from: stick it out OR talk to the teacher to have you possibly switched to a different team?
I wish I had better advice. I chose to stuck it out but that was incredibly demoralizing and you know, bullying is not easy to tolerate nor should it be. I don't know how your teacher is like but if he is approachable I'd mention it. My teacher happened to be someone who encouraged bullying (yes it happens, I know) but most teachers are not like that.

Best of luck<3
   
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