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Post My experience in a toxic friendship+ Advice. - November 16th 2015, 12:10 PM

So I've known a girl for a few months now, shes introduced me to so many new people and stolen so many gifts for me. Everyone in our friendship group adore her and in a way she kind of controls us all. However me and one other girl seem to be the only ones doing anything about it. I met her through two friends of mine who id known for years, when they met her, I saw less and less of them. Which really hurt. Id heard a lot about this girl. She rang me one day explaining my friends had told her what Im going through and she wanted to help. I thought, wow shes so kind, she invited me out with 'her group'. Which consisted of my missing friends. This was great, I thought, Ive made a new best friend whos fantastic and I can see more of my two friends! But the euphoria soon passed and I noticed she seemed to be putting me down a lot, or embarrassing me in front of our friends. It made me feel ashamed of myself, but she was still really nice by calling me her best friend and making me feel special and because I felt so down I felt as though I needed her. A month or so passed and she told me she was mean to me because she was jealous and I shouldnt be mad because Its like a compliment. I was so confused and upset, it wasnt my fault she was jealous... Was it? More and more people came and went throughout this group and the nastiness soon stopped. Another, very beautiful, girl eventually started hanging around with us. My best friend acted like she loved her but everyone else really enjoyed spending time with her too, my best friend then told me she was jealous and she hated the new girl for stealing her spotlight, and after a few months of convincing us she was bad, she kicked her out of our group. This was another red flag. Other things she has done are, stealing my headphones, twice. Then flashing them in my face and refusing to give them back, which frustrated me. If any males from our group showed interest in me she would convince them out of it by pretending to like them and other silly stuff. Or attempting to sleep with them. I cant go on with this friendship anymore its unhealthy but because everyone else loves her I feel trapped and I cant leave. Or Ill lose some friends ive had for a very long time, they are brainwashed, as she only treats girls this way. She has told me many times about lying about being arrested and other things to go spend time with other boys, meant to be in secret. Wich they have no idea about. Shes just bad news. We do not live close or go to the same school so i could easily let her go. But she knows a lot of personal things about me and Im so afraid of her.



If anyone on here experiences a toxic friendship, as soon as things dont feel right leave and find new friends. They will not feel sorry for you. They will not change. Believe me, leave before you get trapped. Find new friends, although it might be hard because this experience has left me with a lot of emotional hurt and I know so many people get dragged into these friendships and dont even realise just how much damage is being done, be kind to yourself and let the bad person go. You dont need to be nasty or smug about it, you just need to slowly disconnect yourself from the person.
   
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Re: My experience in a toxic friendship+ Advice. - November 16th 2015, 11:37 PM

Hey I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Someone I thought of as one of my best friends for 6 years was also a really toxic person.I tried for a year to keep our friendship afloat and now it's all I can do not to hate her guts. I actually immediately thought of her when you talked about how your "friend" acts all nice and people love her but then she'll actually start putting you down and stuff like that. I bet you have no way to defend yourself either without escalating the issue (sounds that way) (I call it being the bigger person by recognizing that it's just better not to ruffle feathers if there are other ways to handle it lol)

These sorts of people are hardly worth even engaging with.

Ultimately, you have to handle it in the way you see fit. If you are afraid of the repercussions of cutting your friendship with her, then you can always just ease out of the friendship. As you said, she doesn't go to your school or anything so you could theoretically avoid her. You could only talk to her if she initiates, avoid divulging personal stuff in favour of small talk and only really spend time with her if there is a group situation where you don't have a choice (even then, focus on the other people there, not her). Much like you gradually build up a friendship, I think you can reasonably gradually leave a friendship too. I know a lot of other people will say you should tell her "I don't want to be your friend any more", and that is a valid option if you feel safe and comfortable doing that. For now though, I'd just get distance in some of the ways I suggested (and any other ways that suit you) and focus on healthier, positive and fulfilling friendships.

If you need to talk, please PM me.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: My experience in a toxic friendship+ Advice. - November 19th 2015, 06:04 PM

Thanks haha, and I haven't spoken too her for about a week now and I am a bit happier not having to worry about making her mad and things like that. And its scary how quickly a great friendship can go bad. Either way thank you and I hope you are having a good week
   
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Re: My experience in a toxic friendship+ Advice. - November 19th 2015, 10:37 PM

Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing your advice. I bet it will be helpful to those who are/have experienced a toxic friendship.

I'm sorry that you have had this experience, though. It must have hurt you a lot to be treated that way by someone who was your friend whom you trusted with a lot of things about you. I understand why you are worried but I believe you are doing what's best for you by slowly distancing yourself.

I hope it goes smoothly and you start feeling better soon. Waiting for true friends that treat you in a nice way you deserve is worth the wait. Take care and stay strong.
   
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Re: My experience in a toxic friendship+ Advice. - November 22nd 2015, 12:24 AM

Thank you and not a problem, I am feeling better after leaving the friendship, a bit lonely but Ill make new friends haha
   
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