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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Calmdownplz Offline
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Question So, I was a bully. - March 6th 2016, 05:31 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was a bully. Now I've met up with the girl I had bullied, and we're friends,(I apologized) but I still feel really guilty. I've self harmed three times, and now I realize that I shouldn't, because it doesn't help anything. But every day, I think about it. How do you make these feelings go away? I just want to feel happy again, and not guilty about my past....
   
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Re: So, I was a bully. - March 6th 2016, 11:35 AM

Sometimes can it be hard. You can't change what you did in your past, only the future. Try talking to a counselor, they can help you overcome these feelings, You can always talk about it here, no one will judge you
   
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Re: So, I was a bully. - March 6th 2016, 08:46 PM

How to make them go away? Well, the fact that you were her bully won't go away so the best option is to integrate it. What I mean is, make your peace with it. It sounds like you've been working on doing that already, but maybe I can help equip you a bit better for that.

You had your reasons for bullying her. You don't have to say here what your reasons were, I'm not asking that of you, but the important thing to remember is that you had a reason for doing it. It doesn't mean it was the most useful thing to do in the circumstances, or that bullying as a behaviour is okay. But you did it as a genuine attempt to solve some pain or difficulty or something like that, and you did the best you could with the information and resources available to you at the time.

Now, you are older, wiser and stronger, and that means you have more options. And one of the things you've chosen to do with that wider array of options and that greater wisdom is to go to your ex-victim and talk with her. And guess what - you got her forgiveness, that's a great thing!

Regrets are almost inevitable - almost every one of us has them. You are in good company. But regrets have a way of teaching us things. You sound very earnest in your wish to do the right thing, and you wouldn't have that without the bullying in your past.

I hope that's enough help for now, but if I'm off the mark at all, by all means continue talking about this because you're striving for something better for yourself and for her, and there is scarcely a better thing anybody can do than that.

Take care - of yourself and, if this turns into an ongoing friendship, of her too.
   
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Re: So, I was a bully. - March 9th 2016, 04:02 AM

A lot of people never acknowledge the fact that they've bullied people, so your ability to do so is a big step and it shows your strength. Like it was said, you had your reasons for bullying her and that doesn't excuse your behavior, but you had to have gone through something of your own to bully someone. You can't change the past, but you have apologized, and all you can do now is move on and learn from the past. Things are different now and you can learn from the past by treating other people the way you'd want to be treated and I can see you're already doing that.

You're right in that self-harm doesn't help anything but it's a temporary high, or a distraction from other things you're going through. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and harming yourself doesn't make the past go away. Harming yourself only gives the past control because you are continuing to remind yourself of it through self-harm and you want to do the opposite of that. Here are some alternatives to take a look at. Now, you're working on treating others the way you'd like to be treated and I'd tell you to treat yourself the way you want to be treated but that could be come unhealthy because I know it's hard to treat yourself nicely. Treat yourself with the same kindness you treat other people with.


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Re: So, I was a bully. - March 10th 2016, 10:37 PM

Thank you very much, I really needed something like this.
   
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Re: So, I was a bully. - March 10th 2016, 10:38 PM

Thank you, I'm going to try an alternative.
   
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Re: So, I was a bully. - March 10th 2016, 10:39 PM

Thank you for the advice. I'll try to do this.
   
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