TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Phantom_Girl Offline
Actual Disney Princess
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Phantom_Girl's Avatar
 
Name: Meg
Gender: Female
Location: West Egg

Posts: 241
Join Date: August 21st 2012

Should I just let her win this one? - October 3rd 2016, 08:47 AM

Long story short but my direct roommate is a literal nightmare. I live in a suite with two rooms and a common space, so roommates A and B live in one room and me and Roommate C in another but all in the same space.

All three of us despite roommate C. She is the problem here. I won't go into details but she is awful. She is controlling, flip flopping, inconsiderate, and above all hostile. When she gets mad she gets manic. One night she was screaming and I mean screaming at Roommate A. An RA came by because he heard and I was seconds away from calling campus police because it was so bad. I couldn't even sleep in my own room that night.

Since then (and even before that) we've met with about 5 RA'a, professional staff, and even the resident director but none of them can force her to move out. She's talked about it but she won't do it because, and I quote, "[her] side of the room is so cute."

I'm at a point where I can't stand even being in my own room because she's there. Intentionally or unintentionally, I think she's trying to bully me out of the room. She did that to her last roommate but I don't want to let her do it to me. I love my other suitemates and it's unfair for her to make me move away from them. But maybe it's just better if I do it. I hate to leave my other suitmetes with her but at least she can have her own room and therefore can't complain. In fact, she threw a hissy fit when I moved in because she wanted her own room.

What do you think? I might know if a single space that's opening up so I can have my own room too but I don't really want to move. I'd hate to let her win again but there is a time when you just have to give up the fight and maybe this is it? I can't really keep living the way I do (because of her) so maybe removing myself is the better option? It's just really unfair that she's the problem and I have to suffer because of it. Living in this suite was my last option and my salvation since my other *supposed to be* roommate screwed me over. I just keep getting stuck in these situations and I don't want to keep suffering. But so far I have done nothing but suffer with every one of my living on campus expirences.


Savvy?

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Verbal venom.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 9,839
Blog Entries: 1496
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Should I just let her win this one? - October 3rd 2016, 02:28 PM

It sounds like you are happy with your room and your other roommates. I don't think you should move out if you don't want to move out. Like you said, it's not fair for you to have to move out because of somebody else and their behavior.

Do you think you can spend time out of your room, and just use it only to sleep at night? For instance, you can spend time in the common areas or maybe even outside of your room and somewhere around campus so you can get a break from this roommate. That way, you'll only be there to sleep and you'll see her less.

You said there's a single room opening up. Have you thought about mentioning it to this roommate? Maybe you can casually talk about it and see if she takes enough interest to move into it since she really wants a room of her own.

I don't have too much advice on the topic; hopefully someone who has some experience with this will post here.

I really hope things work out for you though.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
BDF Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
BDF's Avatar
 
Name: BDF
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Europe

Posts: 2,523
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 28th 2009

Re: Should I just let her win this one? - October 3rd 2016, 05:07 PM

I don't know the details, but I'm presuming that you signed some sort of agreement with whoever is renting you the accommodation. What you can or can't do about her legally, will be mostly decided by what you signed in that agreement (contract).

For example, if you were to rent a room in a typical student house, there might be certain conditions which the administration is obligated to fulfill, such as various rules regarding safety, noise levels, cleanliness, etc.

If she is violating those rules, there is a case to have her thrown out of the accommodation on legal grounds. If the administration isn't doing it, then they are violating the rules themselves, by failing to provide you with satisfactory living standards (even if she is the cause of this, it's their responsibility to do something about it).

From my experience, the organizers will typically deny this, or be reluctant to interfere directly in these things... so a good way to "motivate" them is pay a lawyer to send them an official letter/warning where it says you threaten to sue them for not fulfilling their conditions which you agreed to when you signed your rental contract. Usually the threat of such action, is enough for them to do something about it. Perhaps they might offer you alternative accommodation, and it's up to you if you accept this... but once you do, there's probably no turning back. If you're happy with such a solution, good, if not, then you can't change your mind after.

If you can motivate your other roommates to stand with you on this, it's more likely to have an effect, and it's also less likely the administration will try to make all 3 of you move, and throw her out instead. Either way, you obviously can't throw her out yourself. It's the admin's job to do that. All you can do is put pressure on them. Avoid interacting with her directly. Don't feed the troll.

If the terms and conditions you signed suck, and you can't resolve this legally... then there are other methods. I should point out that if she is at any point posing a physical threat to you, she could be committing a criminal offense. That's different. That's not something the contract you signed has anything to do with. Things like that get reported directly to the police, or campus security like you said.

Whatever route this takes... it's important you record what happens. Voice recordings. Video recordings maybe, and make sure they are time stamped. It's unlikely you will be able to do anything about this, without objective evidence. I'd go as far as keeping a logbook of her tantrums. And don't warn her about any of this, because it usually doesn't work, and makes things worse. She might retaliate. Don't give her that advantage. She's already had her warnings and 2nd chances. Don't talk to her about any of this, and don't even mention it to her.

.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; October 3rd 2016 at 07:15 PM.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
BDF Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
BDF's Avatar
 
Name: BDF
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Europe

Posts: 2,523
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 28th 2009

Re: Should I just let her win this one? - October 3rd 2016, 07:19 PM

Another idea just occurred to me lol:

call her parents and tell them


- THE END -

lol

That's up to you. I can imagine it working in most cases. Unless she's one of those cases where the parents don't give a flying shit or will do anything for their "little princess".

.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Phantom_Girl Offline
Actual Disney Princess
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Phantom_Girl's Avatar
 
Name: Meg
Gender: Female
Location: West Egg

Posts: 241
Join Date: August 21st 2012

Re: Should I just let her win this one? - October 3rd 2016, 10:04 PM

I'll have to look up if there was anything we signed, thank you! We all had a roommate agreement signed when we met with the director and it's posted on our door. But as far as officials rules I don't think she's violated anything that I know of. She hasn't physically harmed us but the way she was yelling I thought she might have.

Telling her parents won't do a thing, she talks to her mom every day and talks trash about us. Her mom knows everything and sides with her. In fact her mom was also screaming at Roommate A over the phone that night.


Savvy?

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
win

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.