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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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my nose. - April 8th 2017, 07:38 AM

my italian-ass, mario-looking, plumber nose.
i actually believe my nose is the only thing truly holding me back from being perceived as pretty.

if i cut off half my nose and gave it to voldemort, it would still be a bigger-than-average nose.

it resembles a bulbous triangle when resting, about 1.5 inches wide at the very bottom. but when i smile... holy mother of jesus, when i smile, and the nostrils flare out sideways, and the bulb becomes even more defined, and wider... sad thing is it's repulsive whether i'm smiling or not.

you know what's funny is that, i never knew my nose wasn't normal. yeah, whenever i was asked what i would change about myself or something, and i would really sit there and analyze my face, i would think, "huh, well if i absolutely had to choose something, i guess my nose could be smaller." but it was fine. it was like i was blind, something was shielding me from actually seeing my nose as it was, because to me.. i was normal.

that is until summer after sophomore year, i was 16 and had just really started using social media. i soon became very close friends with people in a small chat group on Kik, and we talked pretty much 24/7. (we're all still friends, nearly three years later.) a lot of times we would play group truth or dare, where we would just post pictures or live videos to prove we did the dare. so one day my dare was to eat a piece of toilet paper or something lmao.
shortly after posting the video to the group chat and everyone moved on to the next dare, someone from the group PMed me. i literally can never forget the phrase he used that completely shattered my view of my face forever.

"okay lol so i just realized this from that vid and DAMNNNN YOUR NOSE IS BIGGER THAN KIM KARDASHIAN'S ASS. "

after that he added, "like no offense or anything." but it was way too late. i remember i was smiling before i opened the message, and after reading my smile fell completely off my face. i went and rewatched the video. holy fuck, it was true. it's absolutely disgusting. i'm absolutely disgusting.

after that one comment, i noticed it everywhere. pictures of myself that i had absolutely LOVED in the past were now revolting to me because i finally noticed my nose. not only is it wide as fuck, but it also sticks out pretty far too, so there's maybe one or two angles i've learned to do almost perfectly so that my nose will look somewhat normal sized. as long as i don't smile too wide.
i began religiously editing every single selfie i took, even for the stupidest shit, like the dares. and i'd delete the before picture, so i could pretend my real nose didn't exist. if you think about it, my real nose actually didn't exist in my online life. everyone online (who hadn't seen it before my obsession began) actually thought i had a cute, normal sized nose.
i look back on the edits now and they're ridiculous looking as well. they're so far off from my actual nose it's pathetic. over the years i've tried to cut back more and more on my nose editing, so now it's much more realistic looking. but still, i have never showed a picture of my true, real nose again.

i know the dog filter is infamous for being the "hoe filter", but that filter is a blessing to me. in a way, it lets me see what i would look like if my nose just wasn't there. at least i can pretend that under the stupid dog mask is a normal nose. and i look really pretty without my gargantuan nose.

i have an arabic friend online who has broken his nose before, so it's literally 2-3 inches wide now, bent, and hooked. so i've been able to open up to him about this and we used to just roast our own noses together and have competitions to see who's was the worst. now he only cares about himself so i don't really talk to him anymore, but yeah. he made a few memes about me and sent them to the group chat about my nose. (you know those "starter pack" memes? well he made a "jess starter pack" and put a big nose as one of the pics.) i cringed a little at it, but i actually didn't really care about it. it kind of made it better to laugh at it. at least, that time it did.
also, once i uploaded a video to my snapchat, where i briefly accidentally turned my head so it was forward facing, and someone from the group chat screenshotted at just the right moment so it was literally the ugliest angle of my nose and overall face possible. i understand everyone has bad angles, but i feel like mine are just repulsive. like maybe that's how i look all the time and it's just the 1-2 good angles i have that are the only times i look pretty, and only i know how to do them when i'm taking a selfie.

another time, a friend took a picture of me in class and she loudly exclaimed in horror, "OH MY GOD you have a really big nose."

all that was about a year ago, and so i obviously went a hella long time with nobody bringing it up. i've been in rape and trauma counseling for about six months now, but that's also been helping a lot with my self-esteem. i was trying desperately to love and accept not only my nose, but my face, my body, as a whole. i took pictures along the way, front-facing, my worst angle.
and even though i thought i could never overlook my nose, i actually began to appreciate the pictures as a whole, rather than just focus on my nose. and when i started to appreciate the pictures, i would go look back at the old pictures... at the time i absolutely hated and obsessed over my nose... and i would be able to appreciate THOSE ones too! i was really proud and thought i was on the right track....

i've been depressed for probably about a year straight, and a few weeks ago i finally felt that weight lift off of me. i finally felt things again. when i was depressed, i wasn't really sure if that was really why i felt the way i did. (i was unofficially diagnosed by my counselor but was never able to officially go and see a psychologist.) but now that i'm better, looking back, i truly realize that yeah, i was extremely depressed. it's almost like i got so sad and dead inside about life that i had to completely shed my old emotions off... like now i'm a brand new "heart" or something. not sure how to explain. but what i'm trying to say is that now i feel everything and i SHOW that i feel everything. i've never been a sensitive person, but now that i can actually feel sadness and offended, i actually shed tears over things or get visibly upset.

this past thursday, i was in class with four of my closest friends. like i said, i'm newly over being depressed and the whole world feels brand new to me. i can get so utterly joyful for no apparent reason and just be content with the world and it's great. so sitting there, laughing with some of my most beloved people, i was just so, so happy. so i was smiling. widely.
as i was smiling i made eye contact with one of my friends and he suddenly exclaimed, "dude i just noticed, your nose is huge as fuck." and the smile immediately died off of my face. one of my female friends actually gasped because she could tell right away that it hurt me bad. he started saying some stupid roasts. i tried tuning it out the best i could, and the only ones i remember are, "if you painted it black you would be a pumpkin" and "your nose walks in the door five minutes before you do." i nodded and said "thanks" sarcastically and completely isolated myself mentally from the group. it felt like i could almost literally feel my walls going right back up again, and i felt these weird cold tingles i get when my feelings get really hurt. i pretty much just kept to myself the rest of class and my friend kept tapping me on the back trying to get me to talk to him. he would say, "jessss you know i roast out of love. don't get triggered!"
and i know he doesn't know that my nose is the biggest reason i hate my physical appearance. i don't talk to anyone about it, because i kind of just stupidly hoped it was something that only really showed up in pictures.
i really do wish i didn't get so upset over what was meant to be taken just as a joke. but the thing was, i really was getting triggered. it was bringing me back to the depressed state of mind. my nose is something i used to fucking cut over, for gods sake. yeah, it triggered me.
one of my friends, who i've actually opened up to about how insecure i am about my nose, started yelling at him and trying to defend me. but it was just way too late, and she's way too nice to truly stand up to him, and he's way too smug to even care.

i had a hard time keeping the tears in for the rest of that class, and as i was walking to my car they started spilling out. i cried the whole drive home and for a long while after i got home too. i immediately started researching rhinoplasty results and stuff, something i do when i start thinking about my nose.

i worked really hard yesterday, trying to repair myself from that setback. i don't want to go back to being numb. i don't want to go back to square one of absolutely despising myself. i tried the best i could to just chalk it up to a setback and looked forward to a new day.

but today.. in my anatomy class. in the middle of a fucking cat dissection, one of my lab partners thought it was a fantastic time to bring it up too. he said, "jessica my goggles keep falling off my face because my nose is small. i don't have a nose as huge as yours to keep it up." then he paused, as if i didn't get what he was saying and then added, "you have a really big nose."
i could feel myself shutting down again, even more this time. because mind you, this was the second day in a row this happened. it's not like i've even fully gotten over the thursday incident, and now this shit, again???
i replied, "i know." in a flat, annoyed tone. my acquaintance in my lab group laughed awkwardly. the guy who said it started laughing, almost out of surprise, and said, "how are you okay with someone saying that to you??" and i said, "i'm not."
i don't know what the fuck else i was supposed to do in that situation. it's not like i can deny it and say it's not fucking gargantuan. it's my italian ass dad's nose. from the looks of his, mine is bound to grow even bigger throughout adulthood.

i did even more research on rhinoplasty's today after school too, after again crying on the way home. which is ridiculous because i'm not even close to having the money for it, and my parents are already almost broke as well. plus i've heard there's so many possible negative side effects to nose jobs, i'm terrified of getting one but simultaneously believe it's the only way i'll ever be able to get over my nose.
i'm not sure if this all counts as bullying. that's really not the point of this thread but i didn't know where to put it. i kinda feel like i'm too old for the bullying shit now, like i've been there, done that. people my age don't really bully each other, it's more just insulting a friend to their face and dressing it up as just a joke.
not sure what i'm even trying to get from this thread, i just kind of wanted to get my story out and see what people thought. i'm quite literally obsessed with noses now. i think about my own at least 5 times a day. sorry this got so long and thanks for reading.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline

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Re: my nose. - April 9th 2017, 02:36 PM

Hopefully writing this out helped a little bit. That can make a big difference sometimes. You're not too old for bullying, no one is too old for it. Perhaps the definition of it changes as you get older but it can still happen. Maybe it was meant to be a joke, but it wasn't one. Speaking to someone like that isn't joking.

It sounds like you've made a lot of progress in therapy. Sometimes it can take a lot to make progress, yet so little to mess it up. Hearing comments about your nose two days in a row must have been hard. Have you ever talked to your counselor about your nose before? That might be something to try if you haven't already; they might be able to help you find ways to cope with feeling this way.

It must feel difficult yet kind of freeing to feel things after you've been numb for a while. Maybe the emotions you have been feeling were stuck for a while and are now easily surfacing.

You said you can't deny your nose, but would you feel comfortable talking back the next time someone says something like that? For instance, if someone makes a comment, you can tell them you don't appreciate it and ask them to refrain from saying things like that.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Chai. Offline
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Re: my nose. - April 10th 2017, 10:28 AM

Hey Jess,

I understand where you are coming from. I have a small nose which people always compared to a pig's nose. It hurt a lot, initially and I'd shut myself up and keep away from people for the longest of time. It took a lot of courage to actually open up to a couple of friends and tell them how the jokes hurt. The sad fact is that people 'joke' without realizing they are hurting somebody's sentiments. I agree with what has been said above. Maybe, the next time someone comments on your nose you could tell them how you don't appreciate it. A lot of people do stop making jokes about a particular subject when they realize their friend is triggered and it they don't stop, trust me when I say this, they are not worth being friends with.

School can be difficult and for the longest of time, I hated my nose. It's been a few years since I passed out of school and with time the jokes stopped. I learned to accept my nose and my body (that's a whole different story) and not let other people's judgment get to me.

Talking to someone can help. Maybe you could confide in your family or friends or your therapist about this. It is great that you have done so much progress in therapy and there is a great chance that your counselor could help you cope with these feelings.

As far as surgery is concerned which I realize was the purpose of your thread, I don't really know much about it so I am sorry I can't help. I can tell you one thing for sure, learning to accept yourself and fighting your bullies is a whole lot more amazing than caving into the pressure and changing yourself.

I am not sure how much I have helped but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I hope writing this helped and I am always here if you want someone to talk to. <3

Take care,

"Being happy isn't about having everything in your life perfect. Maybe it is about stringing together all the little things."

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my nose. - April 12th 2017, 11:24 PM

I once had someone on Facebook tell me I had a funny looking nose I've been really insecure about my nose since. I've had many comments made about my appearance I suffer from hyperheridrosis which is like where I sweat way to much and get massive sweat patches under my arms and my friend once noticed this and made a huge thing about it I then lke became self concipus of it have you told them how you feel when they lke make these sort of comments to you ? It might be woth telling them how it makes you feel

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