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Do I really get to choose my life? - May 25th 2009, 05:24 AM

This is something that's been irking me for a while.

Has your life ever been controlled by the social ladder? Mine certainly is. My mom says that my happiness and friends come from within me. In other words, I determine whether or not to be happy, and I get to choose who my friends will be.

But I don't feel like I have that choice. I feel like my life is in the hands of people who are...'higher up' than me. This social ladder in my school makes me feel like...like all of us aren't on the same level, even though we're all human.

I've also been thinking about this: would I be friends with someone, had it not been for the social ladder that separates us? I could definitely see me being friends with some of the people at my school. I have a lot of things in common with a few of them. But I just can't break past the rules of the social ladder. I feel like I have to accept the fact that some people are just higher than me. And that means I can't be friends with them- I have to be friends with people 'at my level.' And that's pretty low.

This is so confusing, and probably the deepest question I've ever typed up.
   
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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 25th 2009, 06:03 AM

The whole humin culture is built upon this "ladder". You don't have to play by these imaginary rules. Just do whatever the hell you want. If you want to make friends with someone, go talk to them. Keep trying, and if they reject you, well, they were probably pretty stupid anyway.


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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 25th 2009, 01:39 PM

Hey,

Short answer - yes, you get to chose your own life. Long answer? There are complications always, that interfere with how you live. But that doesn't mean you have to let these things hold you back or limit you.

When you look at it one way, the social ladder does play a pretty big part of school. It's against the status quo to talk with someone higher up or lower on the ladder than you. But I think you'll find, it doesn't matter, in the end, where you stand on the ladder. It's all about personality. What I mean by this is, someone on the top of the ladder may be the nicest, most caring person you'll ever meet. And another person on the top could be the exact opposite. If there was no social ladder, who would you rather be friendly with?

I think a lot of times, the social ladder contribute's to personality. Often you'll find a certain personality type within each rung of the ladder. Those who are higher up tend to be snobbish, rude, etc - but those who are lower tend to be more down-to-earth, caring, genuine people. Yes, I realize this is a huge generalization and there are always exceptions but often, this is what seems to be true. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that it doesn't matter where you are on the social ladder because if someone higher up than you doesn't want to be friendly with you, simply because of the social ladder - well, chances are? They're not someone you'd want to be friends with anyway, if they think this way. Does any of this make sense?

I want to ask you something, though. Who says, that you can't be friends with someone on the top of the social ladder? If you have common interests and your personalities match up, go for it. Strike conversation. Forget the social ladder and the status quo and be friendly. If they let the social ladder get in the way? Again, they're not worth it if they do this. No matter what your interests may be, if they let something as silly as social status get in the way of true friendships, they're not someone you want to be friends with. The people who don't let the social ladder get in the way, those are the ones who're worth spending time around.

I'm not sure how much sense I've made here but what I'm trying to say is that you can't let the social ladder limit you or hold you back. Go for anything you want to do and forget what others say or think. Let me know anytime you want to talk about anything, take care. <3



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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 25th 2009, 03:50 PM

Hey there,
I can relate a lot to your post--I have felt often that the social ladder dictated way more than I would've liked. As someone who is kind of past that whole thing (out of middle and high school) I can tell you that looking back, I wish I hadn't let it get in the way. There are people I'm friends with now that I wish I had been friends with earlier, wish I hadn't lost years being friends with, due to the ladder. So I say go for it. Honestly, nothing bad is going to come from you being friendly with someone "higher" or "lower". The worst that could happen is that you don't end up being friends with the person--and then you're not worse off than you were to start, right?

The other thing to keep in mind is that you're not the only one that feels this way. People who are "low" and people who are "high" on the ladder can also feel that they wish they were friends with others. So who knows, right now, the people you are writing about could be thinking "I wish I could be friends with people who are on a different rung of the ladder". They might be thrilled that you make the first move.

Do whatever makes you happy. Talk to someone, smile at someone, it can't hurt!
Good luck-
Jen




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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 25th 2009, 05:39 PM

The funny thing is that kids who take up nonconformity are the ones who have the most friends. Yes--even more friends than the "snobs" (labels are so lame). It's because they fit in with everyone--a genuinely nice, confident individual who doesn't fit into any one group fits into all of them. Embrace your individuality and just approach people you like, or you think you'd get along with. Know what makes you you, be confident, and people will notice. The illusion of the social ladder will fall, and you'll become even more confident, and comfortable in your own skin. Win-win. That's how I did it, anyway
   
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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 26th 2009, 04:24 AM

Hey. I have to ask, why be friends with someone who thinks that are they are completely above you? I'm not saying that everyone who is so called 'superior' on this make believe social ladder think they are all well and above you, but still. It sounds to me like you're letting these people who swear to be higher and more important than you completely affect your life, and the people you are friends with. I know it may seem like it, but no one at your school has any control over you. No one can put you in a certain place, or 'level,' because you get to be the person you want to be, and the position you want to be in life. No one can take that right from you, and you shouldn't let a bunch of immature high school idiots think they have control over your so called social degree. If you see someone that you would like to get to know, get to know them. There's nothing holding you back from that. You're your own person, and if I were you I'd never let anybody control that.





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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 26th 2009, 04:34 AM

But, there's just one fear I have. What if they remember all the dumb things I did in the past? Good friends shouldn't care about past incidents, but still- they're gonna think there's really something wrong with me. -.-; I don't know what I'm gonna do next year.
   
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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 26th 2009, 10:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PikaYoshi View Post
But, there's just one fear I have. What if they remember all the dumb things I did in the past? Good friends shouldn't care about past incidents, but still- they're gonna think there's really something wrong with me. -.-; I don't know what I'm gonna do next year.
I think that if you're meant to be friends with those people, and they're people worth befriending, that they'll be able to at least see past the things that you've done wrong. What makes you think that they would automatically know about the mistakes you've made in the past? If you don't want them to find out right away, don't tell them just yet - get to know them. Let them know the person that you are, not the person you were, so that they can get to know you for who you really are. Everyone makes mistakes in the past, and I'm sure they'll be able to forgive that if they know who you are well enough now.





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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 26th 2009, 11:04 PM

Oh gosh...about remembering past incidents. No one will remember. Trust me. A lot of the people I'm friends with today used to pick on me, and bully me in the past. I could choose to be resentful or self-conscious, and they could choose to still look down on me, but after a while all of us grew up. I was brave enough to forgive them and was friendly, and they happily reciprocated. I've built a lot of friendships this way Sometimes it helps to know that the people who have wronged you in the past might not even be there anymore. Never forget how to forgive people--forgiving makes life easier.
   
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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 26th 2009, 11:27 PM

The best way to deal with all of this is to simply not care. I know it sounds really apathetic, but honestly if you don't give a shit what people think of you, then it's so much easier to make and keep friends. Plus you just seem that much cooler. It's a really hard thing to do, but you can always fake it.

Thats really the only way to get past the social ladder, because the "ladder" is only based of what people think, and if the care. If you don't care your breaking down that ladder.


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Re: Do I really get to choose my life? - May 28th 2009, 09:27 PM

Love2laugh, I don't think your reply sounded apathetic. The thing about breaking the social ladder was encouraging.

And I've also noticed that I'm friends with people who I couldn't stand in elementary school. I was jealous of them, we competed over grades, or they just wierded me out. We've totally forgotten that, though. We said our apologies, and we can't even remember most of the stuff we fought over. Now I look back at it, the things I used to fight over were stupid.

Who knows? I might be friends with these people in college, or maybe not.
But I think I'll probably forget all of this in 2-3 years. And ten years from now, nobody will care what I used to be like. I'm pretty sure of that.
   
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