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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Exclamation My friend is dating my bully - July 13th 2009, 10:55 PM

A while ago I wrote about this kid, my ex-boyfiends best friend, who's been calling me names and making fun of me all the time. I think I mentioned that my best friend liked him, or something. Well, now they're dating. They've been going out for a couple months now, and, at the begenning, things were great between me and him. I guess it was just because he liked my friend. No he's back to being mean to me and my other friends. He calls us names and makes fun of us ALL THE TIME, and none of us like him. But I know my best friend really likes him and she's never really had a serious relationship like this before. So I guess I should be happy for her.. ?
But I reallyreally don't like this guy at all. I've talked to her about it and she keeps saying she'll talk to him about it, but I tell her I don't want to, because I feel like if she does he'll treat me even worse.
It' gotten to the point where I'm even mad at her for dating a guy that treats all of her friends so badly. What else can I do? I hate to say this, but I kind of hope they break up, so I don't have to spend time with him anymore. He's just not a good guy, you know?


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend is dating my bully - July 14th 2009, 04:09 PM

Is your friend completely oblivious to all the bullying? Or does she just think it's not as bad as you say it is?

You and your group of friends are not obligated to accept him into your circle, if he's being this hostile. Perhaps it's time that your friend DOES have a chat with him about his behavior, and see if things get any better. If not, then let her know, as gently as you can, that as much as you love being around her, you can't be around her boyfriend any longer. Set up some kind of system... perhaps she'll want to spend time with you and her other friends during lunchtime, and spend time with her boyfriend after school - or vice versa. That's what ended up happening with me and my ex-boyfriend during our second year of dating... it sucks, but my friends couldn't stand him, and I couldn't stand his friends, so that's what we settled on.






   
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Re: My friend is dating my bully - July 16th 2009, 10:02 PM

I agree with the last post. It's time to take action. What you might want to try differently is: get your group of friends who don't like this guy to go with you to your best friend to have a talk. That way, that bully can't point the finger to only you. Strength in numbers after all.

It's too bad your best friend is blindly in love and can't figure out her real friends are being bullied by her boyfriend. Maybe sure you can do everything in your power to make sure she doesn't change too much by the influence of this bully. People change after all, so make sure your best friend doesn't change for him.

If worse comes to worse and both your best friend and her boyfriend don't listen at all, cut the ties. They are no company any more with you, so save both parties some trouble and leave them. There's a saying around the lines of that when you have friends, you don't have a lover but when you have a lover, you don't have friends. When you lose one, you get a new set of the other. Maybe this is the case in your situation.
   
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Re: My friend is dating my bully - July 16th 2009, 11:31 PM

Well nothing can be resolved unless you do something about it. The problem will just keep happening if you don't do anything about it. She's not a good friend if she's letting this guy treat you like such crap. If she refuses, then I don't know how much longer this friendship will last. It doesn't matter how much she likes this guy or how well their relationship is going. It's not right to be going out with a guy who isn't nice to you. He's obviously not respectful to your friend then.
   
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