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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Elizabeth27 Offline
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Not on the recieving end - July 18th 2009, 05:19 AM

The past year I have been a bully. I have always been insecure and never liked myself at all. I am obsessive and self centered and always feel like everyone else is looking at me and criticizing me. To take focus off of myself, this past year I have been picking on a few other people and abusing them verbally and sometimes even physically. The "high" I get after feels great but then guilt hits and I hate myself-even to the point of suicidal thoughts.
This reputation is starting to follow me. People, even my friends, jokingly introduce me as the "jerk" to people or the "evil one".
How do I stop this vicious cycle?
   
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MadPoet Offline
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Re: Not on the recieving end - July 18th 2009, 06:26 AM

Hey Elizabeth. First of all I think you need to realize that by bullying people you're making them feel exactly as you feel to begin with. It doesn't make any of your emotions about yourself go away, as I'm sure you've realized. It simply makes someone else feel the exact same way. If you bully people because you're insecure, then try to boost up your confidence. What are some things about yourself that cause you to feel insecure? Monitor your negative thinking about yourself, catch yourself whenever you think negatively about the kind of person you are. Before you bully someone, remind yourself that what you say to this person isn't going to make any of the problems with yourself that you seem to be facing go away.

I can tell you right now that people aren't going to look at you like you're a loser, like you're a bad person, but when you're bullying someone to feel better about yourself - that's when you're going to be judged as a bad person. It's truly not worth hurting others to feel better about yourself. Instead, why not make others feel a bit BETTER, in order to be happier with yourself.

Take the time to be nice to people you see throughout your day. Give people compliments, even just smile at them. Let them know that you're a good person, and aren't going to take your problems out on anyone else. If you do that, you're going to feel a lot better about yourself. And the great thing is that in the whole process, you made someone else feel better about themselves as well. I can guarantee that the "high" you get from that, will be a million times more rewarding than the satisfaction you get from bullying another person.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Not on the recieving end - July 18th 2009, 07:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concrete Girl View Post
Hey Elizabeth. First of all I think you need to realize that by bullying people you're making them feel exactly as you feel to begin with. It doesn't make any of your emotions about yourself go away, as I'm sure you've realized. It simply makes someone else feel the exact same way. If you bully people because you're insecure, then try to boost up your confidence. What are some things about yourself that cause you to feel insecure? Monitor your negative thinking about yourself, catch yourself whenever you think negatively about the kind of person you are. Before you bully someone, remind yourself that what you say to this person isn't going to make any of the problems with yourself that you seem to be facing go away.

I can tell you right now that people aren't going to look at you like you're a loser, like you're a bad person, but when you're bullying someone to feel better about yourself - that's when you're going to be judged as a bad person. It's truly not worth hurting others to feel better about yourself. Instead, why not make others feel a bit BETTER, in order to be happier with yourself.

Take the time to be nice to people you see throughout your day. Give people compliments, even just smile at them. Let them know that you're a good person, and aren't going to take your problems out on anyone else. If you do that, you're going to feel a lot better about yourself. And the great thing is that in the whole process, you made someone else feel better about themselves as well. I can guarantee that the "high" you get from that, will be a million times more rewarding than the satisfaction you get from bullying another person.
^^^
Couldn't have put it better myself. Try to recognize why you're feeling bad and deal with it accordingly. Once you realize why you're not confident in yourself, it will become much easier to cope with it and seek a solution.

And I have to restate what Amanda said (again) in saying that helping others and making them feel good about themselves gives the greatest high you can get.


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
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Re: Not on the recieving end - July 19th 2009, 05:52 AM

Guilt is OK; it means that you know what's right and wrong. You have my appreciation in that you realize your abusing of others is wrong and want to change. I agree with the others who say to give yourself more confidence to begin with by helping others. You could also aim to be really good at something and pride (not brag) yourself at that to take the focus away from what you don't have.

In order to get rid of your bad reputation, stop the bad stuff. Apologies may be in order, if they may be accepted. I don't know how bad you did it, but some people will never accept anything good from you because they remember what you were. If that's the case, just leave them alone and make it up to the people who accept the new you by doing good things.

And lastly, you may have influenced some of your friends to think that bullying is right. If you find them to bully, stop them and tell them why it's wrong. That way, nobody else has to be needlessly hurt.

I wish you the best in your change. I am looking forward to the new you.
   
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Re: Not on the recieving end - July 20th 2009, 01:51 PM

Right, firstly,

Elizabeth has come her to ask for help and support. Nasty +/or hurtful comments will not be tolerated and will be removed

Okay. It seems you use other people as a vent for your emotions? You feel insecure about yourself; but by bullying others it's not going to make your problems go away, as I'm sure you'll realise!
I'm glad you've realised you may be hurting others. It's good that you can understand this, and that you might just be putting other people in the position you were in & is not going to make your issues just "go away."

Next time you feel like being mean, just take a second to think what you're doing, what the consequences are going to be in the long run.

As Amanda says, take the time to be nice! A smile, a compliment can really make a difference, and people will see you have changed, that you can change!




~Jess x
17|10|09

Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find me
   
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Mikey09 Offline
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Re: Not on the recieving end - July 20th 2009, 02:10 PM

Saying sorry to them people & as for your friends, if you start tp change they will see that you have, Just takes time. Good Luck <3
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