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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy I want to blow up my school - November 1st 2009, 04:37 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm not bullied or anything. But I don't get any attention. The teachers are jerks and don't give a damn about anyone there. I don't have a single friend, and yet I've been going to that school for 4 years. My mom says that I should just start conversations with people and try to make friends. They'll talk back, but it doesn't go anywhere. No one cares enough to be my friend.

My dad and I fight 24/7. Lately, my mom takes his side rather than mine. My mom and I use to be best friends - inseparable. Now, she always yells and doesn't want to hang out with me. My bf and I fight. I love him and he loves me, but the fighting isn't healthy. But he is the closest thing to a friend and the only one that I can tell still loves me.

School sucks. I'm always late because I don't even want to be there. Then, because I'm late, my name is written up and I'm so close to getting suspended now because of my lates. I hate that place. It's awful, no one there is friendly. When I come home, my parents immediately yell at me to do my homework (as if I don't know the drill after 17 years...) When I'm not doing homework, I'm exhausted, but my parents yell at me to clean the house. I have absolutely no time for myself. What little time I do have is spent arguing with my dad.

About 5 or 6 years ago, I did have friends. We use to go out every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and spend every second together. They've since turned there back on me. I don't have a single friend and I never get out of the house. I'm stuck in my room because it's the only place that my parents don't come to bother me. But when I'm not in my room, I'm at that shit hole of a school. I hate the kids and teachers there - they're so mean.

People there are so mean. I use to be a happy, normal person before I went there. Now, I'm depressed beyond belief and I really don't even care to change - I'm too fucked up already. I don't care about living anymore, I just want out. I talked to my parents about home-school (which wouldn't solve all my problems, but would at least be a start) but they just laughed and said no. I've talked to my mom about taking me to a psychiatrist or getting me on depression pills - something to try to fix me. But she doesn't want to do that because she said that it'll make her feel like she failed as a parent...Well, boo hoo! If I'm ready to take my life, are you really worried about failing as a parent anymore?

These things may seem minor and common, but I have had these thoughts more and more. The more I think about it, the better it sounds.

Last edited by Unicorn.; November 2nd 2009 at 12:47 PM. Reason: Marked as triggering, edited content
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 1st 2009, 05:35 PM

Blowing up the school won't make anything better. Have you considered talking to a guidance counselor? It sounds like you want help. If you really open up to you mom about this, she could reconsider. Do you have any relatives you are close to that could help you work through this? Sometimes kids are mean for no reason. Its probably not your fault. I really hope you can find a solution to this.


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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 1st 2009, 05:50 PM

It might not make it better for anyone else, but I wouldn't be sad anymore. The guidance counselors are just like the teachers - they don't care, they're just there for the paycheck. I could open up to my mom, but she always brings everything up with my dad, even if I ask her not to. Then he tries to act like he cares when he really doesn't. He puts all kinds of restrictions on me that makes me hate life even more. I ran away for a day once...I thought that might have taught him something. Apparently he's pretty stupid, because I'm more than willing to do it again. This time, I won't come back though.
   
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 1st 2009, 06:02 PM

Killing other people won't solve YOUR problems.
If anything, it will make it worse.
Straining your already strained relationships and causing your teachers, and fellow students to look at you with hate and disgust because you took someone and something (their education, school) away from them.

How could you be so selfish as to take everyone down with you?

Just because you're having a hard time doesn't mean other people, with happy homes, loving families, and bright futures, should have to die because things are a bit tough.

Life isn't always grand.

Think of it in the opposite, what if you had a bright future and a happy family, would YOU want someone to take that from you? You want that SO badly...why would you take that from someone else just because everyone isn't focused on you?

If you have no free time for yourself, you wouldn't be looking up bomb ideas.
Spend that time eating some ice creme or sitting in a park.
OR go to counseling!


"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -- Stephen Roberts

"And when you spread forth your hands, I will hide my eyes from you: yes, when you make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood." Isaiah 1:15

You're Gonna Carry That Weight.
   
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 1st 2009, 06:25 PM

I totally reccommend group therapy, never tried it but friends of mine have and love it and they met some people there with their exact same problems. I guess I struggle with some things you are. I am in university and I thought all those feelings you are experiencing now that I had would go away and sure enough they did not.

Group therapy and yoga are things I would reccommend. School sports/clubs/groups are alright too but I never really liked those back in High School.
   
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 2nd 2009, 12:38 AM

Um yeah it would. Cause I would kill myself at the same time...What, do you think that I would just kill them and continue living in depression....uh no. Duh. I would kill them and me. And I wouldn't care what teachers and students had to say because I'd be dead and they'd be dead.

Oh and you asked how I could be so selfish to take a life when I'm the one that's fucked up....well, it's quite easy when you don't give a shit.

And you know what, I have thought about it from the other persons perspective...the person that's happy in life that I'd be killing. But you know what, maybe they shouldn't have fucked me over before. And I'm not saying that everyone has, but quite frankly, I just don't give a shit anymore. Some may call that rude...but I don't really give a fuck about that either. So you better have some better words of wisdom than that same bullshit that I've heard over and over again.

Like I said, mom won't do the whole counseling thing, so not your brightest idea...

Person 1, and 3...thanks.
   
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 2nd 2009, 01:30 AM

People are assholes, but getting revenge on assholes isn't as fun as it sounds. Maybe you go to a shitty school that hates you, but then call a depression hotline because your parents won't pay for it.

I know you are in a different state of mind right now, but people won't be nice to you if you are an asshole to them, from personal experience. It's not good to say that other people don't care about you, when you are going on about blowing up a school. It makes you seem like you aren't trying to make amends, because you said you are 'done', but you still came on here to talk to us anyways . So I know you still care, even underneath that hardened shell you are trying to pull over yourself.

If you really want people to be nicer to you, and I know you do, go out and be nicer to other people! If they are assholes, don't take it personally, that is their own problem, not yours. You think everyone is against, but they really aren't. Just those handful of gossip jerks that piss on you to make themselves feel better. And nobody really likes those people anyways.

No one deserves any attention, they got to earn it mate. Go out there and do something positive to help people!


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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 2nd 2009, 01:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Farron View Post
Killing other people won't solve YOUR problems.
If anything, it will make it worse.
Straining your already strained relationships and causing your teachers, and fellow students to look at you with hate and disgust because you took someone and something (their education, school) away from them.

How could you be so selfish as to take everyone down with you?

Just because you're having a hard time doesn't mean other people, with happy homes, loving families, and bright futures, should have to die because things are a bit tough.

Life isn't always grand.

Think of it in the opposite, what if you had a bright future and a happy family, would YOU want someone to take that from you? You want that SO badly...why would you take that from someone else just because everyone isn't focused on you?

If you have no free time for yourself, you wouldn't be looking up bomb ideas.
Spend that time eating some ice creme or sitting in a park.
OR go to counseling!
wow... i'm sorry but you could use some empathy.

as for you, i agree with most of the people here. try finding a counsellor, it always helps. however, blowing up your school, with or without yourself in it won't. there is a way out, you just can't see it right now, but that's what therapists are for. i hope you can get help. and, as someone said above me, group therapy would be really good in your case! good luck, and be strong
   
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 2nd 2009, 02:51 AM

Sorry, my mistake - those were not 'words of wisdom' they are simply logical.
I had no idea that your pain forced you into stupidity.

I'm not going to "pet" you when you openly talk about killing others.
Whether you give a shit or not doesn't make it right.
If you have the ability to do something right, you should.
No matter if they have done you wrong.

I'm not apologizing just because you don't like the truth.
You are wrong for even considering that.
I refuse to empathize with someone who wishes to willingly kill someone (MANY people, in fact..because if you kill one...you kill families, friends, everything) just because their life isn't a bucket full of sunshine.


"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -- Stephen Roberts

"And when you spread forth your hands, I will hide my eyes from you: yes, when you make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood." Isaiah 1:15

You're Gonna Carry That Weight.
   
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Re: I want to blow up my school - November 2nd 2009, 05:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Farron View Post
Sorry, my mistake - those were not 'words of wisdom' they are simply logical.
I had no idea that your pain forced you into stupidity. [...]

I'm not apologizing just because you don't like the truth.
You are wrong for even considering that.
I refuse to empathize with someone who wishes to willingly kill someone (MANY people, in fact..because if you kill one...you kill families, friends, everything) just because their life isn't a bucket full of sunshine.
Yeesh... I really mean no offense, but you're missing the point.

I don't disagree with any of your initial attitudes on the whole bombing thing, but I'm not sure what you're trying to do here. If you're entertaining the idea that your harsh truths are going to cause people to see the error of their ways, then you may be a tad misguided. All your anger, your sarcastic insults, and your general confrontational tone don't seem like they could possibly accomplish much. (Again, no offense intended; couldn't think of a softer way to put that.)

As for Kiwi -

Quote:
Like I said, mom won't do the whole counseling thing, so not your brightest idea...
Finding some means of therapy could be pretty critical. Even if you think your counselors would useless, it seems that you'd have nothing to lose by at least trying to talk to them. You wouldn't necessarily have to disclose your bombing ideas; just say that you're having a crappy time, you're suicidal, and you could use some help. They don't have to be caring or helpful to direct you to someone who is caring and helpful. (And hey, if they really are just there for the money, I'm sure some of them would jump at the chance to help out with something serious and thus impress the higher-ups. )

Even if that fails, there are other resources that you could take advantage of, such as hotlines. Like I said, it wouldn't hurt to try. Even if most of the people around you don't care to assist you, you can still get help if you just look a little - and hopefully that will help you get through the bad times.
   
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