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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Switching Colleges - January 23rd 2010, 07:22 PM

So, this is kind of a long story. My ex-fiance has been spreading rumors about me for the past three months. I've lost almost all of my friends and I'm being forced out of my campus ministry leadership position. It's gotten bad enough that I'm getting ready to drop school this semester and start somewhere new next semester. I think I'm handling it okay until a new rumor gets started or until I walk into a room and suddenly everyone stops talking. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I've gotten very depressed since all of this started. How am I supposed to deal with this? I've had to drop being on leadership, worship and my whole campus ministry. I'm being forced out of a school that I chose to go to. How can these people have that kind of power just by talking? What am I supposed to do here?
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Re: Switching Colleges - January 25th 2010, 06:07 AM

Ok, start by talking to your ex, and try and tell him how you feel. Don't forget he loved you once, hes bound to still have some feeling for you.

For the rumors still around, when someone brings it up, laugh and say its just a rumor get over it. (look them in the eye when they say something)
None the less keep your head held high and people will start to understand your not ashamed of it and therefore, the rumor probably isn't true.


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Re: Switching Colleges - January 27th 2010, 12:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BullyPreventionScheme View Post
Ok, start by talking to your ex, and try and tell him how you feel. Don't forget he loved you once, hes bound to still have some feeling for you.
Ahahhaa no. Not everyone still harbors feelings after break-ups, sorry. Except maybe ressentment. The idea that "if they loved you once they probably still do" is a glazed over idea.

LoveLifeMeaningOver, I wouldn't "tell him how you feel", because IMO showing him you're that vulnerable and affected will give him exactly what he wants: to know the rumours are making you sad. Try talking to him, yes, but do it somewhere private or with "neutral" (i.e. not his friends) people around, and tell him that the rumours are honestly immature, and if he has issues with you he should tell them to your face instead of spreading gossip. Be firm but polite and be confident.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BullyPreventionScheme View Post
For the rumors still around, when someone brings it up, laugh and say its just a rumor get over it. (look them in the eye when they say something)
None the less keep your head held high and people will start to understand your not ashamed of it and therefore, the rumor probably isn't true.
This. LoveLifeMeaningOver, if people bring it up or laugh at you, just be confident and shrug it off. Even make a funny remark about yourself. Imagine that the rumour was (obviously it isn't, but just a random example) that you had tripped over and smashed a pile of 50 dishes. Saying something like "oops, am I clumsy" in a humorous manner might show people that you do have a sense of humour. Also, don't look affected by rumours, and try to feel that you're not affected by them genuinely. Remember that your classmates are the ones acting like a bunch of children, and the laugh's on them. Oscar Wilde once wrote in "The Picture of Dorian Gray" that "there is only one thing in this world worse than being talked about, and that is not talked about" and it's true: while your classmates are spending time discussing you and rumours about you it's a sign they find you so relevant that they're bothering doing it instead of living their own lives. At least you're livin' it up!

If rumours persist or increase in degree just try bringing them up to your dean or parents (unless you have some guilt in the matter) and explain to them how much it's affecting you. Some rumours are so serious they cross the line to libel, and it's your parents'/dean's responsibility to ensure you're happy and safe. If the rumours are REALLY serious (as in, plain libel) and your parents/dean haven't done anything you can still talk to the police or a lawyer. Just make sure you have evidence (if you don't know just check with them what qualifies as evidence in the case or not, I'm sure it depends on the law where you are). Of course, this is an extreme case, try asking your parents or your dean first (especially in the case of your dean, if a student is being bullied by others so extremely that they want to drop or switch colleges, they should try to do something).
   
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Re: Switching Colleges - January 29th 2010, 10:39 PM

If those rumors have no truth to them then stand your ground. If it does become very bad then perhaps you should consider moving but only as the last possible choice. As BullyPreventionSystem suggested, talk to your ex and ask him to stop this. But be careful as whoever this guy is he has been constant in this bad business and still seems to be very driven to do it. But none the less, don't let him spoil your life. Keep enjoying it and "DON'T LET PEOPLE BOTHER YOU"(A quote from another poster).
   
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