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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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My defences are messed up. - February 2nd 2010, 08:37 PM

I sound like an idiot here but, eh. I used to get bullied in high school pretty much everyday, I hated about 60% of the people in school. There's this guy David who I have recently been talking to on Facebook (he's from my old school), I know this will sound stupid but... I can't remember if he was part of the group of people who bullied me or not (so many people did I can barely remember -_____-) :/ He's being really nice to be on Facebook but I can't tell if he's being that way to be nice or if he's just being sarcastic (it's almost impossible to tell online). Basically I have huge trust problems with people my age (mostly guys) and I can never tell if they're just being genuinely nice to me or if they're just being pricks. I feel bad because I'm sometimes a little cold to this guy because I can't tell what's going on.

What I want to know is anyone else who have gotten bullied the same? :/ My defence mechanism with people is just completely crap thanks to this.


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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 3rd 2010, 04:30 AM

...erm.. I'm not sure why he would be one of the bullies... Cause i don't think any of my friends are bullies on facebook... cause there... well there bullies...

However i'm not completely with the times here, I tend to get stuck in the victorian era. (i like the age of gentlemen)

I'f i'm not sure if a bully is being nice or mean, if on the outside their being nice, I reward them for being nice (even if they're not really trying to be) and i return there kindness, and be nice to them. (sorry that was a little confusing)


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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 3rd 2010, 10:03 AM

Ok so your gonna find it hard to trust people. I was in the same boat got bullied at school all the time by different people like you have stated too. Then trusting people after that is hard. You always expect the worse to happen. If you give it time i'm sure that things will go smoothly with this guy called David. If it doesn't you said from your old school? So that's a good start if he was a bully he won't be there to torment you at your new school. Also this guy may have been too afraid to stand up for himself at the time and now feels guilt towards the way he acted towards you?

Idk just threw some general ideas down on paper there for you, pm me if you wanna chat? x




   
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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 3rd 2010, 05:53 PM

I'm at college now, so I'm far away from them. I've always had trust issues but it has been getting worse :/ As for bullies adding you on facebook this girl who used to bully me tried to add me a few weeks ago, so it does happen. I was thinking maybe he just didn't want to stick up for me tbh :/ Idk what to think


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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 3rd 2010, 08:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conspiracy. View Post
I'm at college now, so I'm far away from them. I've always had trust issues but it has been getting worse :/ As for bullies adding you on facebook this girl who used to bully me tried to add me a few weeks ago, so it does happen. I was thinking maybe he just didn't want to stick up for me tbh :/ Idk what to think
He put himself first rather than you, and now that his 'click' of bully friends has gone as college has come round he won't feel the need to take the pressure they put upon him maybe?
its a cruel world after all.




   
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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 4th 2010, 10:14 PM

I know some people do just add people on facebook that they were never friends with, I dont get it... why try and add me as a 'friend' when you used to spend your time taking the piss out of me?

Anyway I just wanted to say maybe its worth starting from the beginning with this guy?
Even if he was one of the bullies, maybe he regrets it now? Maybe he geniunely wonders how you are now.

I know you cant tell if he is being sarcastic or not on facebook.
Maybe try saying things like "remember when......" and pull up some stories about certain classes, or events, funny things that happened while you were at school. Then you might find out what classes you shared with him, and you might be able to see how he interpreted the situation.
Maybe even try and find out who his good friends were at school by saying "do you ever see/ keep in touch with....... anymore?"
   
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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 4th 2010, 11:51 PM

Hey,

Bullying can effect your trust in other people so I'm not suprised you find it so hard to trust people.
I think sometimes when you go through things like bullying, especially when it's large numbers of people you kind of blocks out part of it because it's so horrible to remember you simply don't want to recall that information.

I don't think David would be speaking to you and making an effort to speak to you if he was one of the people who bullied you. I would suggest you try and give him a bit of a chance and try to get to know the person he is today, maybe that would give you some more indications and the more you speak to him hopefully the more you will end up remembering.
You may remember you may not, there is no sure fire chance you will ever know if he did participate in this bullying, but you have to give people a chance otherwise no one would get anywhere in this world.
I got bullied by quite a few people in secondary school. Where I still live in the same town I find I bump into a lot of them all the time and I get edgy thinking they will say something but a lot of those people have matured and have better things to do with their time, and sometimes you even get the occasional hello. Sometimes life is too short to hold grudges. I'm not saying be his best friend- just give him a chance because he may not have even been one of the people who did that to you.

I hope things work out,
Love Paige xox
   
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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 6th 2010, 04:18 PM

Why don't you ask him if he's being your friend truthfully or just to make fun of you. And depending on the answer decide whether you will keep being his friend or not. Or you can ask him if he was in the group that was bullying you.
   
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Re: My defences are messed up. - February 6th 2010, 05:10 PM

Celildh.
The only way you can work out what's actually going on with this is to ask him! Some people never change, but others do; maybe he's getting in touch in order to reconcile things he might have done in the past.

It can be really hard to trust people after they've continually let you down, or pushed you around. I think most of us would have reacted in the same way as you have; so try not to worry too much about it.

It's up to you what you do. You can carry on as normal, or you can confront him about it? The longer you are worrying about this, the worse it's going to get. Let us know if you need a hand with anything? Take care of yourself love


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