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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Regretting Ex-Bully
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Exclamation Victim in love with his Ex-bully, advice please... - March 19th 2010, 02:19 AM

I am not sure whether this should be posted in the bullying section or rather the LGBT section of this forum.

As I posted in another thread, I am an ex-bully, and I hurt my main victim for over a year in many terrible ways, physically as well as emotionally. We were able to make peace and I keep making amends. And he has fully forgiven me. We already are close friends and I certainly want to remain friends with him for life. I do not want to hurt his feelings in any way ever again, that is why I am seeking your advice. It turned out he is gay. We trust each other enough to tell each other our secrets. Some time after he told me this I confided to him that I am bisexual. Maybe I should not have done that, because that is when the "trouble" started. He keeps making advances. Not in an aggressive way though. I know it is more than just a mere crush he has on me.

I am currently not in a relationship, and he is very attractive. And of course he is a very kind, nice and caring person. Normally, I could see myself having a relationship with someone as great as him, but because of our past I feel very insecure about this. I feel deep affection for him, but until now I "only" considered him as a very dear, close and important friend.

Most importantly, I do not want to hurt him if things between us do not work out. And I do not want our friendship to end if that happens.
So, what do YOU think?


A quiet conscience is invaluable. Do not relinquish it carelessly. I know how terrible it hurts when you constantly have a guilty conscience because of your past actions...
   
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Re: Victim in love with his Ex-bully, advice please... - March 19th 2010, 06:22 AM

You can not do anything about your past. But you can change your future. Your not gunna hurt him, I'm sure of that, the old you would have

But this is the new you. So you don't have to worry about doing that.
Its ok if you go into a relationship as well, Just promise him that when (if you do) you do go into a relationship, just tell him that if anything should happen that you want to be his friend. He should promise the same thing.
Some relationships end as an agreement by both people that it isn't working out. They still stay really good friends.

Its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. It'll probably make both of you happier anyway! Keep your cool and you'll stay friends no matter what. good luck, hope it works out!
-BPS


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Re: Victim in love with his Ex-bully, advice please... - March 19th 2010, 02:05 PM

OK, today when I and Lukas were sitting next to each other on a bench during recess, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders (which I often do to close friends). This time though for the first time he leaned over and cuddled up against me. This was witnessed by a few people, who began cheering and applauding, although not in a mean way. My school is a boys-only school, and we would not be the only "open" couple. There are other couples in every class, starting from the age of maybe 14. I am glad that all the students here are very open and tolerant - I have never heard of a single complaint about discrimination at our school. Europe in general is tolerant concerning this issue, and I think the fact that there are no girls at our school means that most students do not feel any pressure to "act straight". Lets see how things work out from now on. I really believe - and I certainly hope - that your advice to allow us to become even closer is the right advice...


A quiet conscience is invaluable. Do not relinquish it carelessly. I know how terrible it hurts when you constantly have a guilty conscience because of your past actions...

Last edited by AidanTheRepenting; March 20th 2010 at 07:25 AM.
   
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Re: Victim in love with his Ex-bully, advice please... - March 20th 2010, 12:44 PM

Ha ha, i hope it works out (its nice to hear of school thats acecepts this kind of thing.)
Good luck,


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Re: Victim in love with his Ex-bully, advice please... - March 20th 2010, 09:11 PM

the past is the past. and if your friends now thats good. im friends with the person who used to bully me. there is a future. if you want to have a relationship liek that with him go for it. he obviosuly has forgiven you, this sounds so corny, but in a way you feel so bad over what happned you need to forgive yourself, if that makes sense. if u want to be woth someone like him, go fo rit. liek i said past is past. hope this helps


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