Former friends talking smack and I find out all the time

[inalittlewhile]

Its making me sick, what do I do?

[emoticon]

ignore it. they're your former friends. you shouldn't let what they say affect you.

[inalittlewhile]

I have been doing that for four months, it still hasn't stopped. I feel like even ignoring it doesn't do anything, because it persists. I thought that by not acknowledging them, they would stop, but they haven't yet. They say mean things about me and I hear about it from everyone.

[Pandamonium]

There isn't much you can do to make them stop talking. You know it isn't true and those who know you should know it isn't true either. If people telling you is getting to you, when they do it again, just let them know they don't have to tell you every time something is said.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

Wait hang on i'm confused, what do you mean by talking smack? as in there talking about the drug smack? (sorry despite being a teenager myself, i'm not with the modern lingo)

[inalittlewhile]

LOL its okay, I mean like talking shit, they just say mean stuff.
Like they were talking about me in a negative light.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

Well thats close to a rumour soo, when you hear someone saying something like this, just say "ooh don't you just love rumours" pretend it amuses you. Know one wants to bully you and end up making you happy.

[inalittlewhile]

So you think that humoring these girls will be better? They said like stupid crap, but its just annoying. She was like oh her house is DISGUSTING and she smells SO BAD and I punched her in the hallway! Blah blah.

[Jacksonian]

Well, these girls have a hidden agenda here for saying such things. So I think a peaceful come together will lighten the matter. Ask them why they are saying such things, because if it has been happening for months then they have something else in mind, so talk to them and ask them why, its best to confront the source and fix the issue privately. Because they seem really determined to spoil your image and credibility as a friend.

[inalittlewhile]

I don't know so much if they want to spoil my credibility as a friend or just knock me for fun. I hung out with them for 6 months and they made fun of people that they stopped talking to months and months before for fun! It all seems irrational to me..

I would talk to them, but I have two problems.
1. I don't have the balls, plain and simple.
2. If I do go back to them and talk to them, its 5 against 1, and they will take it like oh wow, she can't make it without us, and that's not the way I want this to end. I want to end as independent.

We stopped being friends mostly on my part because they were bad people and so I think this is there way of trying to make it seem like they are the ones that dropped me. I dropped 3 of the girls, 1 of them dropped me, and the other girl I never had any intention of being friends with in the first place, but she made it known over a nasty facebook message that we were no longer friends.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

LOL! Cowardly cyber bullying facebookers! *ahem, bullys look so stupid posting messages over facebook.

Hrmm ok, i have a question, when they do make these rumours, how do you react to them?

[inalittlewhile]

Ugh I know that in my mind but like if you could have read the mean stuff that she said.. she was like blah blah "and none of us want to be your friend anymore.. " and then she was like "maybe you should stop being such a bitch because when W drops you again, which she will, you're going to have no friends" and then she was like okay peaceeeeeeeeeeee! Everytime something was wrong or she wanted to pick a fight with me she'd im me or something and she imed me that day and I blocked her so she sent me that nasty message.. she was like all you do is cause drama blah blah.

And I'm not sure if I'd call them rumours - its more like they are bashing me.. they aren't like oh she's pregnant (that wouldn't be believable .. ) so they try to pull me apart in every way possible. What's worse is that they "know" me, and they know how I would react - they know that I hate stuff like this and that I would freak out and cry, because they've witnessed it.

Normally I would freak out and cry, and I did a little over this, but there have been instances where it has been worse than that. I take it to heart because I don't really think I did anything that horrible to deserve this and yes we had our differences and we parted but I don't know why it has to be a big war - I'm semi afraid of them - I hate to walk past them in the halls unless I am with people, in which case I love it because I love for them to see me with friends because they thought I'd be friendless.

[FlyingTrue]

I suggest that you print this stuff out and take it to school administrators. Most schools these days have anti-cyberbullying policies even if the acts are not occurring on-campus. You should not have to take this from anyone.

[inalittlewhile]

I tried that, but they said it wasn't "harrassment" so it didn't qualify.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by inalittlewhile

I tried that, but they said it wasn't "harrassment" so it didn't qualify.

Then you need to go for a higher authority, because that's not a good school then.

[inalittlewhile]

But these messages haven't been recent - the last one was in December and prior, when we talked directly - now its just bullshit through other people.

[FlyingTrue]

If they aren't doing anything about it, they are incompetent. Just because it isn't recent doesn't mean it isn't actionable especially since you are still being bullied by these people.

[inalittlewhile]

But like, I haven't heard any of this first hand. Well actually, thats a lie, sometimes they will, like one of them screamed OMG HI _____ (to me) to be obnoxious, and another girl was making fun of me as I walked by, but I put my ipod on so I wouldn't hear it. And there was one time that I walked past one of them and we bumped into eachother and she was like SHOVINGS NOT GONNA GET YOU ANYWHERE.

[BabyIndia]

Keep on at your school because it is harrasment, keep pestering them until they do something!

Ignore them if you feel like saying somthing to them. Say "oh your lives must be so boring if you have to talk about me all the time"

Keep ignoring them or just laugh at them when you see them.

They will give up. Hold on.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

Babyindia has the right idea. Laughing it off will defiantly work, if you let them know that the idea of them bullying you amuses you they won't want to do it again, Its really hard to do, but hey, what do you have to lose?

oh by the way, if your school's staff don't want to do anything... THEN YOUR SCHOOLS BLEEDING STUPID!!! god... i hate schools like that.

None the less try to keep your head high, your back straight, and your eyes forward and you should be able to unerve them. Keep smiling as much as you can as well.
^^

[inalittlewhile]

I try to smile all the time, and then I always talk about my plans and going out, so it looks like I have stuff to do (which I usually do) so then they don't think that I am a loner. I just wish it would all stop. I will continue to ignore them and act like it doesn't bother me, hopefully it will stop.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

Nice attitude, I wish you luck. Give it a week or so and they should shut up. if not tell us about and we'll try again! ^^ don't give up, i belive in you.
-BPS

[inalittlewhile]

Thanks <3 I appreciate all of your support. It's nice to know that people out there care.

[Jacksonian]

Why are all of them hurting you ? Did you do something to them or did they just start bullying you ?

[inalittlewhile]

Well I wouldn't exactly label it "hurting," its not physical.

But actually, we were friends for 6 months. Like nonstop everyday hanging out, phone calls until 6 am, the whole bit. And they know me - like really know me. My personality is one that is weak, or weakER than most.. when I was friends with them I lost a very good friend and it broke me. And they knew that. They know how much stuff like this bothers me, so they know without even hearing from me that I'm dying inside.


We were best friends, shit happened, (none of which I really understand, to be honest) and that was that. I confronted the one I was closest with about an issue that was bothering me for MONTHS and she held it against me and acted as if it didn't matter, said something rude to me, and I told her I didn't have an answer to that, so bye, and that was it. I tried a long winded facebook apology and that didn't work, and I tried several times over texting and over the phone, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. Not that I really had anything to apologize for.. to be honest. The story is long and will take forever to explain, but basically, they were a group of friends before me, and I cut all of them out of my life to avoid the drama because I knew that none of them would side with me and stick by me, which of course I was right in believing.

So now its their duty to make my life a living hell.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

well in that case don't give them the satisfaction. Do whatever it takes to keep your head held high and keep smiling, If you experiment enough times with things that are going to show them you don't care, you'll find something that works, and they'll be history!

Do whatever it takes to keep smiling! No matter what they say

[inalittlewhile]

I wish I could figure out what that is though.

[Jacksonian]

Just go on with life.

[inalittlewhile]

Like I know that, I get it, I do, everyone says that, but it's not that easy! These were people that I spent every waking second with and then I got fucked over and now they all sit and laugh at me the way they used to do it to other people when I was around.

And yeah, they were bad people, but they were the most fun I've had in a long, long time. And I just don't think I'll ever find people that were as fun as they were.

[Jacksonian]

Originally Posted by inalittlewhile

Like I know that, I get it, I do, everyone says that, but it's not that easy! These were people that I spent every waking second with and then I got fucked over and now they all sit and laugh at me the way they used to do it to other people when I was around.

And yeah, they were bad people, but they were the most fun I've had in a long, long time. And I just don't think I'll ever find people that were as fun as they were.

I know its not. I have been bullied by some people who were my friends. One of them even threatened to strangle me and even went as far as to hit me with a stick as if I were a donkey. And added to the fact that this guy is pretty strong and fearless so not many people who I looked to protection for could stand against him. But I went on with life, forget them and go on with life. Time will take care of them but its not something to worry your life about.

So I get it, its not easy, but you do it because these 'friends' are not friends at all if they do this for no reason at all except to bully you.

[inalittlewhile]

I guess not. It's just hard. It sucks.

[BullyPreventionScheme]

Alrighty, Experiment is how i learnt to take down bullies, only thing you need is confidence, Thats it! if you don't have it, Then you can learn it, you merely have to try your best.

Anyway to get yourself started with experimenting. I guess i could think of something to start you off... lets think... well i usually use this as a last resort because its too easy and boring.
(just for the record i look at taking OuT bullies as sport....what? i was bored ^^)

None the less my last resort is to try reporting, It does work, so long a your school/college has a 0 tolerance policy. (might be called something else at your college) anyway, find a teacher of authority, and just report the bully.

thing you have to remember is sometimes bullies think the first report was a fluke and you won't do it again, so you have to prove them wrong a second time.

other than that, start giving bullies different reactions when they bully you (like laughing) Ideas will start springing from there

Don't worry about the consequeces of your actions, its worth risking it to take OuT bullies!~ *thumbs up* (But that does NOT mean walk up and insult them, I assure you insulting and violence is a reaction they enjoy, it will NOT work)


BPS-

[inalittlewhile]

Your post made me laugh, BPS. I like how its a sport for you, I thought that was quite comical. Anyway, I already talked to my school, that was a bust, so I will try this laughing thing. I feel like I have confidence, but its just like, I don't know, everything I say is monitored. Yesterday I found out one of the girls who is in my class makes faces and stuff everytime I talk, and its really obvious, except I had no idea because I don't look at her at all. Like how embarrassing is that?! I had no idea and the whole class knows.