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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

View Poll Results: Deny or tell?
Deny 1 8.33%
Tell 11 91.67%
Voters: 12. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
dejaentendu0 Offline
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Is it best to deny or share? - August 17th 2010, 01:20 AM

Well, as I kind of expected, word of my teen pregnancy and my choice have made it around my town. Me and my mother have briefly talked about cyber school in the past, not BECAUSE of this - simply since it's free and I can do work ahead of time. There's definitely pros and cons to cyber school vs. actual schooling though.
So, for now, I plan to stay in my actual school.

However, my school starts in 7 days. And everyone is talking about my little situation. I'm trying to prepare myself for all the people talking behind my back.
My mother tells me to DENY. She says people can't prove I was pregnant or anything like that and to just deny, deny, deny.
But if I deny it, there will still be people talking behind my back - a LOT of people. And if I came right out and talked about it, they'd be more so coming to me and asking and not other people.

My question to you is:

If people were talking about you, for any reason - not just mine, do you think it would be easier to deny it ever happened or to just come out and talk about it?
Which would you choose?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 17th 2010, 02:00 AM

Hey. sorry about you're situation, that's rough. anyways, people who're talking behind your back really aren't worth your time. whether you deny it or talk about it is your choice, and you should think about the effects of each. in my opinion, denying (which would be lying) might cause more problems and might start other stuff. you can only get away with lying for so long, and somebody will more than likely find out the truth later down the road.

On the other hand, you don't really have to talk about it. you could just say something like, "I don't want to talk about that, so if you have a problem, take it somewhere else.". so that way you don't really have to explain yourself every time, and if you keep -it up, they might just stop.

In the end, if they don't like you or they don't approve about your pregnancy and your choices, then let them think what they want. in the end it was your choice and you shouldn't be ashamed, because i'm sure you did the best you could. i hope things work out for ya. (:
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 17th 2010, 02:10 AM

Honestly, it may sound harsh. But I think it's a bad idea to deny it. It's what you chose to do, and as the choice that you made you shouldn't be lying about. I know it'll be hard and people will continue to judge you, but you knew there'd be gossip before you chose to have an abortion. I'm not saying anounce it to everyone, it's no one's buisness, but nonetheless it's a consequence of the choice you made.

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 20th 2010, 12:51 AM

Be honest and open about it. Lying is not going to help at all as it will only hurt you later down the road. If people talk behind your back, who cares what they think? Just stand tall and live your life because we all experience things like these.

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and love as long as you live

Last edited by Berries and Cream; August 20th 2010 at 12:57 AM.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 20th 2010, 02:12 AM

Personally, I wouldn't lie. I kinda have the same mindset as Tara in that I think that if you made a decision, you should face the consequences that it entails. I'm not saying to go out and tell everyone, just don't lie about it. You can always say it's a touchy subject and move on.

It's not fair for everyone to gossip about it and whatnot but it'll fade soon enough, that I can promise

"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 20th 2010, 03:15 AM

I somewhat agree with both. d: i mean i know that it is bad to lie, or deny, but some people could make the situation worse if you did tell them the truth. Guessing you come from a small town like i do, seeing as the news spread fast... If someone is convinced that you were they may have no reason to ask you, and if they do, even if you deny if they already believe you were, then theres probably no point in changing their mind. Obviously, you can stand up and bear it and hope it passes quickly, or you can deny it and hope people believe you. If i were you, and this is gonna sound horrible, but i would deny it. I know that most people wouldn't, but i am one of the few that would. And the only reason i say that is, I'm assuming nobody saw you with a big belly. but then again... i lie a lot.. and i hate it. and sometimes if you lie enough about things like this, you feel like your lying to yourself and if your like me, sometimes you end up believing it.

talk to me anytime -kk(: hope it works out... have a good school year.

In this world of hate there has to be a light Be that light and spread some love Maybe this day the youth can make a difference, No more hate.
-Christofer Drew

days since i last SHed.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 20th 2010, 10:52 PM

Your situation is really difficult. You don't really have to talk about it though, nobody can force you to do so, but if you want to say something, I'll say go with the truth

Differences of habit and language
are nothing at all if our aims are
identical and our hearts are open.

~J.K. Rowling~

"The Beginning," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,
2000, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore

Talk to me anytime, I'm here for you!
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 21st 2010, 10:28 PM

For me, it would really depend on the situation at hand. However, if it was a bit of a sensitive subject such as yours, I would go with neither lying nor the truth. I would simply let people know that I didn't want to talk about it. I think that is the best of both worlds. You are not fibbing to people, but you are also not providing them with information that could be incorporated into rumors and further bullying. Certainly, there may still be a few who choose to spread rumors about you regardless. However, at least those rumors would be based on assumptions and not facts.

In the end, it is not really any of their business, anyway. I wouldn't make yourself more vulnerable than you already are; telling people the truth outright could be fanning the flame, and denying it could cause you other problems down the road. Remember, you do not have to talk about if you do not want to.

Take care! I hope everything works out for you!
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 22nd 2010, 01:45 AM

I wouldnt Deny it, no you don't need to go out there and tell everyone every little detail, but theres no point in denying it. Beside sharing with those willing to come up and ask you might help them in their life. Not deny also shows people you are confident with yourself and your choices which normally will stop drama and talking from happening for long. Hold your head up high and remember you did what you did for you and your choices were what you needed to do and you made the right choice for you. What other people think about it doesnt matter.
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 22nd 2010, 10:09 AM

I would be honest about it but that doesn't mean I would be open with what had happened to every Tom, Dick and Harry that came up to me or said anything. I would tell the people that I trust, that I care about and that I know care, trust and respect me. Other people's opinion doesn't mean anything and I don't owe them anything whether that's the truth or to deny it.
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 25th 2010, 03:53 AM

I would not deny what happened, but I would tell people that it was not their business. Because it isn't. You can simply say "Yes, I was pregnant. Yes, I had an abortion. No, it's none of your business," and walk away. It gets the message out there that you are not ashamed, but neither are you allowing this to be public property. If you don't feel like talking about it, you don't have to. You've been through enough to earn that right.

let me light up the sky, light it up for you
let me tell you why, i would die for you
When you whisper, you must be absolutely as sincere as when you scream.
9 out of every 10 problems in relationships can be solved by talking. So why are we so damn quiet?
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 25th 2010, 08:28 AM

It's easier to deny smaller things but something like this you shouldn't deny. I assume you already gave birth, in which case, if a friend goes to your house and sees your kid or sees you taking care of it, first question is who is the mother? Given the rumours, people are going to point to you. When the rest of the school hears of this large lie, then you'll become the center of rumours, even more than you are now because it's proven you lied about having a kid so people will make rumours of the pregnancy and of what else you've lied about. Or if you had an abortion, sooner or later a friend would find out about it.

Just admit that you did have a teen pregnancy and ideally say the father to reduce the rumours. You'll still get attention, probably less than denying it, and in high-school, having attention comes with rumours. It'll be less so than denying it. Remember to not show low self-esteem with this because that's going to put you back into the center of rumours. If someone asks about it, admit it and show confidence, even if the person asks some stupid questions.

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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it best to deny or share? - August 25th 2010, 02:12 PM

I think denying things like that is a bad idea, you usually end up caught up in a web of lies and people end up thinking badly of you for lying. People will have more respect ultimately if you can tell the truth. Although, obviously, like people have said, you don't have to go around telling everyone. I would just tell my friends that I trust. As for everyone else, I wouldn't deny it as such but I also wouldn't say that it was true either.

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